My Zazen Experience (2006)

A long time ago, I had a Zazen experience in Kyoto.
It was an overnight stay from Saturday night to Sunday morning, where I not only practiced Zazen but also ate shojin ryori (Buddhist vegetarian cuisine) and experienced the keisaku (encouragement stick).

At the time, I was in my second year of working, and it was just around the time I had moved to Kyoto. I decided to go because I thought it might provide some hints for my life, as I was struggling with it just as I had started to settle into my professional life.

After getting a job, I felt more and more like I had just been walking along the major tracks of society—middle school, high school, university, and then employment. Of course, I had various conflicts along the way, and I believe I made the best choices I could at the time, but when faced with the question of "What do I want to do?" that was pressed upon me once I became a working adult, the path leading up to my employment started to feel that way.

In fact, when I was a newcomer who had just jumped into a technical position, I faced walls of despair in my work, an environment that felt like the "lion throwing its cub into a ravine" proverb, and nothing but failures due to my own ignorance of the world. I couldn't imagine a future where I could keep working at the company, and out of a sense of helplessness, I reported my resignation to my supervisor.
At that time, I was asked, "When I look at you, it looks like you're working against your will," "Why did you join this company?" and "What did you want to do that made you choose this profession and industry?" I was told to write those things down and bring them in. At that moment, I couldn't answer anything.
Of course, I had reasons for choosing the company and the industry that I had talked about in my job interview. But I felt that what was being asked of me at that time was not on that level.

In the end, I decided to stay at the company, but the confusion I felt at that time never went away, and I was looking for some kind of hint.

I think I also had the feeling that I had been chasing the mountain of employment, but once I climbed it, I couldn't see my goal anymore.

It was at such a time that I went to the Zazen experience.

On the day, it was Saturday evening, and I finished the registration. I remember it was very low budget, around 1,000 yen.

That night, I sat in Zazen intently in a place like a Zazen room. At this time, there was an explanation about the etiquette of Zazen and the keisaku. During Zazen, I was taught detailed etiquette, such as looking two or three meters ahead with half-closed eyes, and how to sit cross-legged and how to hold my hands. The reason for not closing my eyes is that delusions will attack you. I remember the explanation that the keisaku is not something used to hit someone out of personal emotion, but rather "used for those whose etiquette is poor or who do not know why they have come."

After Zazen, we slept on the spot, but I remember it was freezing cold because there was no air conditioning, as it was just before winter.

Around 5:00 the next morning, I woke up to the sound of a bell rung by the monk in charge, and immediately sat in Zazen on the spot.

After that, we moved to a different location, performed a practice of walking around a pagoda (likely kinhin, or walking meditation), and then sat in Zazen again in a nearby sutra hall (?).

Then, we had shojin ryori for breakfast. I remember the contents were porridge, two pieces of takuan (pickled radish), and I think one other item. What was particularly impressive was the etiquette of eating. We were instructed, "It is etiquette to leave one piece of takuan for the person who washes the dishes, and to wipe the porridge from the bowl clean before eating it." During this time, sutras were chanted here and there.

Once the series of religious services were over, we finally moved to a Japanese-style room. Here, there were announcements of the reasons for participating by those who were there for the first time, a sermon by the monk in charge, and a discussion with the participants.

I talked about how "I had gotten a job, but I didn't understand life anymore" and that "I was curious because a book on Zazen I read beforehand said it would 'set your heart free'." Others also participated, such as someone who had "recently lost their father" and members of a student circle who were "thinking about world peace."

The monk's sermon proceeded based on his own experiences in response to the participants' stories. In the middle of it, there were words that I felt were directed at me.

After that, the monk in charge left saying, "I have duties to attend to," and returned to his daily tasks. There was an optional discussion afterwards, but I had a bad feeling that I was going to be lectured (laughs), so I left at that timing.

I participated a second time a while later, but it didn't have the same intense impact or fresh realization as the first time, and that became my last Zazen experience.

It was a long time ago and my memories are fragmented, but the content of the sermon and the explanation of the etiquette at that time remain deeply impressed upon my heart.

I checked to see if they are still doing it for the sake of writing this article, but I couldn't find anything. It was quite a long time ago, so the style might have changed by now.