While I cannot say I have 'prosopagnosia,' I am actually quite bad at remembering people's faces.

#20250618-548

June 18, 2025 (Wed)
This has been the case since I was a child, but I am bad at 'remembering people's faces'.

It is not to the extent that actor Brad Pitt described in interviews, having suffered for years from not being able to recognize faces, nor is it like the father (Lakan) of the protagonist Maomao in the novel 'The Apothecary Diaries,' for whom people's faces look like game pieces.
Therefore, I think I am at a level where I am just a little 'bad at remembering people's faces'.

Looking back, it was when I was in the lower grades of elementary school.
My teacher told me, 'When listening to someone, look them in the eyes,' and as an obedient child, that became a habit.
It seems that staring too directly into someone's eyes can make them feel pressured, so it is better to look vaguely at their eyebrows, mouth, or neck, and make eye contact occasionally, but habits formed in childhood are hard to break.

When I look at someone's eyes, I cannot grasp the features of their entire face.
Therefore, it is actually the people I have many opportunities to talk to one-on-one that I sometimes fail to remember the faces of, even though we are close.

After all, among the people I have dated in the past, there were some faces I could not find in a crowd.
I want to experience what it is like in manga, where the person you love shines brightly and you can spot them immediately even in a group.
In my student days, before smartphones were widespread.
Meeting at the station ticket gate was painful. I would look at the faces of every single person coming out of the gate so as not to miss them, and I would get increasingly confused trying to find the person. The frustration of not being able to wave from afar. The awkwardness of waving at the wrong person.
So, I would read a book and wait for the other person to find me. If the other person had been someone who struggled with facial recognition as much as I do, we might never have met.

It is still easier to remember people I have the opportunity to talk to in a group of a certain size.
That is because I can quietly look at their face while they are talking to others. Moreover, since I can see them from various angles rather than just face-to-face, I get more information about their face.

My eyesight gradually worsened from the time I was in the upper grades of elementary school.
This—though it might not be correct according to modern medicine—I believe was because when I was a child, I would read books under the light of a flashlight while huddled under my futon in a dark room after bedtime. Also, both my father and grandmother were very nearsighted, so there might be genetic factors as well.
I started wearing glasses when I entered junior high school, but then I couldn't get used to a world that was too clear, and I almost fell down the stairs because I couldn't grasp the depth. Therefore, I started wearing glasses only during class.
Perhaps because I was in that environment during puberty, I came to rely less on faces to distinguish people, and more on gestures, silhouettes, and voices that I could see vaguely.

Now that I am over 50, have I become bolder?
Or perhaps it is because my presbyopia has progressed rapidly lately, and even with glasses or contact lenses, my vision is not quite stable, but I have become able to 'ask' when I don't know who someone is.

The other day, I was heading to the supermarket on my bicycle.
A woman, also on a bicycle, called my name as we passed each other. We were both on bicycles. I could have just shouted 'Hello!' and kept going, but I had no idea who it was, so I ended up stopping my bike and looking back.
The other person also stopped her bike and looked back.
Because we were both on bicycles, there was already quite a distance between us.
Even if I squinted through my glasses, I couldn't see.
'I'm so sorry, who is this?'
The other person told me her name in a bright voice, and the voice matched the name.
'Oh!'
Both of us were in a hurry to get home before our children returned from school. We immediately said 'See you!' and pedaled our bikes.
Later, I apologized on LINE for not recognizing her. I already have trouble with faces, and since presbyopia was added to my nearsightedness, my field of vision is hazy.
She replied on LINE with a laughing emoji, saying, 'Well, we're pushing fifty.'

I am even worse with celebrities, including actors, and because their impressions change drastically depending on their costumes and roles, the confusion is greater.
I never have face-to-face conversations with them, and their names are displayed in the subtitles, so that helps. Even so, there are a few groups of three people I cannot tell apart.
Mu-kun (my husband) seems to have gradually understood my 'inability to recognize' faces over the 13 years we have lived together, and lately, he just laughs.

I was also unsure about the face of my foster child, Noko (a 6th-grade daughter), right after she was placed with us.
Since there were no children around me, I wasn't confident I could distinguish her from a large group of children, let alone inside the house.
During the sports festival, where everyone wore the same gym clothes, I distinguished her by her conspicuous socks.
That was at the sports festival the other day.
There was an event where they were barefoot. I thought I wouldn't be able to find her, but it seems the years we spent living under the same roof for six years were not in vain.
I was able to find Noko by her gestures and physique.
A feeling of joy welled up from the bottom of my stomach, slowly, slowly.
I felt like raising both hands and cheering 'Banzai!'

By the way, I can identify Mu-kun.
In a sense, does that mean he has distinct features?
Among the several reasons I married Mu-kun, there is also that 'sense of security that I can find him'.
This might not be understood by others, but it is incredibly important to me.