How to Organize the Conflict of Unrequited Love with a Notebook

The moment I think, "Maybe he's interested," a calm voice echoes, "But it might just be his kindness."
Yesterday at lunchtime.
When he said, "Would you like to go see a movie sometime?" my heart danced.

But when I got home and calmed down, the reality that "he didn't just invite me, but also our colleague Tanaka-san" weighed heavily on me.
Every time I open my smartphone, I end up checking his social media posts.
I hesitate to hit 'like,' and in the end, I close the app without doing anything.
I'm happy the moment I see he's read my message, but when there's no reply, I feel down, thinking, "I guess I was a bother after all."
Why is unrequited love so complex and full of contradictions?

Hope and resignation coexist, and expectation and anxiety keep spinning around.
Even though I think about the same things over and over in my head, I never find an answer.
To organize such confused feelings, today I want to share a method using a notebook.

Why does unrequited love get lost in our heads?

In psychology, this is called "ambivalence." "I like him" and "I want to give up," "I want to get closer" and "I don't want to get hurt" exist at the same time.

Furthermore, unrequited love is a mass of "uncertainty."
In a state where you don't know the other person's feelings, your brain creates various scenarios on its own.
Good scenarios and bad scenarios emerge alternately, causing your emotions to fluctuate wildly.
In addition, the "desire for approval" accelerates the complexity.

The stronger the desire to be acknowledged by the other person, the more you overinterpret small signs or take things too pessimistically.
In other words, it is natural for your head to be confused by unrequited love.
It is precisely because you care about the other person so seriously.

Organizing your heart with a notebook: 4 steps

Step 1: Separate emotions from facts

Open your notebook and divide the page vertically into two. Let's write down "Facts" on the left and "Emotions" on the right.

Examples of facts

- We had lunch together yesterday
- He accepted my invitation to the movie
- LINE replies take an average of 2 hours
- He treats other colleagues the same way

Examples of emotions

- I feel happy because I feel like I'm being treated specially
- I get anxious when replies are slow
- I feel jealous when I see him talking to others
- I get tired from expecting too much

Step 2: Write down both positive and negative sides

Positive side

- The time I spend talking to him is increasing
- We found common topics
- It has become motivation for self-improvement
- I look radiant when I'm in love

Negative side

- I get tired from the emotional ups and downs
- There are times when I can't concentrate on other things
- I'm afraid of expecting things and being betrayed
- He might just see me as a friend

Step 3: Write down multiple future scenarios

Scenario A: If the feelings are mutual

- What kind of relationship do I want to build?
- Things I want to try together
- Values I want to cherish

Scenario B: If we remain friends

- How to enjoy that relationship
- What can be gained
- How to be open to other encounters

Scenario C: When you decide to distance yourself

- How to organize your feelings
- What you learned from this experience
- How to apply this to your next relationship

Step 4: Write a letter to your current self

With the same kindness you would use to advise a best friend, write the words you want to say to your current, struggling self.
"You are doing your best," "Your feelings of caring for the other person are wonderful," "No matter the outcome, your value remains unchanged."

The meaning of "organizing" rather than "erasing" unrequited love

The purpose of this notebook organization method is not to "erase" the unrequited love. It is to "organize" confused emotions and find your own center.

Unrequited love has great value.
The kindness of thinking of someone else, the ambition to improve yourself, and the richness of your capacity to love.
Regardless of whether the love is reciprocated,
these become assets in your life.

A new perspective gained through writing

The act of putting things into words has a mysterious power. When thoughts that were spinning around in your head are fixed on paper, you can view them objectively.

How to continue your unrequited love notebook

This organization method is not something you do just once. As long as your feelings of unrequited love persist, writing regularly will increase its effectiveness.

Cherish your feelings of love

Unrequited love is never something to be ashamed of, nor is it a waste of time.

What words would you like to write on the first page of your unrequited love notebook?