A story about realizing I lacked the resolve to face myself after reading a certain book | Adult Children | Mental Health

Since my physical and mental health have stabilized,
today is a slightly longer, contemplative mode...!

The moment I first truly realized the resolve required to face myself and how difficult it is,
was when I read,

“The Artist's Way”
(by Julia Cameron).
I read it back when I was a company employee, so it might have been quite a while ago...?

So,
I don't remember the detailed contents of the book...

At the time, I remember being drawn to the impact of the title,
and finishing it relatively soon after purchasing it.

Do what you've always wanted to do...?
What is it that I really want to do...?


I feel like it's similar to the worries one goes through at least once during adolescence, but...
Meeting this book after becoming a working adult,
gave me a chance to rethink it all over again.

...It did give me the chance, though.


I stumbled right away,
while trying to practice the Morning Pages that appear in the book,
which you write as soon as you wake up.

The idea is to write down the feelings and thoughts that come to mind in the morning,
because your mind is fresh and it's easier for honest feelings and thoughts to emerge, but...

Back then, I couldn't write.
Whether it was positive or negative feelings within me, I didn't know what I was thinking or how...

Thinking about it now,
I probably couldn't even look at my own true feelings and thoughts back then.
I think there was a fear that if I started writing, I wouldn't be able to stop,

and I would fall to the bottom of a deep ocean.
If I wrote down my honest feelings...
If I realized my true feelings...
I could vaguely imagine at the time that my mental state would plummet.
I think I was so busy just getting through daily life that I didn't have the resolve or the capacity to face my "true feelings."

The feelings suppressed during my childhood and in my relationship with my parents, and how I had lived my life...

Perhaps I was unconsciously afraid of my adult child elements
being laid bare.
Ironically, it wasn't until I resigned from my company due to poor mental health that I started to face that and think about it seriously.

But, if I look at it positively...

If I hadn't suffered from mental health issues,
I never would have faced my true feelings.
Thinking that I might still be spending my time in a fog,
I'm really glad I was able to make time to face them.


I've strayed quite far from the book's content,
so to get back on track...

This book is mainly about unleashing your own creativity.
In the end, I
didn't even reach the main part about creativity in my practice...!! (😂)

As for me now,
I've gradually regained my mental stability,
and I feel like I've thought about, dug deep into, and organized the past until it was crumpled up over the last few years...

So,
if my physical and mental health continue to be stable for a little longer,
I'd like to read this book again for the first time in years.

I feel like I might have different discoveries than I did back then,
which makes me a little excited.

*This article contains affiliate links (I am participating in the Amazon Associates program🫧)

Thank you for your hard work today as well🪽
I'll post again soon🫧