Who exactly is the funeral for when we continue it just because 'that's how it's always been'?

Sunday, July 19, 2026. Hello, this is Kuri-san (^^♪

Today was the first anniversary memorial service for my aunt and uncle. I am 56 years old now, so people close to me are passing away one after another. I have more opportunities to attend funerals and memorial services, and every time I do, I wonder when my turn will come. I am in the camp that doesn't want a wake or a funeral; I want to be cremated as soon as it's time, have my ashes scattered in the sea or mountains, and I don't want to be put in a grave.

Setting myself aside,
when someone passes away, things start moving so frantically that there is no time to grieve.

You have to decide on a funeral home, contact relatives, hold a wake, and then have the funeral and farewell ceremony the next day. After that, you head to the crematorium, pick up the bones, have a meal, and greet the attendees. The bereaved family should be physically and mentally exhausted from just losing a loved one, yet they have to act like the 'operations manager' of a major event.

When you happen to say, 'Couldn't we make it a bit simpler and send them off quietly?', you always get the same response from those around you.

'That's how we've always done it.' 'It's a pity if you don't do it properly over two days.' 'I don't know what the relatives will say.'

However, is the current form of the funeral that we believe is 'normal' really a 'tradition' that has continued unchanged since ancient times?

Japanese funerals have changed their form many times to suit the era

If you look back at history, the way Japanese people send off the dead has not been the same from the beginning. Depending on the region, there were burials and cremations, and there were also methods like 'mogari,' where the body was kept for a certain period before being buried. Long before Buddhism was introduced, there was already a culture of worshipping ancestors with a unique view of life and death.

The major turning point where the connection between Buddhism and funerals became this strong is actually in the Edo period. Due to the religious policies of the Edo Shogunate (the temple registration system), people were required to become 'danka' (parishioners) of a temple somewhere. At the time, temples were not only places of worship but also played a role similar to what we would call a 'government office managing family registers' today. Within this system, the connection between the series of systems—funerals, posthumous names, memorial services, and graves—and the temples became rigidly solidified. In other words, part of the funeral system that we think of as 'ancient Japanese tradition' was not born solely from pure faith, but was largely established by the 'social system' of that time.

Also, the 'wake' was originally a very private affair called 'yotogi,' where relatives and neighbors spent the night by the body. It is quite different from the commercialized form we see today, where people gather at a funeral hall, a monk chants sutras at a set time, and then a 'wake meal' is served.

Furthermore, from the end of the Meiji period to the Taisho period, the 'funeral procession,' where people would form long lines to head to the cemetery, disappeared in urban areas, and the 'farewell ceremony' that leads to the present day spread. Then, after the war, white wood altars, funeral halls, and services by specialized funeral companies spread rapidly across the country. Research by institutions like the National Museum of Japanese History also analyzes post-war funerals from the perspectives of 'the spread of cremation and the transformation of funerals into farewell ceremonies' and 'the commercialization of funeral services.'

What we call a 'normal funeral' is actually just a relatively new 'package' that was neatly put together around the post-war period of high economic growth.

It is not the 'ritual' of the funeral that is strange

To avoid misunderstanding, I do not think the funeral itself is meaningless at all. Having a proper ritual as a milestone allows some people to gradually accept the cruel reality that a loved one has passed away over time. There are also many times when the heart is saved by the time spent with relatives and friends gathering to talk about memories of the deceased.

Even in documents from the Agency for Cultural Affairs, the Buddhist funeral considered common in Japan is introduced as a two-day form consisting of a wake and the funeral/farewell ceremony the following day.

What is strange is not the funeral itself. It is forcing only the formality of 'this must be done' onto others without thinking about the original meaning of that ritual.

We don't even know if the deceased really wanted that. The bereaved family left behind has no financial leeway, nor the physical or mental capacity. Even so, for the sake of 'public appearance' or 'the eyes of relatives,' they push themselves to invite dozens of people, build a magnificent altar, and carry out a large-scale two-day ritual.

Does that really mean they are cherishing the deceased from the bottom of their hearts?

The 'way of mourning' is already starting to change

In the modern era, a wide variety of methods are being chosen to suit individual circumstances, such as family funerals, one-day funerals, direct cremations (cremation-only services), and non-religious farewell gatherings. Recent sociological research also points to a notable shift (downsizing and individualization) from traditional, elaborate funerals to family funerals, one-day funerals, and direct cremations, against the backdrop of a declining birthrate, an aging population, urbanization, and population migration due to depopulation.

Incidentally, according to Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare statistics for fiscal year 2022, the current cremation rate in Japan is 99.97%. This is an overwhelming figure even by global standards.

The ways of sending off the dead, which were once diverse by region, were once unified into a 'standard two-day package' by the state and businesses after the modern era, and now, in the Reiwa era, they are returning to 'diverse forms that suit each family.' Looking at the flow of history, the current changes might be more natural.

Those who want a grand funeral should have one. Those who want to be sent off quietly and calmly by just their family, that is fine too. I think it is also wonderful to have a cremation first, and then hold a farewell gathering with close friends once the bereaved family's hearts have settled a little.

What is important is not the scale of the format or the amount of money spent. It is 'what the deceased wished for, and how those left behind can accept that parting and move forward.'

Even cultures that are stubbornly protected for the reason that 'it has always been that way' have changed their form many times throughout history to match the times. Isn't culture something that should be passed down flexibly as people living in that era re-examine its meaning, rather than something to be frozen and preserved rigidly?

A funeral is not a 'presentation' to show off to society or relatives.

So that the bereaved family does not end up exhausted and full of regret when someone passes away, while we are still healthy, we should casually talk about 'how I want to be sent off' and 'how I want to send off my family' while drinking coffee in the living room. I think that just by starting there, the culture surrounding death in Japan could become much kinder to the living.

How would you like to say goodbye to this world?
Please take this opportunity to think about it.

See you again tomorrow. This was Kuri-san (^^♪

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