Perhaps I will never be with the person I love most in this life

I haven't finished my life yet, so I can't say for sure.

But I have met someone who makes me think I might never meet anyone else I could love from the bottom of my heart.


I am a married woman.

The person I feel this way about is not my husband, but another married man.

I met that man six years after I got married.


Of course, when I got married, I was with my husband because I loved him the most.



But perhaps the "love" I thought I felt back then was more like,

"I like this person. I want to be with them forever."
"It's just the natural next step since we were dating at the right age."

That kind of feeling.

I don't think those feelings were a lie, of course.


I thought I would never love anyone other than my husband for the rest of my life, and I didn't think it was possible...


When I was young, I didn't really understand "crushes" or "love," and...

• His face is my type♡

• He's cool because he can play sports♡

• I like him because he's kind♡

I would fall for people "just because," based on their looks or intuition.

But people like that are everywhere.

...That's right.
They are replaceable.

To put it bluntly, they arepeople you can find anywhere if you look.

That might be "liking" someone, but it isn't "love."

"Unrequited feelings"
"An existence like an idol"
"The thrill of the excitement"

That's what it feels like.

But this isn't a bad thing; everyone goes through it.

I think youth in your teens is especially like this.


But as time passes,

your values, outlook on life, and ways of relating to others become established.
And after experiencing pregnancy and childbirth,
your own heart and environment begin to settle in your 30s...

By the time I experienced the feeling of "This might be 'true love'...", I was already married.

"Why did we meet now??"
"Am I being tested?"

I ask myself these questions every day.

But I thought for a moment.

Perhaps it is precisely because we cannot be together that we struggle and are able to "love"...🍀



The "person you love most in life" and the "person you can live your life with" are not necessarily the same.


You cannot say for sure that you will be able to hold hands in reality with someone who makes your heart tremble.

I sometimes thought, "That can't be true," or "That's cruel."


But perhaps that is not a tragedy.


Because we were not meant to be, that love remains forever untainted, and even if it fades over time, it continues to shine quietly somewhere...

The feelings I have for that person will continue to live deep in my heart, even if they lose their form.

I realized that love is not something that is completed only by "being together."

Even in feelings that never reach their destination, love is certainly alive.


That is why both the pain and the warmth must be what make me the person I am.

Love that never comes to fruition is beautiful precisely because it remains incomplete.
As a story that never ended, it will live on forever in the depths of my heart.