Five Ways to Delve Into People's Thoughts That I Realized After Being Told to 'Take More Interest in Others'

"Fujii-san, you need to take more interest in people."

How ridiculous.

If I weren't interested in people, I'd be gracefully eating lunch in an office district right now, clicking my heels in pumps. Why do you think I'm doing such gritty work?

—It was on the tip of my tongue, but I knew that if I said it, my boss would fire back with a level of retort I'd never recover from, so I just gave a half-hearted "Yeah" and let it slide.

My job at the time was welfare-based community development.

It was a job where I listened to the residents living in the town, confirmed the policies of the government and organizations, and coordinated with relevant agencies to think about "how to make this town more livable."

I went out in the scorching sun and in the rain, jumped into various circles of people, and drew out the true feelings of those in different positions.

Like a matchmaker, I wove together the words of people with different perspectives.

Is this a job you could do without being interested in people?

Even as I thought that, those words kept nagging at the back of my mind.

The body-blow style of guidance starts to take effect slowly

That boss was strict with both himself and his subordinates. (He was even strict with his own boss.)
But he was a passionate person who would carefully take time when giving guidance.

One day, I consulted him because I couldn't get the opinions in my assigned area coordinated.

Everyone's opinions were so scattered, it was like a tangled ball of yarn.
It was a strange phenomenon where we were supposed to be starting something new, but the more we discussed it, the further away it felt.

It was at that time that I was told, 'Fujii-san, you need to take more interest in people.'

At the time, I thought, 'That's ridiculous.'

But a few days later, in a fleeting moment, something caught me off guard.
It was a slow-acting, body-blow type of realization.

Perhaps I had been so desperate to hear opinions from so many people that I was only skimming the surface of their words.

'How should I wrap up this meeting?'
'Who do I need to clear this with?'
'What coordination do I need to do next?'

I was listening to people while thinking only about things like that.

When I tried to consciously 'take more interest,' I decided tocompletely turn off that 'coordination mode' and focus on what the person in front of me was saying.

Then, the background behind their words and what they truly wanted to say began to slowly, gradually come into view.

The slight hint of loneliness in the voice of an elderly woman who smiled and said, 'I just want this town to be a more livable place.'

The fleeting look of anxiety in the eyes of a new mother who said, 'It would be a big help if there were a new place for me to belong.'

Taking interest meant'delving more deeply into that person's thoughts.'

5 points for delving into people's thoughts

I mainly focused on the following things.

1. Observe facial expressions and gestures more than words

There might be true feelings hidden behind a smile. For example, people whose mouths are smiling but whose eyes are not are often actually enduring something. Since the other person will feel pressured if you keep making eye contact, try looking away slightly to gauge the timing when they naturally relax their expression.

2. Do not fear silence

Silence is not just a lack of words, but a time for thoughts and emotions to mature. When the other person is hesitating about what to say next, if you rush to fill the gap with words, you might miss the chance for their true feelings to spill out. Try asking a light question like, 'How are you feeling right now?' and you might suddenly see the core of the matter.

3. Try asking the same question from a different angle

If the answer you get when you ask, 'What do you think about this project?' is vague, try changing the direction by asking, 'Is there anything you feel anxious about?' or 'If you were to make it into your ideal form, what would it look like?' Sometimes, their true feelings will slip out from an unexpected angle.

4. Confirm by saying, 'This is how I felt, am I right?'

When you put into words what you felt, such as, 'You seem a bit hesitant, are you perhaps feeling a little anxious?', it helps the other person realize their own feelings. By doing this, it becomes easier for the other person to feel safe saying, 'Yes, that's right,' and you can have a deeper conversation.

5. Instead of just 'listening' to the story, 'feel' it

Be conscious of not just listening to the words, but 'feeling' them, including the other person's facial expressions, tone of voice, and the way they use pauses. For example, someone who speaks slowly might be thinking carefully, while someone who speaks quickly might be feeling impatient. It is important to sense that atmosphere and create an environment where it is easy for the other person to talk.

When you listen with interest, the range of stories you can naturally draw out expands.
When you can notice what the other person really wants to say, the focus becomes clearer, and discussions become smoother.

Because of that change, not only did my way of working change, but communication itself became fun for me.

I also began to think that my role is to connect people's voices, connect their thoughts, and connect them to action.

That is why, even now, I remember it every time I listen to someone talk.

'Fujii-san, you need to take more interest in people.'

Those words changed me from 'just a listener' into a 'connector'.

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