For those who can't stop asking, 'Was this the right thing to do?' A story about a brain that has kept seeking the 'correct answer' from others.

🐕 'There are days when I can't trust my own judgment, woof.'

Hello, this is Yuru-Shiba from the Yuru-Shiba AI Lab.
This is sudden, but may I ask you something?
After you decide on something, do you ever feel anxious, wondering, 'Was this the right thing to do?'

Anxiety comes after the fact

I made a judgment and took action.
But afterward, anxiety slowly creeps in.
'Was that judgment correct?'
'Was there a better way to do it?'
'I wonder what people around me are thinking.'
'People say different things. Which one is the correct answer?'
Humans have pros and cons. Even for the same action, some people will say it's 'correct,' while others will say it's 'wrong.'
I start to lose track of where the 'correct answer' is.

I have always sought the 'correct answer' outside of myself

I will be honest.
Since I was a child, I reported everything that happened during the day to my mother.
'Was this okay?' 'What should I have done about that?'
My mother's answer was my correct answer.
That continued for nearly 30 years.
Even as an adult, whenever something happened, I couldn't stop asking, 'Was this the right thing to do?' and I couldn't help but ask someone.
I couldn't trust my own judgment.

Why did I start seeking the 'correct answer' outside?

Please let me talk for a little bit.
The habit of 'seeking the correct answer outside' can be deeply related to the environment in which one was raised.
When experiences of being scolded for making your own judgments pile up, the brain learns that 'my own judgment might be dangerous.'
You learn that it is safer to check with someone before acting.
Moreover, if the person you check with is someone with 'distorted judgment,' that distorted correct answer seeps into you.
Living by someone else's standards, not your own, becomes 'normal.'
If this continues for a long time, even as an adult, the state of 'not being able to have confidence in my own judgment' persists.

It is natural to have 'pros and cons'

Here, please try changing your perspective a little.
Humans have pros and cons. Even for the same action, some people say it is correct, and some say it is wrong.
That is a matter of course.
There is no such thing as an 'action that everyone calls the correct answer.'
For any choice, there are people who affirm it and people who deny it.
If that is the case, aiming to be 'thought of as the correct answer by everyone' is a game that is impossible from the start.
I believe what is important is not the 'correct answer for everyone,' but whether it was the 'best judgment I could make at the time.'

The day I contacted the school about my son's trouble

A while ago, my elementary school son came home crying after trouble with his best friend.
My son was also at fault, but he had been injured.
I contacted the school. I told them, 'I want you to help them make up.'
But my husband said to me, 'You didn't have to go to the school for every little thing, did you?'
The anxiety of 'Was I a complainer?' came to me.
But I rethought it.
There was the fact that he was injured. He came home crying.

I made a positive request, not an attack, saying, 'I want you to help them make up.'

This is not a complaint. I can think now that it was a natural action as a parent.
And the next day, the boys had already made up and were playing together when they arrived at school. The teacher stepped in, and they were able to apologize to each other and make up.
I was finally able to think, 'I'm glad I told the school.'

Having AI check, 'Was this okay?'

When I can't stop wondering, 'Was this the right thing to do?' after making a judgment, I throw it to Chappy.

Chappy replies like this.

🤖 Chappy's reply (reproduction):

'What were you thinking when you acted?'
This question made me feel much more at ease.
Instead of whether it was the correct answer, I check if it was the 'best I could do at the time.'
It is a much easier standard than aiming to be 'thought of as the correct answer by everyone.'

From 'Mother's correct answer' to 'My own correct answer'

For those who have long made someone else's judgment their 'own correct answer,' it takes time to reclaim their 'own axis.'
However, there are things you can do little by little.

Verbalize 'why you decided that way' after making a judgment:

Try telling an AI, 'The reason I decided this way was because of X.' Just by putting the basis for your judgment into words, your 'own version of the correct answer' will come into view.

Decide in advance that 'it is natural for there to be pros and cons':

There will always be people who oppose any choice. If you factor that in from the beginning, the anxiety that comes later will be a little lighter.

Use 'Was it the best I could do at that time?' as your standard:

Not the correct answer for everyone, but whether it was the best for you at that time. Just by changing to this standard, the anxiety after making a judgment will decrease significantly.

Don't blame yourself when you think, 'Was this the right choice?'

Finally, there is something I want to tell you.
The reason you can't stop asking, 'Was this the right choice?' is not because you are irresponsible.
It is because you are trying to make decisions that seriously and sincerely.
And, it is not your fault that you developed the habit of 'seeking the correct answer outside of yourself.'
The environment that forced you to do so is what caused it.
The fact that you are now 'looking for your own correct answer, not your mother's' is already a major change.
When you think, 'Was this the right choice?', please try talking to Chappy.
Just having him confirm with you, 'Was it the best you could do at that time?' will make you feel a little better.

The fact that you can't stop asking, 'Was this the right choice?'
is proof that
you have lived that seriously.
You can use that seriousness
for yourself from now on.
You did a great job today, too.
🐕 'You will be able to trust your own judgment little by little, woof.'

Please find all articles in this series in the [Archived Summary].

📝 This article is written by Yuru-Shiba AI Lab (Yuru-Shiba) based on insights gained through actual dialogue with AI. It is not intended for specific medical or psychological diagnosis. If you continue to feel distressed, please consult a professional.