[Self-Dialogue] The Story of How I Learned That Words to Myself Change My Life 🗣️💬 [Experience Edition]

Every morning, whenever I looked in the mirror,
I would whisper certain words in my heart.

“I’m not good enough anyway.”

It wasn’t like anyone could hear me.
I wasn’t saying it out loud, either.

But those words were
repeated over and over again every single day directed at myself.

After I was cheated on, those words became even stronger.

Dozens of times a day,
I kept throwingwords that hurt myself at myself.
It wasn’t that someone else was blaming me.

It was all words I was saying to myself—

Back then, I didn’t realize


how much those words were making me suffer.
I just thought I was saying


“the truth.”But now I understand.The one who was closest, and for the longest time,the one who was influencing my life,



wasn’t the words of people around me.

It wasthe words I was saying to myself

every day.And when those words started to change,little by little, my life started to change too.

[The one who was hurting me more than anyone else was myself]

One day, while reading a psychology book,
I came across words that made me stop in my tracks.

It is said that people have
over 60,000 thoughts a day.

And it seems that many of them are just repeating
the same things as yesterday.

In that moment, I was struck.

“I’m not good enough anyway.”

“It was my fault.”

“I can’t do it.”

Back then, I was saying those kinds of words to myself
over and over again every day.

It wasn’t because someone else was blaming me.

The one who was blaming me the most was myself.

[The mental habit called “Self-Talk”]

In psychology,
the words you say to yourself are called

“self-talk.”
Self-talk is always flowing through your head,

even if you aren’t saying it out loud or aren’t conscious of it.

Even such casual remarks, when repeated every day, gradually become your own “norm”. The brain takes your own words as

“fact”. In psychology and neuroscience, it is said that the brain cannot

“what actually happened in reality”


and “what you repeatedly believe” completely distinguish. That is why if you keep thinking “I am no good.”

every day, your brain tries to accept it as the “fact”
that

“this person is a failure.”

. Then, it starts looking for only events that support that thought. In psychology, this is called


“confirmation bias”. For example, even if you did ten things well, if you fail at one, only that one remains strongly in your memory. Even if you are praised, you brush it off saying “It was just a fluke.”


. Conversely, if you are slightly criticized, you become convinced, “I knew I was no good...”

. The old me was exactly in this state. But conversely, by gradually changing the words you say to yourself every day,

the information the brain picks up


and how you see reality

will also change little by little. When I learned that fact, for the first time, I realized,
“It wasn't just the past that was tormenting me.”

“The words I am saying to myself every day now”


were also part of it. That is what I realized.

[Why am I so hard on myself?]

Reading this far, some of you might have felt,
“I also only have thoughts that blame myself.”
. Actually, there is a proper reason for this

self-talk that blames yourself. When I learned that, I felt a little relieved, thinking,
“It wasn't just me.”


. · ───────── ·✧· ────────── · ① The words you heard as a child become your own voice


When you were a child, haven't you ever been told words like these?

Of course,
your parents and teachers may not have meant any harm.

However, a child's brain
absorbs the words around them exactly as they are more than adults realize.

And by the time you become an adult,
those words are no longer someone else's voice, but have turned into
your own voice.

Even when no one else is saying it,

"I couldn't do it again."
"I'm no good."

The reason you blame yourself like that might be the words you heard in the past being repeated in your heart even now.



② Hurtful experiences create "words to protect yourself" When I was cheated on,


"Because I wasn't attractive enough." I thought that over and over.
But thinking about it now, those words weren't the truth,

but an "answer" my brain created
to protect myself.When people experience deep hurt,

they learn so they don't repeat the same pain.


"I'll just be betrayed again anyway."

"It hurts if I have expectations."

"I'll just assume from the start that I can't do it." Because if you think that way, when you are truly hurt,

the
damage feels a little smaller.In other words,

negative self-talk is not meant to torment you, but is also a


defensive reaction created by a heart that doesn't want to be hurt anymore.③ The human brain is naturally prone to remembering only the bad things


Furthermore, the human brain has a feature that I have touched upon several times in previous articles


called "negativity bias"
.This is a property where you


remember bad events more strongly than good events
.For example, even if 10 people praise you, if 1 person criticizes you,

only

that one person's words won't leave your head

.You got 99 points at work

, but you dwell on one mistake
for days.I'm sure everyone has experienced this at least once.That is not a personality trait.It is a very


natural mechanism



that the human brain is equipped with to protect itself from danger.
Therefore, the fact that negative self-talk comes up is not strange at all.However, if you keep believing those words every day, the brain will assume it is "reality"


and will start


repeating the same words even more.
The old me was exactly in this loop.But when I learned about this mechanism, I was able to think for the first time:

"I wasn't broken.""My brain was just desperately trying to protect me.".

· ───────── ·✧· ───────── ·

[The Reason Why I Couldn't Stop Saying 'I'm Just Not Good Enough']

After the affair was discovered, I
really couldn't be kind to myself.

Every time I looked in the mirror,
'That's why you weren't chosen.' That's what I thought.

I blamed myself for gaining even a little weight.
I felt down just because my makeup didn't turn out right.

Even when someone complimented me,
'You're just being polite, aren't you?'
I couldn't accept it.

Even when someone was kind to me,
'This person will eventually leave me too.'
That's what I would think.

Looking back now, all day long,
my mind was filled with nothing but
'words that blamed me.' The time I spent

being hurt by others was
much shorter than the time I spent hurting myself,
by far.

[Blaming Myself Had Become a Way to Protect My Heart]

But,
after some time had passed, I realized something.

It wasn't that I hated myself.

In truth, I just didn't want to get hurt ever again.

In psychology, it is said that when people suffer a major wound,
they develop an unconscious
'defense mechanism' to avoid the same pain. In my case, that defense mechanism was


'to deny myself first.' I'm just not good enough. Don't expect anything from anyone. Don't have any confidence. I am a failure.

If I did that, I thought that even if someone


rejected me again, I could just say,'See, I knew it.'

But in reality, it was different. The one who kept hurting me more than anyone else

was not others, but myself.

[Just One Sentence Stopped Me──]

It wasn't that a dramatic event occurred.

One day, while I was reading a psychology book,
a single sentence caught my eye.

'Would you say those words to a dear friend?'

At that moment, my mind went blank.

'You're just not good enough.'

'You failed again.'

'You really are a hopeless person.'

If a friend were feeling down,
I would never say such things.

Instead, I would say,

'That's not true.'
'You're doing enough!'

That is what I would say.

Yet, every single day,

I kept showering myself
with those most terrible words.

When I realized that fact, for the first time,

'I had been far too cruel only to myself.'
I was able to think that.

[You Don't Have to Force Your Self-Talk to Be Positive]

There is something I don't want you to misunderstand here.

Changing your self-talk does not mean
forcing yourself to be positive.

"I'm the best!"

"I can do anything!"

Even if you tell yourself that, if your heart doesn't follow along,
your brain won't believe those words.

That is why what I started with first was notencouragingmyself, butobservingmyself.

"I'm no good anyway."

The moment I thought that, I didn't force myself to negate it.
I didn't blame myself either.

I just,
"Oh, this thought came up again."
"So that's how I'm feeling right now."

By doing that, I looked at it from a little distance.

Then, strangely enough,
the words I had previously thought were"absolutely correct"I began to realize, little by little,
were just"thought habits."Self-talk is not something you change by fighting it.
I now believe that it is something that starts to change little by little, starting from the moment you notice it.

[3 things I want you to try starting today]

To those who have read this far.

You can start changing your self-talk
little by little starting today.
You don't need to do anything difficult.

First, please try just these three things.

1. Notice when you say "I'm no good anyway"

Most self-talk is unconscious.
So the first thing to do is not to change it, but

"to notice it."Even if it's just for today,

please observe a little bit
what kind of words you are saying to yourself.
If you can, it doesn't matter if it's a note on your smartphone or a notebook.

When you write it down,


"Oh, I'm saying the same thing again."You might make that kind of discovery.
Actually,

it is said that just by noticing,
the thought loop in your brainweakens little by little.

2. Think, "What would I say to a friend?"When a negative thought comes up,

please stop for a moment.


"If a dear friend were suffering from the same thing, what would I say to them?"
Surely,

"That's not true."
"You're doing enough."

"It's not your fault."

Those kinds of words should come to mind.Those words might actually be the ones

you


yourself wanted to hear the most right now. 3. Try adding just one "but"


It's okay if you don't force yourself to change your self-talk to be positive.Just try changing your perspective a little bit.

For example,


"I failed again."



instead of"I failed, but I was able to try."

"I couldn't do anything today either."


instead of"I couldn't do anything, but I was able to get up properly."

You don't have to change the facts.Just by changing the angle from which you view yourself ever so slightly, the information your brain receives will also change little by little 🧠💡

[Self-talk can be changed through practice]

To be honest, even now, there are days when I think
"I'm no good anyway."

The theme I decided to write about today is also something I started writing about because I began to think, “I’m just not good enough anyway…”. So, it’s not that negative self-talk has completely disappeared. But there is one thing that is decisively different from the past. That is that I no longer think of those words as


“facts”


.

“Oh, this feeling has come again…” “So that’s how I’m feeling right now.” By doing that, I’ve become able to look at it from a little distance. Just by doing that, my heart has become surprisingly lighter.

Who is the person you spend the longest time with every day?
It’s not your family, your partner, or your friends. The person you spend the most time with is

yourself


. That is precisely why the words you say to yourself every day

gradually shape your life

. If, after reading this article today, you become even a little bit kinder to yourself, even just once, then I feel that writing this article was worth it 😌❤️‍🩹. The person you should be kindest to is none other than


yourself

Thank you for reading until the end today as well ♪🥹͛💠

The habit of saying “I’m just not good enough anyway…”… I never thought that my own words were the ones hurting me the most 🤕🩹
I’m still not perfect, but I feel like I’ve become able to notice when I think, “Oh… it’s happening again.”

I hope this article reaches those who have been saying harsh things to themselves 🥲📨

Well then, until the next post~ 🙌 Furuppi🌼*･

#SelfTalk #SelfDialogue #SelfEsteem #SelfUnderstanding #LivingIsHard #ADHD #HSP #MentalHealth #Depression #PTSD #AdultChildren #MentalCare #ConfirmationBias #NegativeThinking #SelfDenial #InRecovery #Psychology #InnerVoice