It's Not Your Personality That Makes Relationships Short-Lived | Let's Review the Repeating Patterns

Every time I feel like my relationships don't last,

I sometimes think,

"Maybe it was my fault again."

At first, we were able to talk normally, but then distance gradually grew between us. Even with people I thought I had become close to, communication eventually faded away before I knew it. Even when invited out, I would be too considerate and end up exhausted, eventually returning to my time alone.

When things like that happen a few times, I gradually start to feel like there is a problem with my personality itself.

Maybe I'm just bad at socializing. Maybe I'm the kind of person who can't keep a relationship with anyone for long. Maybe I'm just going to repeat the same thing again.

However, the fact that relationships don't last is not necessarily just a personality issue.

Hidden within it are the ways we have unconsciously learned to keep distance from others, the efforts we make to avoid being disliked, and defensive reactions formed from past experiences.

In this article, instead of blaming yourself for relationships not lasting, we will gradually review the patterns that keep repeating.

To change, let's start by understanding yourself, rather than denying who you are.

The frustrating feeling when you feel your relationships don't last

When you feel that your relationships don't last, it's not just simple "loneliness" that's there; it's often layered with frustration, anxiety, and self-denial. You want to connect with someone, but you can't get close effectively. You want to cherish the relationship, but for some reason, it becomes painful along the way. In this chapter, we will take a careful look at the feelings occurring in your heart during those repetitions.

Conversations with friends and colleagues always cut off halfway

At first, we were supposed to be talking normally.

Having a little small talk during a break at work. Sending updates to friends. Getting a little excited talking about things we like with someone we just met.

In those moments, I feel like I am properly connected.

But after a while, the conversation cuts off. I don't know what I should say from my end. Communication from the other person also gradually decreases.

Before I know it, distance has grown again, as if it just faded away naturally.

When things like that continue, I feel like, "Maybe I don't have the ability to maintain relationships."

But the fact that conversations don't continue does not mean you lack charm.

Perhaps you are constantly on edge during conversations.

Trying not to say anything strange.
Trying not to bore the other person.
Trying not to be disliked.
Trying not to be seen as too intense.

When you talk while being that careful, the conversation itself can stop being enjoyable and turn into a 'task to avoid failure'.

And then, you end up exhausted.

Deep down, you want to talk more naturally.
But the more natural you are, the scarier it feels.
You feel like if you show your true self, people will leave.

Because of that fear, your words gradually become stiff.
The conversation loses its breathing room.
Even though you want to close the distance with the other person, you end up building a thin wall around your own heart.

When relationships don't last, what you need might not be to 'become a more interesting person'.

First, realize just how tense you have been every time you have a conversation.

From there, a way of looking at yourself without blame begins to emerge.

Staring at the screen after sending an SNS message, anxious about whether a reply will come.

After sending a message, you find yourself checking your phone screen over and over again.

Has it been read yet?
Will a reply come?
Did I write something strange?

Every time a notification sound rings, you feel a little hopeful, and when it's a different notification, you feel a small sense of disappointment.
If it shows as read but there is no reply, your heart suddenly starts to churn.

They might just be busy.
They might just be planning to reply later.
You try to think that way in your head.

But your heart automatically drifts toward the worst-case scenario.

Maybe they dislike me.
Maybe I was too intense.
Maybe they already find me a bother.

A single message can cause your mood to fluctuate wildly.

People who feel that their relationships don't last often struggle with the 'blank space' between communications.

You cannot wait for the time when there is no reply as just time passing.
You feel that silence as a judgment of yourself.

But the speed of the other person's reply does not determine your worth.

A slow reply doesn't necessarily mean you've been disliked.
A brief lull in conversation doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over.
Just because the other person doesn't respond immediately doesn't mean you have become unnecessary.

Yet, the reason you feel anxious is not because you are weak, but because you are afraid of losing your connection with others.

I believe you have continued to engage with people while carrying that fear.

That is precisely why it is okay to start by saying this to yourself.

"The time spent waiting for a reply is a little scary for me."
"When I think I might have been disliked, my heart becomes unsettled."

Just being able to realize that creates a little bit of distance.

Observing the movements of your own heart before being swallowed by anxiety.
That is an important gateway to rethinking your relationship patterns.

Feeling uneasy after turning down an invitation, thinking, "Maybe they dislike me again."

In reality, you just wanted to rest a little.

You were tired.
You didn't have the capacity to make plans.
You wanted to spend that day quietly by yourself.

So you turned down the invitation.

But after turning it down, your heart feels uneasy.

What did they think?
Will they stop inviting me?
Was I rude?
Will there be distance between us again?

Even though you should have protected your own time, for some reason, you feel like you did something wrong.

For those who feel that their relationships don't last, "saying no" is a very big event.

This is because saying no feels like a trigger that destroys the relationship.

But in reality, saying no and rejecting someone are not the same thing.

I can't meet today.
I don't have the capacity right now.
I'll pass this time.

That does not mean you have come to dislike the other person.

You simply valued your own state of being.

Even so, the reason you feel anxious might be because you have experienced in the past that "refusing leads to a worsening of the relationship."

They became moody.
They gave you the cold shoulder.
They made you feel guilty.
They stopped inviting you.

When you have memories like that, you feel like the same thing will happen with the person in front of you now.

But the person in front of you now might not be the same as someone from your past.

And you, too, are allowed to make slightly different choices.

If you currently want to connect with someone but always feel a distance somewhere and are deepening your loneliness, that feeling is not just because of your personality. The more someone struggles with relationships, the more they tend to have a background of trying too hard not to be disliked. When relationships don't last, there is often a contradictory feeling hidden behind it: "I want to connect, but I'm afraid."

First, I want you not to blame yourself for having that contradiction.

The reason relationships don't last might be an unconscious effort to "not be disliked"

When thinking about why relationships don't last, many people think, "Maybe my personality is bad" or "Maybe my communication skills are low." But in reality, trying too hard not to be disliked can sometimes make it difficult to maintain relationships. In this chapter, we will look at those unconscious efforts.

Noticing yourself being overly concerned with the other person's reactions during conversation

When talking to people, you are always watching the other person's facial expressions.

Was what I just said boring?
I feel like their expression clouded over a little.
Their tone of voice might have changed.

You end up worrying more about the other person's reaction than the content of the conversation.

You feel relieved if they smile.
You feel anxious if there is a slight pause.
You think that just because the other person looked at their phone, the conversation with you might be boring.

When you spend your time like that, you feel exhausted after the conversation ends.

Even though it should have been fun, you suddenly feel drained on the way home.
While looking at your own face reflected in the train window, you end up recalling today's remarks one by one.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
Maybe I should have asked them more questions.
Maybe I talked about myself too much.

If this post-conversation review doesn't stop, meeting people itself starts to become a little scary.

The reason relationships don't last might not be because you are bad at talking, but because you are monitoring yourself the entire time you are talking.

You have little time to be yourself.
You cannot relax in front of others.
You keep your guard up to avoid making mistakes.

If that happens, no matter how much you like the other person, it becomes painful to continue the relationship.

The effort to avoid being disliked may look like you are cherishing the other person at first glance.

However, if you hide all your true feelings and only watch the other person's reactions, 'you' disappear from the relationship.

And the other person will also be unable to touch your true self.

To maintain human relationships, it might be more necessary to increase the moments where you can relax a little, rather than having perfect conversations.

Being unable to speak because you choose your words too carefully, thinking, 'If I say this, they might dislike me.'

You have things you want to say.

But you revise them in your head over and over before putting them into words.

Will this sound like I'm disagreeing? Will this be seen as heavy? Will I be thought of as a weird person? Is it safer to just agree with their opinion?

While you are thinking that, the flow of the conversation passes by.

In the end, you smile vaguely. You say, 'That's true.' You agree with the conversation even though you think otherwise.

The situation might look peaceful on the surface.

But a small sense of being left behind remains in your heart.

I couldn't say my true feelings again. I hid myself again. I went along with the other person again.

The accumulation of those moments can become the exhaustion of continuing a relationship.

When the desire to not be disliked is strong, your words become increasingly cautious.

So as not to hurt the other person. So as not to ruin the atmosphere. So as not to be misunderstood.

That caution is also a form of kindness.

However, when you become unable to say anything because you choose your words too carefully, it becomes difficult to close the distance with the other person.

People sometimes feel a sense of closeness when they encounter not just neatly polished words, but slightly wavering, true feelings.

Of course, that doesn't mean you should say everything that comes to mind.
There is a difference between blurting out your true feelings and showing a little bit of your true self.

"I felt a little bit like this."
"I've been thinking a bit about what you just said."
"I can't explain it well, but I thought there might be another way to look at it."

Even with small words like these, it is practice in staying present in a conversation without erasing yourself.

When you feel like your relationships don't last, what you might need isn't more perfect words, but the experience of trying to speak even while remaining a little imperfect.

There are moments when you want to close the distance, but instead, you end up building a wall.

There is someone you want to get along with.

You want to talk more.
You want to get a little closer.
Actually, you want to invite them somewhere.

But the moment you try to get closer, you get scared.

What if I get rejected?
What if I'm being a bother?
It would be embarrassing if I were the only one who wanted to be friends.

Thinking that way, you end up doing nothing.

Or, even when the other person reaches out to you, for some reason, you act cold.
You're happy, but you pretend to be indifferent.
You actually want to talk more, but you act like you're busy.

Moments when you want to close the distance, but instead, you build a wall.

It is painful because even you don't quite understand why.

Among those whose relationships don't last, there are people who simultaneously have a "desire to get closer" and a "fear of getting closer."

The closer you get, the greater the possibility of getting hurt.
The more precious someone becomes, the more afraid you are of losing them.
The more you expect, the more painful it becomes when they drift away.

So, you distance yourself first.
You pull back before things get deep.
You keep the relationship shallow before you can get hurt.

This might not be because you have a cold personality, but because it is a method you learned to protect your heart.

However, if that method is making you lonely right now, it might be time to try a different approach, little by little.

If you are exhausted from suppressing yourself because you "don't want to be disliked by anyone at all," that effort might actually be making it harder for your relationships to last. Behind that forced effort, past trauma or defensive reactions may be hidden.

The effort to not be disliked is also something that has protected you.

So, you don't have to let go all at once.

However, if you can realize that those efforts are what are making you suffer right now, you can start to change how you build relationships little by little.

A time to realize that failing at relationships isn't a personality flaw, and to stop blaming yourself

When relationships end in the same way, you might feel like denying your own personality or worth. But you don't have to carry the burden of every failed relationship as if it were 'your fault.' In this chapter, we will look at these recurring relationship patterns not as fuel for self-blame, but as clues to help you understand yourself better.

Nights when you feel down about relationships ending in the same pattern over and over

Sometimes, when night falls, you might find yourself thinking about past relationships for some reason.

It didn't work out with that person either.
I couldn't fit into that group either.
I ended up alone at that workplace, too.
Whether in romance or friendship, it always seems to end the same way.

When you look back like that, your chest feels heavy.

It feels as if there are many traces of the same failure left in your life.

And in the end,

'There is something wrong with my personality'

is the conclusion you arrive at.

But there isn't just one reason why relationships don't last.

There is compatibility.
There is timing.
There are the other person's circumstances.
There is your own lack of emotional capacity at the time.
There are changes in environment.

Even so, if you blame everything on your personality, your heart loses its place to escape.

Of course, it is important to review your own patterns.

But that is not for the sake of blaming yourself.

'I tend to push myself too hard at times like this.'
'I tend to get scared when I get too close to someone.'
'I tend to feel strong guilt when I have to say no.'

It is to understand yourself in that way.

Relationships that ended in the same pattern are not a list of your failures.

It is also a record that tells you where your heart is prone to feeling pain.

When viewed with a critical eye, the past becomes nothing but painful.

However, when viewed with an understanding eye, the past becomes a small guidepost.

The morning monologue of feeling like 'I'm the only one who can't get it right'

In the morning, when you open social media, someone's happy post appears.

A photo of a trip with friends.
A photo of laughing with coworkers.
The vibe of a long-lasting relationship.
Casual interactions in the comment section.

The moment you see that, a small sense of loneliness can spread deep in your chest.

Everyone else is maintaining relationships normally.
Why is it that only I can't get it right?
Am I the only one who is somehow lacking?

While getting ready in the morning, such monologues float through your mind.

But the relationships visible from the outside are only a part of that person's life.

Even people who look happy might have exhaustion they cannot talk about.
Even in long-lasting relationships, there may have been times when they had to adjust their distance many times.
Even people who seem good at socializing might be having a self-reflection session after they are alone.

When you feel like 'I'm the only one who can't get it right,' we end up comparing the surface of others with our own inner selves.

We are comparing the bright moments of others with our own most painful emotions.

If you do that, you will inevitably feel like you are the only one being left behind.

In fact, there are not many people who are not worried about their relationships not lasting.

It's just that this worry is hard to see.

It's hard to say 'I don't have friends.'
It's hard to talk about 'I can't keep relationships going.'
It's hard to confide, 'I feel like I've been distanced again.'

So, it might just be that everyone looks like they are doing fine.

The loneliness you are feeling is not yours alone.

Just knowing that can sometimes make it a little easier to breathe.

The moment when memories of past failures intensify self-rejection

There are moments when memories of past failures suddenly come back to you.

I said something strange back then.
I was too intense back then.
I suddenly distanced myself back then.
I should have been more honest back then.

Every time you remember, the voice in your heart that blames you grows stronger.

That's why I'm no good.
That's why my relationships don't last.
I'm bound to do the same thing again.

But continuing to blame your past self doesn't make your present self feel any more secure.

If anything, it just makes you afraid of interacting with people again.

When self-rejection intensifies, you become even more tense in your relationships.

I must not fail.
I must not be disliked.
I must do it right this time.

The more you think that way, the less you can be your natural self.

And then you get tired again, and distance grows between you.

This cycle may stem less from a personality issue and more from trying to interact with others while feeling insecure.

Therefore, what you need first is not to become a 'perfect version of yourself'.

It is to offer some gentle words to the version of you that failed.

'You didn't have any breathing room back then, did you?'
'You were scared and that was the only way you could act, right?'
'But you are trying to rethink things little by little now, aren't you?'

By doing that, you loosen your grip on blaming your past self just a little bit.

If your self-rejection intensifies at the end of a repeating relationship, it is not a problem that belongs to you alone. Many people suffer from the same pattern and feel lonely. That is why it is important to understand the outcome of these repeated resets and consider different options.

Rather than continuing to blame yourself for not being able to maintain relationships, look at why it became painful to continue them.

I feel that doing so allows you to face the next relationship with a little more kindness.

Don't blame yourself for not being able to maintain relationships; try changing your perspective just a little bit

When relationships don't last, it's easy to focus only on your own flaws. However, by shifting your perspective just a little, you may start to see things differently. Relationships are not created by one person alone; they change based on compatibility, personal boundaries, and timing. In this chapter, we will gradually cultivate a way of looking at things that doesn't involve blaming only yourself.

Realizing you've been convinced that "it's your fault" that things don't last

Every time a relationship ends, you end up thinking it's your fault.

Communication decreased because you were boring.
You stopped being invited because you were too needy.
You were kept at a distance because you lacked charm.

Sometimes, you end up tying every event to your own self-worth in this way.

But you cannot build a relationship alone.

Sometimes it doesn't last even if only one person tries hard.
Sometimes the other person doesn't have the emotional capacity.
Sometimes distance grows due to changes in life.
Sometimes values gradually drift apart.

In those cases, it's often just that the shape of the relationship has changed, rather than anyone being at fault.

You don't have to determine your worth based solely on the fact that it "didn't last."

Of course, if there is something to reflect on, you can review it.
But reflection and self-denial are different.

Reflection is for making slightly different choices next time.
Self-denial is what keeps you from moving forward.

What is important when relationships don't last is to calmly look at what happened.

Did you push yourself too hard?
Did you try too hard to accommodate the other person?
Was the way you closed the distance too sudden?
Was there simply no compatibility to begin with?
Did the other person also lack the capacity to continue the relationship?

By breaking it down like this, you can distance yourself a little from the heavy conclusion that "it's all my fault."

Thinking "the other person isn't perfect either" can help you relax your shoulders

When you are struggling with relationships, you might sometimes view the other person as a perfect being.

The other person is right.
The other person is capable of normal social interaction.
Only you are failing to do it well.

But the other person is not perfect either.

The other person also has their own awkwardness.
They may be bad at replying.
They may have mood swings.
They may be too close or, conversely, appear cold.

You don't have to take every attitude the other person shows as an evaluation of yourself.

Just because you received a slightly curt reply doesn't mean they dislike you.
Just because the invitations have decreased doesn't mean you have no value.
Just because the conversation didn't liven up doesn't mean it's all your fault.

The other person also has their own fatigue, circumstances, and lack of bandwidth for the day.

Remembering that can sometimes help you relax your shoulders a little.

Relationships are things where we interact while remaining imperfect.

It's okay if you can't always choose the right words.
It's okay if you can't maintain the perfect distance every time.
It's okay if there are days when you miss each other.

It is something that imperfect people continue by making adjustments from time to time.

When you can think that way, the tension of 'if I fail, it's over' eases a little.

Quietly accepting yourself for having sought a perfect relationship too much.

People who worry that their relationships don't last are often actually trying very hard to cherish them.

I don't want to make the other person feel bad.
I want to stay friends forever.
I don't want to have misunderstandings.
I don't want to disappoint them.

That is why you end up aiming for a perfect relationship.

I should reply quickly.
I shouldn't turn down invitations if I can help it.
I have to react properly to what the other person says.
I shouldn't show too much of my own weaknesses.
But I shouldn't be cold either.

In that way, invisible rules keep increasing.

The more rules there are, the more a relationship becomes a place of tension.

Even though I really want to feel at ease, I can't let my guard down.
Even though I really want to get closer, I'm afraid of failure.
Even though I really want to keep it going, I get tired from the effort to maintain it.

Seeking a perfect relationship is not a bad thing.

However, if you only imagine relationships that won't last unless they are perfect, you become prone to feeling 'it's over' even with the slightest misunderstanding.

It's okay if there are days when your reply is late.
It's okay if there are days when the conversation doesn't click.
It's okay if there are periods where there is a bit of distance.
It's okay if there are days when you say no.

There are relationships that continue even then.

Perhaps people can find a little peace of mind in relationships that remain even when you don't act perfectly.

Before blaming yourself for not being able to maintain relationships, realize that you were just tired from trying to maintain them perfectly.

Even just that realization will slightly change how you approach relationships.

Small ways to rethink your relationship patterns starting today

Rethinking your relationship patterns doesn't mean you have to change drastically. In fact, it's more important to accumulate small realizations of discomfort and make minor adjustments to your reactions. In this chapter, we will explore small, manageable ways to rethink your patterns starting today.

Practicing letting go of the desire to be liked, just a little

The desire to not be disliked doesn't disappear easily.

Sometimes, the more you try to erase it, the stronger it becomes.

So, you don't have to try to let it go all at once.

It is enough to start by simply noticing that you are afraid of being disliked.

I am trying to accommodate the other person right now. I am afraid to say no even though I really want to. I am searching too hard for words that won't make me disliked.

Try confirming these things in your heart.

Even if you notice it, it's okay if you can't act differently right away.

There will be days when you accommodate others as usual. There will be days when you can't say no and take on too much. There will be days when you feel exhausted afterward.

Even so, just by realizing, 'I pushed myself because I didn't want to be disliked,' you will start to see the pattern little by little.

The next step can be really small.

Take a breath before sending a reply. Don't answer an invitation immediately; say, 'Let me think about it.' Acknowledge in your heart that you actually didn't want to do something. If you notice you are paying too much attention to the other person's mood, bring your focus back to the sensation of your feet on the ground.

Even things like that are enough of a rethink.

You don't need to suddenly become a strong person to change your relationships.

Even while still wanting to be liked, practice not abandoning your own feelings, little by little.

From there, the shape of your relationships will slowly begin to change.

Taking time to write down your feelings instead of forcing yourself to hide them

When relationships don't last, your emotions sometimes arrive with a delay.

You pretended to be fine in the moment, but felt exhausted after getting home.
You were laughing during the conversation, but suddenly felt sad at night.
You said it was okay when you were rejected, but your heart ached later.

You don't have to pretend those feelings didn't exist.

Whether it's in a notebook or a note on your phone, try writing them down just a little bit.

What was painful today?
Whose words bothered you, and what were they?
What did you really want to say?
At what moment did you want to distance yourself?
In what situation did you become afraid of being disliked?

You don't have to summarize it neatly.
You don't have to reach a positive conclusion.

Just place your emotions somewhere you can see them.

Writing things down is not for the purpose of blaming yourself.

It is to understand your own patterns.

For example, you might realize that you are always exhausted by 'last-minute invitations.'
You might find that you feel strong anxiety toward 'people who are slow to reply.'
You might see that you are easily hurt by 'being denied in a joking manner.'

As these realizations increase, you can prepare yourself a little better the next time the same situation arises.

Don't reply immediately to last-minute invitations.
Stay away from your phone when you are waiting for a reply.
Acknowledge the hurtful words in your heart by saying, 'That was unpleasant.'

Writing down your emotions is a modest task.

But it is a very important time for understanding yourself.

Small actions to slightly change the distance in your relationships

When you hear about changing relationship patterns, you might imagine cutting ties or having major discussions.

But you don't have to go that far from the beginning.

You can start by changing the distance just a little bit.

Wait a while before replying to someone you used to reply to immediately.
In a conversation where you were always the listener, try sharing one thing about yourself.
Try declining just one invitation you would have otherwise accepted.
If the conversation turns to a topic you dislike, try staying silent instead of forcing yourself to keep the energy up.
Try turning off notifications for someone who exhausts you for just a few hours.

It may be a small action, but it is a big change for your heart.

In the past, I would have immediately matched the other person's pace.
But today, I kept a little bit of my own pace.

That experience builds trust with yourself.

People who struggle to maintain relationships are often exhausted not only by their relationships with others but also by their relationship with themselves.

You keep ignoring your own feelings.
You endure things even when you don't want to.
You pretend to be fine even when you are tired.

When you do that, you stop being able to trust yourself.

That is why you should start being on your own side, little by little.

Don't push yourself today.
Don't reply immediately today.
Try saying no today.
Try putting just one of your feelings into words today.

Even just doing that will start to change your patterns.

What is necessary to maintain relationships is not to keep conforming to the other person.

It is to gradually cultivate the sense of interacting with others without erasing yourself.

Taking the next step to rethink your recurring relationship patterns

Looking at the reasons why relationships don't last can sometimes be a little painful. However, this is not a time to blame yourself, but a time to make future relationships a little easier. In this chapter, we will think about how you can take the next step after noticing your current patterns.

If you have noticed your current patterns and feel like organizing them

Having read this far, you might have found something that resonates with you.

You conform too much because you don't want to be disliked.
You want to get closer, but you get scared and build a wall.
You feel guilty after saying no.
You get anxious just because you don't get a reply.
Every time a relationship ends, you blame your own personality.

Noticing such patterns can sometimes be a little painful.

That is because it feels like you have seen a side of yourself you didn't want to see.

But noticing is not a bad thing.

It means that what you were repeating unconsciously has finally taken a visible form.

Once you can see things, you can gradually learn to handle them.

You don't have to change right away.
You don't have to understand everything perfectly.
Just knowing, 'I tend to struggle in situations like this,' is enough.

Even just that might help you pause before blaming yourself in your next relationship.

When you think, 'It might be the same thing again,'

'This might not be a personality flaw, but just my usual reaction'

you might be able to think that.

That single breath is the beginning of changing your pattern.

If you know you're not alone and your sense of loneliness eases a little

The struggle of relationships not lasting is very lonely.

This is because it is quite difficult to talk to people about it.

'The relationship ended again'
'I can't keep friends'
'I'm afraid of getting close to people'
'I want to connect, but I keep my distance'

Such honest feelings are not easy to talk about.

That is why you end up thinking that you are the only one who is strange.

But there are other people who are struggling in the same way.

Someone who laughs normally in front of others might be having a self-reflection session alone on the way home.
Someone who looks like they are having fun on social media might actually be harboring anxiety about relationships not lasting.
The more someone acts cheerful, the more they may have a loneliness they cannot tell anyone about.

The loneliness you are feeling is not particularly strange.

It is precisely because you want to connect with people that it is painful when things don't last.
It is precisely because you want to cherish them that you are afraid of the end.
It is precisely because you don't want to be disliked that you suppress yourself and get exhausted.

Those movements of the heart are very human.

Knowing that you are not alone does not mean the problem will be solved immediately.

But the hard loneliness that was deep in your chest may loosen just a little bit.

If you would like to deepen your self-understanding

The reason why relationships don't last cannot be explained in a single word.

Personality.
Compatibility.
Past experiences.
The fear of being disliked.
Habits regarding personal space.
Reactions acquired to protect yourself.

Various factors overlap to create your current patterns.

That is precisely why you don't need to rush to change them.

Rather, you need time to observe them slowly.

What kind of people make you feel exhausted?
In what situations do you hide your true feelings?
What kind of words are you easily hurt by?
What kind of distance makes you feel secure?
What kind of relationship do you truly desire?

Putting such questions into words, little by little.

That is self-understanding.

Self-understanding is not about analyzing and blaming yourself.

It is about gradually coming to understand what is happening within you.

"So that's why it was painful."
"So that's why I was afraid to continue."
"So that's why I was forcing myself to fit in."

When you realize these things, the way you approach relationships will change a little.

To you, who feels lost in the repetition of your current relationships: by carefully re-examining your own patterns, your heart may become a little lighter. If you would like to understand your own emotions and behavioral habits a bit more, please try some self-understanding exercises. You should be able to find hints to move forward at your own pace, without pushing yourself.