The Gardener of the Sleeping Forest, Episode 9: 'Rain (Part 2) / Hana Takamiya'

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Episode 9: 'Rain (Part 2)'

My only memories of my mother are of ballet. The ones who came to school events were Gin-chan's mother, Aunt Shoko, or occasionally my father.

My mother's family seemed to be wealthy, and it appears she was able to open her studio without relying on bank loans thanks to an inheritance. The three-story reinforced concrete building with a studio attached was the house I grew up in.

My mother, naive to the ways of the world, always thought only of ballet and lived in a world centered around it. She seemed to have no interest in this world, neither in her husband nor in me, her daughter.

From a very young age, I spent my time alone, listening to the voices drifting up from the lesson studio on the first floor. My father was often away, and the only time I spent with my mother was during the lessons I took. Even before I entered elementary school, eating meals alone had become the norm for me.

But only when I was dancing would my mother look at me. I always danced better than anyone else.

Between my mother and me, there were no memories of school visits or amusement parks, nor any memories of being praised for a perfect test score or eating ice cream together. Even the conversations at the dinner table we occasionally shared were only about ballet.

Even so, as a child, I wanted to believe that I was loved like everyone else. I clung to the words of those around me who said, 'It's so nice that your mom teaches you ballet.'

And so, in the summer of my second year of junior high, when I started to drag my right leg slightly, I lost the very existence of a mother.

'I don't have the confidence to go on with a child who can't dance. That's why I never wanted children in the first place.'

Those were my mother's words, and at that moment, I heard Aunt Shoko's voice trembling with anger in response, mixed in with the sound of the rain.

.....

The rain, which had stopped once, began to fall again just before I reached home from the nearest coin parking lot, and after I closed the front door, it seemed to be rapidly intensifying.

'Excuse me.'

As I guided Takatora-san, who said that with a look of embarrassment, I think I must have had an equally embarrassed look on my own face.

I was worried that inviting someone over for hot pot when we weren't that close yet might make them wary or lead to strange suspicions, but I was happy to see that they accepted it readily.

"I'm glad I worked hard on cleaning."

As soon as they entered, they complimented the room, and I replied with a mix of modesty and embarrassment.

My apartment is quite spacious for someone living alone, with a decent-sized LDK separate from the bedroom. It's a bit far from the station, and the building is quite old—it looks more like a housing complex than a modern apartment building—but I fell in love with the layout when I first viewed it.

Since I spend a lot of time at home, I try to be a bit particular about the interior so that I can switch gears and spend my time comfortably while in the living room.

"The room in the back is my bedroom, which also doubles as my workspace, but I really can't show that to guests."

I wasn't being humble; I was stating a fact, but Takatora-san laughed and said, "Well, I couldn't show anyone my whole place, then."

Of course, I didn't miss the laugh lines that appeared on his face.

"I'm going to get things ready, so please just sit down and make yourself at home."

When I said that and stood in the kitchen, strangely enough, Takatora-san rolled up his sleeves and walked toward me.

"No, I'll do it, so why don't you take a break? You're not feeling 100%, right?"

It might be rude, but I was so surprised by his unexpected remark that Takatora-san seemed to realize he'd said something awkward and continued, looking uncomfortable.

"Ah... of course, that's only if you don't mind me using your kitchen..."

"No, not at all!! I'm sorry, I was just a little surprised. In that case, I'd appreciate the help. I've prepared some nice pork and tofu that I'd like to use, and please feel free to use anything else in the fridge. You're welcome to use any of the cooking utensils, too. I'll get the table ready."

After I finished explaining everything in one breath and headed toward the storage cabinet, a spirited voice echoed behind my back.

"Then, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to open up your fridge!!"

In that instant, an image of the inside of the fridge flashed through my mind.

"Wait!!"

I tried to stop him in a panic, but the door had already been opened. He must have caught sight of it. The mini bouquet of greenbrier, carefully resting in a small cut-glass tumbler inside the fridge for some reason.

"...You saw it, didn't you?"

Even without waiting for a reply, I understood everything from the look on Takatora-san's face as he turned back to me while closing the door.

I saw it. I saw it, and just now, it was refreshing that you didn't use polite language with me for the first time. Hey, since we're the same age, why don't you stop using polite language?

Ah, um, when you've already made up your mind about something, isn't it hard to change it? I'm especially bad at that... I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Although I knew he wasn't blaming me, I found myself bowing my head repeatedly out of habit, and Takatora-san turned back toward the refrigerator and said, as if to himself, but intentionally loud enough for me to hear.

Well, that's cute too, though!

I was tempted to snuggle up to his broad back, but I slapped my own cheeks in my mind to snap out of it, and I turned back to the storage shelf to take out the induction stove.

The large amount of pork belly I had prepared for Azumi-chan didn't end up being too much, contrary to my expectations, and to my surprise, Takatora-san even seemed a little unsatisfied.

I see, the difference between the two of them is alcohol. Azumi-chan is a heavy drinker, so she keeps eating snacks even after the meal is over. Takatora-san said he doesn't usually drink, and since he's driving, I wouldn't offer him any anyway.

When I suggested rice porridge if he was okay with frozen rice, he stood up nimbly and began preparing it with delight.

The rice thawed in the microwave and the beaten egg were added, and the lid of the clay pot was closed. On the white table for two, across from the pot sending up white steam, Takatora-san was resting his chin on one hand. While stealing glances at his face as he looked down at the pot, I thought about the carrots I had eaten earlier.

The ingredients Takatora-san cut were a bit large, but it was a practiced way of cutting that showed he was someone who cooked regularly, and in particular, the carrots were even decorated with flower-shaped cuts. I didn't know if it was because of his profession or just one of Takatora-san's personal strengths, but it was clear at a glance that he was dexterous.

Suddenly, Takatora-san said, still looking down.

Hana-san, do you like cooking? That's amazing.

I didn't understand the intent behind those words and tilted my head. I hadn't even touched a kitchen knife today. Isn't it Takatora-san who is amazing for liking to cook?

You have quite a lot of cooking utensils for someone living alone, and you even went to the trouble of making dashi from kelp. I've only ever eaten it with store-bought soup bases. It was delicious, thank you.

Oh no, thank you instead, I left almost everything to you. Thank you very much.

Ah, so that's what it was. It's true that I don't dislike cooking, but most of the cooking utensils I have now were gifts from Azumi-chan. Every time she comes to my house to eat, she diligently contributes things like cutting boards that are due for replacement, expensive peelers, and trays for deep-frying.

When I explained that the knife Takatora-san used, as well as this tabletop stove and the clay pot, were all gifts from Azumi-chan, Takatora-san looked a little surprised and said.

So that means you're buying extra things like knives and frying pans, even though you already have your own? And it doesn't look like they're cheap items, either. Either you're incredibly well-off, or you just really want to eat Hana-san's home cooking that much.

No, it's just that at Azumi-chan's house, the cooking utensils are... never mind.

I almost mentioned the chaos of her house, but I quickly shut my mouth and changed the subject.

Well, she is a doctor. Even if she has the money, she doesn't have the time to cook for herself often, and I suppose she gets tired of eating out all the time.

...A doctor?

Oh, did I not mention that yet? Azumi-chan is a psychiatrist.

They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but the gap is so wide that most people are usually left speechless with surprise when they find out what Azumi-chan does for a living.

Ignoring Takatora-san's reaction, I opened the lid of the clay pot that was bubbling away, turned off the stove, and gently ladled out two bowls of rice porridge.

After we enjoyed the porridge, he insisted on doing the dishes, but since I was the one who invited him, I told him it was out of the question.

We were about to wrap things up, but I checked my weather app just in case, and it looked like the rain was going to let up soon. It's pouring so hard right now that you can tell just by looking through the window, so it would be foolish to head out at a time like this.

Why don't you wait a little longer? I'll make some tea.

After I made some hot tea and was washing the dishes, I noticed that Takatora-san, who had been resting his head on the table, was breathing softly in his sleep.

He must have been exhausted. I feel bad for making him drive through that traffic when he's already so busy with work. He seems to be in a deep sleep, so I'll let him rest for a while.

I draped a shawl over his shoulders, turned off the lights in the room, and quietly retreated to the back room.

The sound of thunder woke me up.

I had been reading a book, but it seems I had accidentally drifted off to sleep myself. In the dim room lit only by my reading lamp, I hurriedly grabbed my smartphone to check the time, and it was just about to turn midnight.

Oh no, I have to wake up Takatora-san.

The moment I stood up, a flash of light streaked across the sky, and the sound of thunder roared once more. To think there would be lightning at this time of winter. Come to think of it, I had heard that winter lightning occasionally occurs on the Sea of Japan side, and that its nasty nature is incomparable to summer lightning.

As my legs froze in place, Chihaya called me on my laptop at just the right moment, and I answered it with a feeling of desperation.

“Thank goodness, there’s lightning nearby right now.”

“Oh, really? Are you okay? It’s been unusually sunny here for this time of year.”

All the anxiety inside me was enveloped by Chihaya’s face, her voice, and her very presence.

I continued my conversation with Chihaya, as if to escape my fear of the lightning. After Chihaya reported on her day as usual, she asked what I had been up to, and I told her that I had gone out for work and had a hot pot meal at home.

“With Azumi-chan? Or is Ginsui visiting again?”

My words, as I tried to answer that question, were drowned out by a deafening roar. I felt the impact, and a vibration ran through the building. Realizing that lightning had struck very close by, a scream escaped my lips.

“Are you okay!?”

The door, which I had left open just a crack, swung open violently, and another flash of light illuminated the black shadow that rushed in. The lightning had struck nearby again, but this time there was no impact like before, and I knew it had passed.

Takatora-san spoke to me as I turned around in silence.

“Sorry, I thought you were talking to someone, so I didn’t want to interrupt...”

As he said this, he cast a fleeting glance toward my laptop. What was there was a pitch-black monitor screen, displaying nothing at all.

“Hana-san...?”

When he called my name, my back jumped involuntarily.

I turned back to the unpowered laptop, said, “Sorry, talk to you later,” and snapped the monitor shut.

Suddenly, I remembered the words of that wonderful chairwoman I had met at the long-established inn.

—Life is lonely enough as it is, so to be cast out into boundless freedom... that is truly an incredible penance, isn’t it?

It probably wasn’t just because I was single that I couldn’t forget those words. My environment as a child was exactly like being cast out into boundless freedom, and I was always left with more loneliness than I could handle. And at the end of that penance, this is what I have become.

As I stared at Takatora-san in silence, the doorbell rang, despite it being the middle of the night. I had only one person in mind who would do something so inconsiderate. I pushed Takatora-san into the living room without a word. He let himself be moved without any resistance, and I handed him his jacket.

I really like hot pot.

Takatora-san looked down at me with a puzzled expression as I suddenly spoke up.

My family was always scattered, and we never once sat down together for a hot pot meal. So, for me, it's a dish I've always longed for, a symbol of family harmony. I was so happy to be able to eat hot pot with you, Takatora-san. Thank you so much for coming today.

I pretended not to notice the look on his face that suggested he wanted to say something, and I continued speaking unilaterally.

I'm sorry. In the end, I choose to be alone.

The doorbell rang again. Oh, I feel so bad for the neighbors.

I fell silent again, and this time I pushed Takatora-san's back toward the entrance. However, his large back, unlike before, did not budge an inch.

Are you really sure about that?

As Takatora-san said this and turned his whole body around, I felt as if I were about to be blown away quite easily, but I hurriedly steadied myself. I was at a loss for words and nodded repeatedly instead of answering.

The doorbell rang a third time, and I couldn't help but run to the entrance. As I was unlocking the door with my right hand, my left wrist was grabbed from behind. It wasn't a strong grip, but his body temperature felt very hot.

I turned around instinctively, and my eyes met Takatora-san's.

Then why are you crying!!

Almost at the same time as he said that, the front door opened, and a young man as beautiful as a rose appeared. Instantly, the surroundings were enveloped in Gin-chan's presence, and even the raindrops seemed to splash beautifully.

It was past midnight, and the date had changed. The 'tomorrow' that Gin-chan had spoken of when he said 'See you tomorrow' had arrived.

After Gin-chan looked at us with a puzzled expression, he called out to Takatora-san, saying, 'Hey.'

You both say you like Hana, so why are you making her cry?

Thunder rumbled dully in the distance.

Stop it, Gin-chan. He's already on his way home.

Gin-chan opened the front door wide and beckoned to Takatora-san, who was trying to persist against my words.

Save the lovers' quarrel for another day, will you? It's a nuisance to the neighbors, after all.

I wondered who was talking, but for now, I let it slide. After a few seconds of hesitation, Takatora-san lifted his head as if he had made a decision, looked straight at me, and said.

Until next time!! Definitely, until next time!!

Before I could even watch his back grow smaller, the front door was forcibly closed by Gin-chan.

.....

Perhaps it was to fill an unbearable sense of loneliness.

One of the few memories I have of conversations with my mother that weren't about ballet surfaced in my young heart.

It happened when, quite by chance, my parents and I were all together in the living room.

The program on TV at the time had absolutely nothing to do with ballet, yet my mother reacted in a rare moment and spoke to me.

When I had my first checkup after getting pregnant with you, they told me there were two in my womb, but one was small, so I would likely end up with just one. I didn't understand what that meant at the time, but I suppose this is what it was.

Vanishing twin. It refers to a state where twins are conceived, but one of them disappears. Hearing just that, it sounds like a story from a fairy tale.

In the first place, it seems that a certain percentage of pregnancies end in natural miscarriage in the very early stages. If that happens before the mother even realizes it, she might never even know she was pregnant, and it is said that this is not at all rare.

A vanishing twin is when that natural miscarriage occurs only to one of the twins. Unlike what is generally called a miscarriage or stillbirth, it usually requires no medical intervention, and the prognosis for both the mother and the remaining fetus is almost always good.

I didn't even know the mechanisms of pregnancy yet, so it was impossible for me to understand everything. But the words that there were originally two of us left a strong impression on me.

That I was not alone.

The older sisters my classmates would sometimes talk about, who they went to piano lessons with, or the younger brothers they fought with over swings at the park—the belief that such a person really existed for me too grew and grew, and eventually, the existence of a twin brother took shape in my mind.

I would fantasize about my imaginary brother saying the words I wanted to hear from my parents, and when I felt lonely, I would talk to him in my heart. Every time I did, the loneliness and anxiety would fade away.

Hana is reliable, so she'll be fine, my father said.

My mother told me that I would surely become a prima.

The only one who gave me the love of a family was my twin brother who lived inside my head.

"I don't have the confidence to go on with a child who won't dance. That's why I never wanted children in the first place."

The day I was told those words by my mother, my adolescent heart lost its balance. If I, who wouldn't dance, wasn't needed, did I have any value in living at all?

In the middle of a downpour, while soaked to the bone on the roof of my house, I wondered if it would be easier to just throw myself off. No, maybe this height wouldn't be enough. As I turned these dark thoughts over in my mind, I suddenly heard a voice—not my mother's, not my father's, and different from Aunt Shoko's or Gin-chan's.

"Hana, you'll catch a cold. Let's go inside together."

It was my twin brother, who shouldn't have existed in this world, who said that.

From then on, Chihaya took on a form and began to speak.

To be continued in Episode 10, 'The Banquet of the Outsiders'
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