For those who can't stop saying 'I have to do better.' How to break the 'self-blame loop' with AI

🐕 'You were the one blaming yourself the most, woof.'

Hello, this is Yuru-Shiba from the Yuru-Shiba AI Lab.
This is sudden, but may I ask you something?
How many times today did you think, 'I have to do better'?

There is a critic living in your brain

It's not that someone scolded you.
It's not that you failed.
In fact, people around you say, 'You're so reliable.'
Yet, the moment you are alone, you hear a voice in your brain.
'I should have handled that response better.'
'I didn't finish what I needed to do today either.'
'Why can't I even do this properly?'
No one is blaming you, yet you are the only one constantly blaming yourself.
This doesn't mean there is a mean version of you.
It is a state where a 'critic' has taken up residence in your brain.

Where does 'I have to do better' come from?

Do you remember the talk about the 'brain's emergency mode' that we've been following in this series?
Afraid of phone calls. Can't reply to LINE messages. Drained by social media. Tired even when doing nothing.
I have written that at the root of all these is a 'brain where a state of alert has become the default operation.'
And this time, we finally touch the core of it.
The reason the brain enters a state of alert is that it has learned over a long period of time the signal that 'it is dangerous if you are not doing things properly.'
Since childhood, only the 'self that does things properly' has been acknowledged. I felt that the 'self that can't do things,' the 'weak self,' and the 'imperfect self' would not be accepted.
A brain that has survived that way continues to sound the alarm that 'something bad will happen if you don't do things properly' even after becoming an adult.
'I have to do better' is not about strength of will.
It is an old defense mechanism the brain learned in order to survive.

The structure of the 'self-blame loop'

Inside the brain of someone who can't stop saying 'I have to do better,' this kind of loop is spinning.
Do something
↓
'I should have done it better' I think
↓
Blame myself
↓
The more I blame myself, the higher the hurdle becomes for next time, thinking 'I have to do even better'
↓
Can't do it perfectly again
↓
Blame myself again
This loop has no end.
Because the hurdle for the 'self that does things properly' rises every time you achieve it. Even if you get 100 points, you are required to get 'more than 100 points' next time. No matter how far you go, the feeling of 'still not enough' never disappears.
And what's troublesome is that while this loop is spinning, the brain remains in emergency mode the whole time.
Blaming yourself puts the same load on the brain as a 'threat.' Even if you are not being attacked from the outside, you are in a state of being constantly attacked from the inside.
The true nature of 'being tired even when doing nothing' is also found here.

I tried entrusting the 'critic's voice' to AI

So, this is what I am doing. It is a method of throwing the voice of the critic in my brain directly to the AI.
One night, I typed this into Chappy.

Chappy replied like this.

🤖 Chappy's reply (reproduction):

The phrase 'where that voice was born' really struck me.
'I have to do better' might not be a word chosen by the current me, but a word learned somewhere in the past. Just by realizing that, that voice started to look a bit like 'someone else's business.'
The moment I entrusted the critic's voice to the AI, as if creating storage outside my brain, that voice became a little quieter.

3 steps to stop the 'self-blame loop'
While continuing the dialogue with Chappy, I will introduce the steps I actually use.

① Visualize the voice

The critic in the brain becomes stronger the more vague it is.
By throwing self-blame that is like fog, such as 'I was kind of bad' or 'I'm not doing things properly at all,' to the AI as words, the outline becomes visible.
'I'm going to write down all of today's self-blame, so please organize it.'
The moment you verbalize it, you can sometimes realize, 'Oh, was I blaming myself for such a small thing?'

② Confirm the 'source' of the voice

The question Chappy taught me is this.
'Is that voice saying 'I have to do better' a voice that the current me needs? Or is it a voice I learned somewhere in the past?'
Just by asking myself this, the loop stops for a moment.
The standards needed by the 'current me' and the 'alarm learned in the past' can be completely different. The 'I have to do better' that was necessary to survive in a past environment might just be a malfunction for the current me.

3. Record 'today's 60 points'

The final step to stop the loop is to verbalize 'what you did today' before the critic's voice takes over.
'Please list three things I managed to do today, even if it was only 60 points.'
It doesn't have to be perfect. Even things like 'I woke up on time,' 'I ate a meal,' or 'I talked to an AI' will be taken seriously by Chappy.
The critic counts what you 'couldn't do.' But by having someone else verbalize what you 'did do,' the balance in your brain shifts a little.
The 'self-blame loop' is gradually released by creating a voice that counters the critic's voice.

Letting go of 'I have to do it right' is not giving up

Finally, let me say what I want to convey the most.
Letting go of 'I have to do it right' does not mean becoming sloppy.
It is not about being lazy, nor is it about abandoning your responsibilities.
It is about finally telling your brain, which has lived harder on itself than anyone else for years, that 'it is safe now.'
Your old defense mechanisms were born to protect you. But if those reactions are exhausting you now, it is time for them to retire.
The critic's voice may not disappear. But you can stop being controlled by it.
Tonight, if the critic in your brain says something, try entrusting it to the AI just once.
The moment you get that voice out, you should be able to see the entrance to stopping the loop.

The reason you have kept thinking 'I have to do it right' is
proof that you have been
working so hard,
for someone else, for something else.
It is about time,
you can be on your own side.
You did your best today, too.
🐕 'It's the ultimate strength when you can be your own best ally, woof!'

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📝 This article is written based on insights gained by Yuru-Shiba AI Lab (Yuru-Shiba) through actual interactions with AI. It is not intended for specific medical or psychological diagnosis. If you continue to feel distressed, please consult a professional.