A Chaotic Sunday in My Head, Cats, and the Air Conditioner

Today is Sunday, but my husband went to work. I hadn't slept well since last night, so I woke up early to see him off.

Last night, there was a drinking party to celebrate a company milestone.
I had dozed off a bit and was almost late.

But everyone welcomed me warmly with smiles.

It was surprisingly glamorous and stylish, with people wearing precious metals. I thought I should have dressed more properly, but since it seemed like no one cared, I decided to just focus on eating, drinking, and having fun.

We decided our seats by drawing lots, and I ended up right in front of the company president.

The president is one year younger than me and has a slight vulnerability, but I think they might be a good person.

However, I have memories of various companies I've worked for in the past, and of their presidents and company dynamics, so I couldn't help but think, 'I hope they don't go down the wrong path,' and I honestly told them what I wanted to say.

I've only been a part-time employee for five months, so I'm spiraling, wondering if I said something unnecessary.

Before going to sleep, I ended up remembering unpleasant events from past companies and the words and actions of their presidents, so I couldn't fall asleep easily.

Yesterday, I sold an item on Mercari, but the shipping cost was high, so I didn't make much profit. What I did out of a sense of service ended up hurting me, and I thought, 'Ah, I did it again.'

This morning, the fatigue and the sense of chaos in my head were too strong,
so I turned on the air conditioner and am lying down in the bedroom with my two cats.

Since summer started, I haven't turned on the air conditioner by myself, so I feel a bit guilty, but it's cool and comfortable, and the cats are relaxed too.

I'll just lie down and rest for the morning.

I'll do housework and cleaning in the afternoon without pushing myself.

Before that, I have to ship the Mercari item.

If I fail, I'll just use it as a lesson for next time.

Looking back, I can now put into words that I've always had a tendency to see someone glamorous and kind, only to get caught in a loop of thoughts connecting them to my own past memories.

I realize I'm tired and my head is in chaos, so I'm taking time to rest my mind and body.

And then, I turn on the air conditioner and relax with my two cats, allowing myself this luxury.

Maybe I should give myself a little credit for that.

I want to earn a good living, but it puts a heavy strain on my heart, and changing my way of thinking is truly a tough challenge.

But today, there is no conclusion.

Thank you for reading this far.