Is That Word Okay? - Thinking About Words That Hurt People -

Introduction

Hello, it's Nagisa! 😊💗
We use many words to communicate every day, don't we? Words are everywhere in our lives, from interactions with family, friends, and colleagues to our exchanges on social media.

But, did you know that a casual remark can deeply hurt someone? Even if a word seems casual to you, it can cause significant damage to the other person.

For example, how would you feel if you were feeling down and someone said, "Are you really worried about something like that?"
The person who said it might not have meant any harm, but you might feel as though your feelings were dismissed, as if your worries "aren't a big deal."

The power of words is immense.
Kind words can encourage people and make them feel warm, but
cold or aggressive words can deeply wound the heart.

Especially recently, with the increase in online communication such as social media, the influence of words has become even greater. Because we cannot see each other's faces, casual comments or posts can sometimes hurt someone's feelings.

That is why this time, I decided to think deeply about "words that hurt people."
Let's think together about what kind of words hurt people, what kind of impact they have, and how we can choose words that don't hurt others!

I would be happy if you, the reader of this article, could cherish words more and improve your relationships with others. 🍀✨

Table of Contents

1. What are words that hurt people?

2. Words that hurt even without malice

3. The influence of words in the social media era

4. The suffering caused by unconscious words

5. The psychological impact of verbal abuse

6. What we can do to reduce hurtful words

7. Conclusion: Let's cherish our words

1. What are words that hurt people?

"Words that hurt people" are words that leave deep scars on the other person's heart. For example, there are things like the following.

• Insults and verbal abuse: "Stupid," "Useless," "We don't need you."

• Comparison and negation: "So-and-so can do it, but you can't," "There's no way that's possible."
  

• Ignoring or cold responses: "I don't care," "I'm not interested"

These kinds of words reject the other person, strip away their confidence, and cause deep wounds.

Furthermore, words that hurt people are not just direct; there are indirect ones as well. Sarcasm, snide remarks, and roundabout criticism may not look aggressive at first glance, but they can place significant pressure or stress on the other person.

Also, the impact of words changes depending on the situation and the state of mind of the person receiving them.
You might be able to brush off the same words when you're feeling good, but they can hurt deeply when you're feeling down. That is precisely why
thinking about the other person's feelings before speaking is so important.

2. Words that hurt people even without malice

Actually, there are surprisingly many words that hurt people even when you don't mean any harm.

• "Aren't you married yet?"
  → Remarks that ignore an individual's values or circumstances

• "Did you gain weight?" "You've lost weight!"
  → Comments pointing out body shape can make the other person uncomfortable

• "Usually, you'd do it this way"
  → Words that impose a standard of "normal"

Even if you meant it casually, it can become a huge pressure for the person receiving it, so you want to be careful!

Even in close relationships, words like "You haven't seemed yourself lately" or "Have you become quieter than before?" can become a pressure for the other person. Even if you intend to show concern as the speaker, the person receiving it might feel like they are being blamed for having changed.

Also, because what is considered "obvious" differs depending on culture and environment,
if you say "It's common sense to do such and such,"
the other person might feel anxious, wondering, "Is there something wrong with me?"

To reduce the damage caused by these unconscious words,
"Is this really for the other person's benefit?"
"Should I say this in this situation?"—
it is important to develop the habit of thinking once before putting it into words.

3. The influence of words in the SNS era

With the spread of SNS, the influence that words have has become even greater.

• Defamation due to anonymity
  → Criticism and insults spread easily

• Words that are spread
  → Once words have spread, they cannot be taken back

• Self-negation through comparison
  → Seeing glamorous posts and thinking, "I'm no good"

I want to post with the awareness that "a comment written on a whim can change someone's life."

Especially on SNS, since we often communicate only with short sentences, stamps, and emojis, the way the other person receives it can be unexpectedly different.
Even if you think, "I meant it as a joke" or "I just said it in a lighthearted way,"
it can sound serious to the other person.

More and more people are making extreme statements because they
want to go viral or attract attention.
However, you must not forget that those words have the potential to hurt someone.

Because you cannot see the other person's facial expressions on social media, it is important to choose your words carefully. To avoid misunderstandings, it is important to develop the habit of thinking about how someone might receive your words.

4. The suffering caused by unconscious words

We use a lot of casual words in our daily lives.
However, some of them can hurt others without us even realizing it.

Even if you say, "I didn't mean it that way" or "It was just a joke,"
the other person may be deeply hurt.

Words that corner others without you noticing

• "You can do it if you try hard." → Even if intended as encouragement, it can become pressure depending on the person's situation
  

• "Is that all you can do?" → Even if they are trying their best, they feel like their results are being dismissed
  

• "You used to be more like XX, didn't you?" → When changes are denied, it feels like you are being denied yourself
  

Even if the person saying it has no malicious intent, it can create pressure in the other person's heart, such as "I have to try harder" or "I'm no good."

The impact of unconscious words by situation

[Words in the workplace]
In the workplace, due to hierarchical relationships and work pressure,
a casual remark can have a significant impact.

• "This is just common sense, right?" → Easily becomes a way of looking down on the other person
  

• "It's natural for a newcomer to make mistakes." → Ends up putting pressure on them instead
  

• "Can't you be more efficient?" → Leads to denying the other person's efforts
  

[Words at home]
Even among family members, unconscious words can hurt each other.

• "You're the older brother, so just put up with it." → Forcing a burden based on age or position
  

• "You're a girl, so do it like this." → Gender-based impositions become a source of stress
  

• "You're a mother, so it's natural for you to do it." → Tends to make people forget to show gratitude
  

Such words make the recipient feel that
"their feelings are not being valued."

Casual remarks can sometimes lower a person's self-esteem, so
let's review our daily language.

5. The Psychological Impact of Verbal Abuse

Words have power. That power can work positively, but it can also have a negative impact.
Verbal abuse causes significant psychological damage to others.

• Loss of confidence: Believing that "I am a worthless person"

• Stress and anxiety: Worrying too much about what others think

• Deterioration of relationships: Becoming afraid of interacting with people due to fear

Furthermore, verbal abuse includes not only words intended to hurt someone, but also words that corner others without the speaker realizing it.

[Specific examples of psychological impact]

• Lowered self-esteem → Losing confidence after being subjected to negative words repeatedly

• Worsening of interpersonal relationships → Becoming afraid of socializing due to verbal trauma

• Reinforcement of self-negation → Becoming convinced that "I am a failure"

[Long-term effects and the difficulty of recovery]

Because wounds from words are invisible, it is hard for those around you to notice them.
However, they remain in the heart for a long time, potentially lowering self-evaluation and negatively affecting relationships.

For example, someone who was told repeatedly as a child that "you can't do anything right" may grow up believing that "I can't do it anyway." This is a psychological state called "learned helplessness."

Let's understand the power of words instead of thinking they are "just words."

6. What you can do to reduce hurtful words

So, how can we reduce words that hurt others?

1. Put yourself in the other person's shoes (take a breath before speaking)

Just by thinking, "How would I feel if someone said this to me?" your words will change.

• "What kind of impact will these words have on the other person?"

• "Is it really necessary to say this right now?"

2. Be mindful of rephrasing

• "Did you gain weight?" → "How have you been feeling lately?"

• "Aren't you married yet?" → "How have things been going lately?"

• "Are you still doing that?" → "You're working hard!"

• "That's obviously impossible" → "Let's think about how we can make it happen"

• "Usually, you'd do it this way, right?" → "There's also this way of doing it"

3. Increase positive words

"Thank you," "That helped me," "That's amazing!" etc.,
try to be conscious of using positive words.

4. Take a breath before posting on social media

It's a good habit to think, "Will anyone be hurt by these words?" before you post.

7. Conclusion: Let's cherish our words

We've thought about "words that hurt others," but how was it for you?

The words we usecan sometimes hurt someone without us even knowing it.But just as much as that,
words also have the power to encourage people, give them courage, and convey kindness.

"Words can be a blade that hurts someone"or"they can also become something warm that saves someone."Just by being a little careful about the words you use, you can protect someone's heart.

"Thank you," "Are you okay?," "You're working hard!"When you are told things like that, you sometimes feel relieved or get a boost of energy, right?

Just by changing your words a little, you can greatly influence how the other person feels.
That is precisely whybeing conscious of "what kind of words to use" is very important.

【3 things you can do starting today to cherish your words】

1. Try thinking, "How will this sound to the other person?" before you speak.

   • Try imagining how you would feel if someone said that to you.

2. Try increasing your use of positive words.

   • Try to be conscious of words that make the other person feel positive, such as "Thank you," "That's wonderful," or "You're working hard."

3. Take responsibility for your words

   • Even in interactions where you cannot see the other person's face, such as on social media or in messages, do not forget the power of words.

If we cherish our words, those words will surely warm someone's heart.
By choosing your words carefully, your relationships with others will improve,
and you should be able to communicate in a way that feels good for you as well.

Finally, a word from me to you.
Thank you so much for reading this far 😊
By valuing others and using kind words,
your surroundings will surely become a wonderful place filled with kindness too 🌸
See you later!!

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