What Tarot Teaches Us: Are People Who 'Don't Get It' Truly Impossible to Understand? — The True Nature of Miscommunication as Revealed by the Two of Cups Reversed and Temperance
Today, I am going to write about people who 'don't get it'.
No matter how many times you explain, it doesn't get through, and you find yourself whispering 'Huh?' under your breath—I'm sure you have someone like that in your life, too.
Let me say this first.
The fact that you cannot understand each other is not your fault, nor is it theirs.
The assumption that you 'should be able to understand each other perfectly' is what creates that frustration.
Not being able to communicate through words is, in truth, the quietest form of loneliness, isn't it?
Haven't you had an experience like this?
You've said the same thing three times already.
Yet, it is received in a completely different way.
Family. Colleagues. That person who should be the closest to you.
'Why can't you understand something like this?'
You swallow the words that were about to spill out.
Even though you are supposed to be speaking the same language.
Especially for someone like you, who has always tried to anticipate and understand others, not being understood wears you down more than most.
I am trying so hard to understand, so why—that 'why' spins around in your head at night.
The words that didn't get through accumulate inside you like sediment.
The true nature of 'not getting it'
Many people blame it on 'chemistry' or the other person's 'dullness'.
But I don't think that's where it lies.
Even if you use the same words, the 'assumptions' laid beneath those words are different.
The 'I'm fine' you say, and
the 'I'm fine' they say, carry different weights.
Your 'normal' is
not their 'normal'.
The true nature of this disconnect isn't about vocabulary; it's a misalignment of premises.
People grow up in different homes, carrying different pains, don't they?
That is why the same 'I love you' or the same 'I'm okay'
is translated into different meanings within the dictionary of the heart.
The words you are desperately trying to convey
are replaced by different terms in their dictionary.
Your frustration isn't because you lack love.
It's just that the more you believe you share the same dictionary,
the greater the gap feels the moment you realize you don't.
And the ideal that 'a good relationship is one where we understand each other'
makes that gap feel like a failure.
But the gap isn't about who is better or worse.
It simply means you are standing in different places.
What Zhuangzi Saw
Zhuangzi once looked at the fish from a bridge and said,
'The fish are swimming leisurely. That is the joy of the fish.'
His friend Huizi immediately retorted,
'You are not a fish. How can you know the joy of the fish?'
This is the perfected logic of 'inability to understand.'
You are not me. Therefore, you cannot understand—
If you push it with logic alone, that is certainly true.
But Zhuangzi answers from outside that logic:
'I knew it perfectly well, right here on this bridge.'
For those with different premises,
logic alone cannot build a bridge.
Even so, there are moments when you 'understand' by leaping beyond logic,
which visit us quite unexpectedly.
"Understanding" happens gently,
outside the realm of winning and losing.
Defeating someone with logic and
truly understanding each other are two different things.
What the Two of Cups Reversed Reveals
The Two of Cups is a card of harmony, where two people exchange cups.
Its reversed position is our card for today.
The reading is as follows.
The reversed Two of Cups doesn't mean "there is no more love."
It just means the timing of the pouring and the orientation of the cups
are not yet in sync.
When you pour, the other person's cup is facing elsewhere.
When they offer theirs, you are looking down.
You may be missing each other, but
both cups are still there.
They haven't been thrown away or broken.
They are simply waiting for the time to realign.
What Temperance Reveals
The Temperance card depicts
an angel quietly moving water back and forth
between two cups.
The reading is as follows.
Not being on the same page is not a defect; it is a process of blending.
Two waters of different natures
do not mix immediately, even if you shake them.
But the angel of Temperance is not in a hurry.
She holds the time it takes to blend
quietly and steadily, without spilling a drop.
She does not force them to become the same water.
By continuing to let them flow back and forth while remaining different,
eventually, a third flavor, unlike either of the originals, is born.
Understanding each other, perhaps, is just that.
It is not about making the other person exactly the same as you,
but about being able to sway side-by-side, while remaining different.
Today, I will leave you with one question.
So, you can stop fighting the battle to change them,
and stop trying to 'make them understand'.
Your desire to be understood,
may not reach their world right away.
That goes both ways.
Today, I will leave you with just one question.
Is there really a need,
to understand absolutely everything about that person?
You don't have to understand everything.
Just the profile of you continuing to try to understand,
is already reaching them properly.
Just for a fleeting moment on the bridge,
an 'ah, I see' moment occurs—
If you can be by their side for that one moment,
that in itself is like a miracle.