#481 People live while containing a seesaw of 'stability' and 'instability'

I am Fukui, a human resources development manager.

This channel delivers insights related to parenting, human resource development, and management, based on my experience working as a remote manager at an NPO, following 10 years at an educational NPO as a new graduate, and a year of living as a single father with my 6-year-old and 3-year-old children when my wife was transferred for work.

Today, I will be speaking on the theme of People live while containing a seesaw of 'stability' and 'instability'.

October has begun! Exactly one year ago, my wife left home and set off for Tokyo. Writing it like that makes it sound like we got divorced, but she just went away for a job transfer.

I think human senses are amazing; my skin seems to remember the temperature of this season, and I have a feeling of lingering loneliness and anxiety visiting me.

◯ Drastic changes in environment and daily rhythm

I also quit my job right at that time, so it was exactly one year ago that I was in a state of chaos—no job, no wife, and two children to raise on my own. I don't think there has been or will be a time when my surrounding environment changed so drastically.

When the environment changes, daily life changes. I realized after my life changed that people can live with peace of mind when there is a constant daily rhythm, and when that rhythm changes, they suddenly become anxious.

◯ Distance from 'getting into a rut' and my state of mind at the time

When things start to revolve in the same cycle, it becomes a 'rut,' but for me a year ago, a 'rut' was so far away that I couldn't see the future at all, and I remember thinking, 'I wish I could be in a rut.'

Anyway, I was that lonely, anxious, and helpless. But I felt that if I put those words into my mouth, I would lose my strength, so I think I endured it and kept up appearances.

It's not a question of good or bad, but looking back on that time now, you could say I was unable to express my feelings of anxiety and helplessness, and because I didn't express them and instead threw myself recklessly into the housework, parenting, and job hunting in front of me, I was able to bring my single-parent life to a point where it was somewhat of a 'rut' about six months later.

◯ The seesaw of stability and instability

I think this is the interesting thing about humans. When the desire for 'stability' is not met, like I was a year ago, an 'unstable' situation becomes very scary and makes you anxious.

However, six months later, that same single-parent life full of instability became 'stable' for me, and when that happened, I felt a rut and started seeking 'instability,' or wondered if this life would continue for much longer.

It's like a seesaw; when one side is satisfied, the other is not, and vice versa.

If you interpret the phrase 'the grass is always greener on the other side' as a saying born from the fact that people have a seesaw of desires that can feel contradictory and complex, your understanding of it changes significantly.

◯ How to face the 'sudden changes' of others

However, when you look at the actions of others in real life, the balance of that seesaw should be moving every single moment, but since there is no one who is doing the same actions in the same space all the time, you can't keep watching them forever, and sometimes that balance changes drastically all of a sudden.

Especially with the words and actions of others, it is easy to notice the change, and therefore it is easy to become reactive, asking, 'Why did you change so suddenly?' When you become reactive, you tend to focus only on the results of the change, rather than the fact that they were maintaining a delicate balance or that something triggered a major shift to one side.

◯ Look at the 'process,' not the 'result'

However, what is important is 'what happened in the process leading up to that?' and what kind of events were faced, and as a result, what kind of changes occurred within that person? If you can look back on those emotional movements together or follow along with them, you can deepen your understanding.

People are beings that contain contradictory emotions at the same time, and because of that, they are often difficult to understand, but I believe that if you can take an interest in the process of 'what happened?' instead of just being caught up in the events that occurred or the words and actions, it becomes easier to advance your understanding.

With that said, today I delivered this on the theme of 'People live while containing a seesaw of "stability" and "instability"'.

Thank you for staying with me until the end.

I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow as well!

Well then, let's meet again next time.