What is it that you really need to do in caregiving?
What you really need to do in caregiving is not to take care of your parents' meals or bathing.
Instead of doing the hands-on caregiving yourself, there is something else you should be doing.
What you should be doing is building a sustainable caregiving system.
1. What you should do in "caregiving"
When you hear the phrase "providing care for parents," what comes to mind?
As a way to repay my parents for raising me, I should stay as close to them as possible and provide care.
I should live with them at my parents' house and handle the cleaning, laundry, cooking, and help with bathing and using the toilet.
As the eldest son, I should be the one doing the hands-on care. I shouldn't have to rely on others.
Many people likely have this kind of image.
According to a survey by the NPO "Tonari no Kaigo,"
over 60% of respondents answered that "providing care with your own hands is an act of filial piety"
and that "if a parent, in-law, or spouse develops dementia, you or your family should be by their side."
But think about it.
You have a job, don't you?
What will you do about your job while you are taking care of your parents?
It is true that there is a system called nursing care leave.
However, you can only take a total of 93 days of nursing care leave per family member.
Will caregiving end in 93 days?
It won't, will it?
It is impossible to do the caregiving all by yourself.
It is impossible to handle caregiving alone, whether financially, time-wise, or mentally.
So what should you do?
It's simple.
Let's borrow the strength of caregiving professionals.
What you need to do is not to do the hands-on work of taking care of your parents yourself.
What you need to do is to borrow the strength of caregiving professionals to build a sustainable caregiving system.
And nursing care leave is something that should originally be used to build that caregiving system.
Caregiving is a long-term battle.
No one knows how many years it will last or when it will end.
That is why a sustainable caregiving system and plan are important.
Thinking about what you need to do so that your parents, your family, and you yourself can live a happy life while managing "caregiving" well, and making that concrete.
That is what you really need to do.
There is absolutely no need for you to worry all by yourself.
Let's get help from caregiving professionals.
"Should I really be consulting about something like this?"
"I have to handle family matters within the family."
There is no need to worry about things like that.
Consulting with caregiving professionals as early as possible is the most important thing of all.
2. The reason why you should not do caregiving all by yourself
I will state a few reasons why you should not handle caregiving entirely on your own.
(1) You will be forced to quit your job, losing your financial stability
Even if you manage to balance caregiving and work at first, your parents' condition will change day by day.
The effort required will increase, and eventually, it will become difficult to continue working while providing care.
Even if you want to move them into a facility, finding a good one takes a considerable amount of time, which will force you to quit your job.
If you quit your job, you will lose your income and your financial stability.
You might think you can just find another job once things settle down, but finding re-employment in your 40s or 50s is incredibly difficult.
Even if you do find a job, in most cases, your income will drop drastically.
By the way, I changed jobs when I was around 30.
When I wanted to change jobs again in my late 30s, I registered with a recruitment agency and looked for openings, but I was confronted with the reality that my options were incomparably fewer than when I was 30.
I was rejected at the document screening stage in almost every case, and even when I got to the interview, I was rejected repeatedly.
Of course, I don't think it's just because of age, and I'm sure there are people who succeed in changing jobs, but for many, changing jobs after reaching their late 30s or 40s is tough.
(2) The mental stress of constantly watching your parents who require care is immense
Seeing your own parents grow old and frail day after day is harder than you can imagine.
For example, can you stay by your parent's side the whole time while watching them eat with their hands due to dementia?
If you don't use caregiving services, you will lose relationships outside of your family and spend more time facing the family member who needs care.
Stress will inevitably build up.
While I truly hope this never happens, the accumulation of stress from caregiving can sometimes lead to abuse.
Conclusion
Here is a summary of today's points.
Do not handle caregiving alone or only with family members. It is important to enlist the help of caregiving professionals
What you should do is build a caregiving system
Handling caregiving entirely on your own will lead to disastrous results
Since they are your precious parents, I understand the desire to provide care with your own hands.
But that is not the right way.
It will lead to unhappiness for your parents, your family, and yourself.
I hope that by effectively utilizing the help of caregiving professionals, you can realize a form of care that brings happiness to you and everyone around you.