The words that shattered my long-awaited dream, and the essence of support [Until I, who had no plans, became a social worker ③]

I finally found a dream.
Something decent that I could finally say with pride.

It was when I was a junior in college and job hunting started to loom.

In the end, this is a story about how that dream of mine was shattered.

The third episode of my spiraling thoughts

▼ Click here for the first and second episodes

A chaotic room and her true feelings

On a humid evening when the dampness clung to my skin, I heard unforgettable words at the children's home where I volunteer every week.

“But Non-chan (me), you have a home to go back to. I want to go home too. I want to live with my mom.”

The one who said it was a second-year junior high school girl.
She is like an older sister to everyone in the facility. She is so responsible that you might ask, “Are you a staff member?”

But that day was different.

Books from the shelf were scattered on the floor, and she was firing off verbal abuse at the staff. The room was a battlefield. To put it in my limited vocabulary, it was simply “chaos.”

When her ragged breathing calmed down a little, I sat next to her and asked, “What’s wrong?” After a long silence, she muttered.

“I wanted to see my mom.”

I who wanted to be a “mother” (I, who was full of arrogance)

At that time, I was holding up such a noble dream:“I will become a ‘mother’ to the children here!”

I was enthusiastic, saying, “I want to work at this facility and become a substitute mother for the children who cannot live with their own mothers.” Looking back now, it was quite arrogant, but I was serious.

But her words forced me to face reality.

"I dream about my mom every night. We're together, but then some stranger pulls us apart, and I'm chasing after her."

Her voice as she said this went beyond heavy or sad; it was somehow quiet.
That quietness, conversely, pierced my heart.

On the way home, my head was spinning so much that I probably bumped into three people on the station platform. (I'm sorry.)

But in the midst of that, there was one thing I understood clearly.
"What children are looking for isn't a 'substitute mother'."

Because, what they truly wished for was the 'environment where they could live with their mother' itself.

No parent gives birth to a child with the intention of abusing them.

She was a child who had come to the facility after being abused.
I expected her to say things like "My parents are scary" or "I don't want to see them anymore," but it was the complete opposite.

"I want to see my mom every night."

That was the reality. And she wasn't the only one.

No matter the circumstances, children continue to think of their parents.
And parents, too, didn't give birth to their children wanting to abuse them from the start.
There was simply an environment there that forced them into abuse.

So, what can I do?

"Create an environment where they can live with their parents."

The moment I thought that, the path I should take was decided.

The Council of Social Welfare has a somewhat intimidating name, but

"Family" is the smallest unit of society. The next unit is the "community."

To support families, wouldn't it be better to approach it from the community?
And what I arrived at was the field of community welfare.

No matter how much you say "Let's end abuse!," if parents are pushed to their mental and economic limits, there's nothing that can be done.

To protect children, it is necessary to support parents.
To support parents, the power of the community is necessary.

At the forefront of that community welfare is the "Council of Social Welfare (Shakyo)."

Alright, I'll get a job at the Council of Social Welfare!
...or so I thought, but it seems a social worker qualification is required.

That's why the story of me attending a vocational school for a year after graduating university to get the qualification is another matter entirely. (Deepening friendships with the old guys obsessed with horse racing predictions at the McDonald's where I studied in the morning is also a good memory.)

Thinking about the essence of support - It's not "helping," but what is truly necessary

I hear the word "support" often, but when you actually do it, it's more difficult than you'd imagine.

At first, I thought, "I want to help the children" and "I want to be a substitute mother." But her words, "I want to live with my mom," took me by surprise.

Support is not taking someone else's place.
It is about creating the environment that the person truly needs.

① Solving the problem right in front of you is not a fundamental solution

Creating an environment where people don't have to come to a facility in the first place is important. (Needless to say, the existence of facilities as a safety net is incredibly important!)
While it is necessary to provide support after someone is in trouble, “mechanisms to prevent trouble” = preventive support is even more important.

② Not a “one-way street,” but “thinking together”

I used to have this image of support as having a “helper” and a “person being helped.”
But in reality, those who provide support also learn a lot from those who receive it.
It is not a one-way street. What is important is not “imposing” help, but facing the same direction as the other person and thinking together.

③ The goal is not to “keep carrying them on your back,” but to “support them in walking on their own”

The truly meaningful support is “enabling that person to walk on their own power.”
The destination is not to support them forever, but to reach a point where they can eventually say, “I’m okay now!”

Putting my mindset at that time into words, I learned these things through personal experience.

Support is not just about solving the immediate problem at hand.
It is about creating a mechanism that allows that person to live their life in their own way.

The day my dream was shattered was actually a turning point in my life.
Instead of taking someone else’s “place,” I want to create a path that is easier for them to walk on.

When I think of it that way, there is still a mountain of things to do, and I am excited.

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