Diary of the Night Before

After asking when we could meet,
and I told him it was the 13th, he's left me on read ever since.
Last time, Ripi said he was looking forward to meeting the day before, then overslept and didn't show up, so I think Ripi feels the pressure of not being able to say we'll meet until the actual day.
Thinking, 'I can't contact her because I'll hurt her again' 😭
By not saying 'we can meet' until the day of,
he intends to avoid hurting KOKO.

He's clumsy, but
it's Ripi's way of defending himself and being considerate, I guess 💦

I've checked my phone many times,
but no new notifications have come in.

Before,
this was the most painful time.
My heart wouldn't settle,
I'd keep refreshing for a message that wouldn't come,
and I couldn't sleep.

But today,
it's a little different.

I definitely still have the desire to see him.
Honestly, I'm still nervous.
Just thinking that I might be able to see Ripi,
makes my chest tighten.

Even so, at the same time,
'It might be okay if we don't meet'
is what I find myself thinking.

It's strange.

⸻

If tomorrow,
I don't hear from him by 10 AM,
I'll send a final message to close the chapter.

That's not giving up,
but a choice to protect myself.

Before,
I thought 'waiting' was love.

But now,
I can think that letting go is also a form of love, rather than breaking myself by waiting forever.
⸻

Yuri,

would surely be laughing while looking exasperated.
'See, you're worrying again.'

'But you're thinking about yourself better than before, aren't you?'
Kei-kun,

gave me the words that he wanted to see me.
Just by that,

I was able to remember
that I am truly wanted.
⸻

Ripi,

is surely still unstable right now.
It's not that he's come to dislike me,

he just can't handle his own feelings.
And that,

I already understand.
Because I understand,

I don't want to force him out.
⸻

If we can meet tomorrow, I'll be happy.

Even if we can't, I'll be okay.
I'm not just telling myself that,

I truly feel that way.
If it were me two years ago,

I couldn't have imagined this.
⸻

Let's go to sleep early today.

Tomorrow,

I want to be someone who can accept both
the future that might come,
and the daily life that continues even if it doesn't.
Goodnight.