A story about why 'long time no see' is a little scary

When you suddenly run into a friend or classmate from your school days on the street.
There are people who will call out to you, saying, 'Long time no see, how have you been?'
Or, there are people who can naturally call out to others themselves.

I am a little bad at both of those things.
Could you say I am weak against the phrase 'long time no see'?
The awkwardness comes before the nostalgia.

In my school days, I was the kind of person who wouldn't be blamed for being called invisible.
I didn't have many friends, and I mostly spent time with specific people or by myself.
I was what you might call an 'introvert,' 'socially awkward,' and had an HSP temperament, so I wasn't good at entering lively circles.

Perhaps that is why, when I am suddenly called out to now, I don't know how to respond.
If the other person looks like they are living a sparkling life, I sometimes end up comparing myself to them.

■ Episode 1: A reunion I don't want to remember

When I went back to my hometown, a classmate who used to bully me passed by my house with some friends.
Even though I just gave a slight nod, they jokingly said, 'No greeting?', and in the end, they even hurled abuse at me.

That is a memory I would rather not recall.
It is one of the reasons why 'long time no see' has become scary.

■ Episode 2: A reunion where they gathered the courage

Conversely, there was a reunion that warmed my heart.
There was a classmate who called out to me while I was walking, asking, 'Is that you?'

That person said, 'I saw you before but couldn't call out to you. But today, I gathered the courage.'
At those words, I felt as if something deep inside my heart had suddenly loosened.

■ Episode 3: A reunion where I couldn't call out

I have also seen a high school classmate at a restaurant.
They were chatting happily with people who looked like their juniors, and I couldn't find the courage to enter that circle.

When I talked about it at a later reunion, they laughed and said, 'You're so distant, you should have just called out to me.'
I wish I had gathered just a little bit of courage back then.

■ And the me of today

The other day, I saw someone who looked like a friend from junior high at a supermarket near my parents' house.
Although I hesitated about calling out to them, I thought, 'What if it's the wrong person?', 'They look busy,' or 'Maybe this is a past they want to forget,' and in the end, I couldn't call out to them.

Even if I gathered the courage to call out, and even if they remembered me.
It is certain that after we parted ways, a solo reflection meeting where I ask myself, 'Why did I say that?' would begin.

■ Even so, moving forward just a little

Calling out 'long time no see' is an event that lasts only a few seconds.
But that moment only visits at that specific time.

Although I feel some fear, I want to be able to gather a little more courage someday and reach out to others myself.
I want to be the kind of person who can gently offer a smile to anyone.
To that end, I hope to cultivate myself little by little, as if slowly tilling the soil of my own being.