There were times I was crushed by the idea that 'it's okay to be laid-back about parenting.'
My only son is now 8 years old.
I am, by nature, a rather nervous person.
'It's okay to be laid-back about parenting'
=
'It is good to be laid-back about parenting'
Of course, this 'laid-back' is meant in the sense of being 'easygoing'.
How nice 'easygoing' sounds.
I envy it.
Children raised by easygoing parents surely grow up to be easygoing themselves.
My son, who recently received a clear and definitive diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, probably had traits that made him difficult to raise, looking back now.
Either way, for a nervous person, the hurdle for being 'easygoing' is high.
'Don't worry about things like that! Hahaha!'
How wonderful it would be if I could say that.
'Just be laid-back,' 'Take it easy,'
Every time I heard things like that, I felt like a failure for not being able to do them.
When my son was born, the midwife told me to breastfeed every three hours, and I did that for quite a long time.
When I asked, 'How long do I have to keep doing this?'
she replied, 'Obviously forever,' but I wonder what that was all about.
Was it really necessary to wake a sleeping baby just to feed him?
Because he wasn't gaining weight, I kept adding formula as instructed, and he started refusing breast milk.
It was painful to have my baby reject my breast.
Mastitis was also painful, and the idea that 'it gets easier after three months' was a complete lie.
It was hard until he turned three.
(I started to find him cute from age three, and that brings us to now.)
My mother, who lives far away, would give me advice on a whim, but whenever I asked her something, she would say, 'I don't remember.'
My husband was watching me from further away than he is now.
When I was trying so hard, being told 'it's okay to be laid-back' made me want to cry.
It felt like a denial of my efforts.
'Being laid-back' isn't something everyone can do.
The public health nurse who listened to me at the checkup
'You're doing your best, Mom.'
She said that to me.
I cried.
My son is 8 years old now.
Being 'laid-back' is still difficult,
but I talk to him a lot, listen to him a lot, and explain things carefully.
So far, that hasn't been wrong.
Because my son is growing up to be a wonderful person.