Asking Jane Su and Awa Ito: "What It Means to Write About Family" #CreativeAward2024
Jane Su is an essayist who has published numerous works. In addition to serving as a radio personality for "Jane Su: Life is Dancing", she is also active as a lyricist.
After reading Awa Ito's note "Dad and Me", which was posted on X (formerly Twitter), Su was moved and shared it, saying, "There is heaven even in the hell of Twitter." Thanks to being shared by Su and many others, "Dad and Me" received a great response and won the Media Works Bunko Award at the Creative Award 2023. This work is also included in Ito's debut book, "The Unbearable Lovableness of Existence".
Su and Ito share the commonality of writing essays about their fathers. In this event, where we invited both of them, we asked about writing about family and advice for those who write essays.
The stubbornness of "No one can hurt me"
When "Dad and Me" went viral
--Awa Ito's "Dad and Me" is a work that chronicles memories of her Senegalese father and an episode where she had a huge fight with him on the street that turned into a police matter. It was posted on note in January 2022, but it gained a huge response after Ito posted it on X on Father's Day in 2023 and it was shared by many people, including Jane Su.
Ito (hereinafter, Ito) When I posted it on X on Father's Day, I wasn't thinking, "I'm going to make this go viral." It became a topic thanks to Su and others sharing it, but when I published the article in 2022, there was no particular reaction, so I think timing and luck also play a part.
"Dad and Me" wasn't written out of any special sense of mission; I just thought I'd write it because I had an interesting episode, so I wrote it on my smartphone in about an hour while soaking in the bathtub and published it right away. I didn't even really proofread it.
Su (hereinafter, Su) Since something written about a father was posted on Father's Day, I read it, and it was a very good piece of writing. I shared it with the energy of, "Everyone, an amazing person has appeared!"
I thought the spring of her writing ability was completely different from other people's. When people write normally, their ego can come out, or they try to make themselves look good, which can sometimes dilute the impression of the content.
Also, if it hasn't gone through proofreading, strange things can appear in the use of Japanese. But Ito's writing had solid Japanese, and even though it was a block of ego, there was no scent between the lines of trying to look smart or wanting to be thought of as a good person. I thought it was amazing that she could have this much self-control.
I could hear the sound of teeth grinding from the writing
--On June 14, your debut work "The Unbearable Lovableness of Existence", which includes "Dad and Me", was published. What kind of book is this?
Ito If I say "It's love," it feels thin, but when I ask Su and others who read it for their impressions, I really can only call it "love."
I'm writing calmly about things like people I can no longer meet... but I don't have a light personality, so I have a desire for the people I can no longer meet to remember me. I wrote the book with the feeling that I want to wave at those people from as high a place as possible.
Also, even for things that people around me might call "misfortune," I don't think so, and there is a kind of obsession that I won't let them call it misfortune.
Su I really understand that. I once said on the radio, "This world is not designed to keep you from getting hurt." However, that and "No one can hurt me" can healthily coexist. Whether or not that happens depends on that person's stubbornness, and I think the only thing that can ultimately knock everything down is the power of love.
That's why when I read Ito's writing, I thought, "There is someone who thinks the same way as me, I'm happy." I felt like I could hear the sound of teeth grinding from the writing. A strong grinding of teeth that says, "I absolutely will not allow my potential to be completely cut off by problems in the social system, discrimination, or my parents' environment."
Ito It's a stubbornness like, "Don't think you can make me unhappy with things like that; I'm going to live happily." I myself am not at all in the mindset of "Let's do my best to live brightly today," but thankfully, the people around me are all people who see me as an individual rather than by my attributes, so my life naturally flows that way.
What are the hurdles to writing about family?
Is it easier to write about a problematic family?
──Su-san, you also wrote about your father in "Living, Dying, and My Father", which was also adapted into a drama. In the book, you wrote, "There is a reason I decided to write about my father. It's because I know nothing about him." There are many things we don't know even about our own family, and I think there is also a risk of hurting them by writing about them and releasing it to the world.
Su I lost my mother early on, and I only knew her as a "mother." I regret that I couldn't hear about her life from her own mouth. Because of that, I wanted to see my father as an individual person; I wanted to know his three-dimensional image. So, in exchange for paying the full rent for the house he wanted to live in, I listened to his stories and wrote the book. However, my father hasn't read my book, and he hasn't watched the drama either. So, no matter what I write, I don't get any complaints.
Ito I didn't think that much about "writing about family." I wrote with the feeling that only those within the family can write about their own kin. But it's not like I was writing with the feeling of saying "It's tough, isn't it?" or "Come here, everyone" to people who are suffering from similar hardships with their families. I don't think my father has noticed that I published a book. My family, in general, doesn't seem interested in me (laughs).
──When writing about family, should you get permission from the person you are writing about in advance?
Su I think it's a case-by-case basis. It might be easier to write about a family whose relationships have broken down to some extent. I feel that in a home where communication isn't functioning properly, unlike a healthy family, the kind of flow where someone says, "I can't believe you wrote this about me (crying)," doesn't happen.
Ito My family doesn't even have positive conversations, so it feels like I can conversely write about positive things.
Su That happens too, doesn't it? I think it depends on the distance you have with your family. What I find interesting right now is the essays by Riko Murai. She writes a lot about her family, including the care of her parents-in-law, but it's very energetic, and you can tell that she has no choice but to write, that she just has to write. If you are going to write about your personal life, I don't think you'll have trouble writing if there has been some change in your family.
What about consideration for the reader when writing on sensitive themes?
──When writing about family, I think that if you write the truth exactly as it is, it can be too raw, or conversely, if you write it too modestly, it can become too sugar-coated. How do you land on a conclusion?
Ito Isn't it only money and crime that are too raw if written exactly as they are? I think domestic fights are relatively okay to write about as they are, but what do you think?
Su I think it's up to the reader to decide whether it's raw or not. When it comes to publishing in a commercial magazine, you might be told to "make it a bit milder," but I haven't had that happen yet. So, I think you should try publishing it without worrying too much.
──When writing about sensitive themes like family, I think consideration for the reader becomes necessary, but is there anything you are careful about for the sake of the reader?
Su It's more about consideration for the people involved rather than the readers... When I write about my father, several people appear who are not family but have had intense relationships with me for many years. I write about the sensitive parts in a blurred way because I don't want to end up in court or anything like that.
Ito I don't know if it's consideration for the readers, but when I have someone appear, I try not to let them end up as a villain. I try to sprinkle their inhuman parts and their lovable parts here and there.
Su That might be my own pride rather than consideration for writing. It's hard to share with others that humans are multifaceted, isn't it? Everyone is very quick to judge good and evil. But I don't think that sense of speed is correct. Good people sometimes take the worst actions, and vice versa. It's like the feelings toward others don't land comfortably in one place, and you feel unsettled.
Ito I think there are more people who can't stand that kind of unsettled feeling. Looking at X and such recently, I think, "What has happened to everyone?"
Su I think there were always many people like that, but they have become visible on social media.
Things to keep in mind when writing essays
It is important to observe the intensity of the times
──Could you tell us what you value when writing essays, not just about family?
Su I try to observe the intensity of the times. My best-selling book is 'The Problem of How Long You Intend to Stay a Girl,' but I couldn't use that title today. It would be canceled in a second. But back then, even if someone said, 'How long do you intend to stay a girl?', the readers had the strength to eventually bounce back with, 'Haha, but I am a girl!' I believe that being able to read between the lines when something is said paradoxically is not a skill, but a sign of emotional capacity. When I published the book in 2014, people had that capacity, so that title worked, but that's not the case anymore. That's why I decided to write as gently as possible for 'Good Job, Me Today,' which I published in 2022.
What I try to avoid is attacking things that don't go my way from a victim's stance. If you go there, it's a dead end, and you run out of things to write about. Also, I make it a point not to reach conclusions too easily.
Ito I think that to be a massive hit in this day and age, you have to write about sensitive topics or things that make some people furious. So, I think having a strong will that isn't defeated by buzz is important. I believe it's crucial to write your own unique prose with the intention of writing something genuinely good.
Also, I try not to use overly dramatic expressions. I often say things like 'the end of the world' in conversation, but if I write it frequently, it becomes a cliché. Furthermore, I don't write to be relatable. I write while holding onto the stubborn belief that 'only I can understand this feeling' until the very end. Strangely enough, that is when people who can relate to it appear.
The residue left after continuing to do what you love is the prose that only you can write
──You mentioned not being defeated by buzz, but I think you still need someone to discover you in the first place. Are there any techniques for getting discovered online?
Su If you stack up catchy taglines, it becomes easier to be discovered online, but I don't think there will be a next time. Things written using techniques are relatively easy to spot. It is more important to keep writing. However, I think you should be conscious of whether you are presenting it in a way that is kind to others, whether it has become self-indulgent, and whether you are writing with the stance of reading it aloud in front of people.
Ito I pay attention to rhythm when I write. I am conscious of writing prose that feels good when read aloud. It's like having a hum in my head, and I fit words into that. I've been involved in music for nearly 10 years—shamisen, choir, and wind orchestra—and hip-hop is always playing at home, so the power of music is significant. I think things you've done since you were young are bound to be useful for your writing in some way. I believe the residue left after continuing to do what you love is the prose that only you can write.
Su That's exactly right. I think the important thing is how honestly you can write that.
Q&A
——From here on, we will answer questions from the viewers.
When writing an essay, how do you deal with self-consciousness, such as feeling embarrassed about having certain thoughts?
Ito I am a person who doesn't know what shame is. That's why I think I can write essays. It may be a matter of personality, but if you keep writing and exposing yourself, you might get used to it.
Su Why not just write about the fact that 'I am a person who has the self-consciousness of wanting to be seen in a certain way'? Just like writing about family, I think this is a profession that is basically only suited for people with a penchant for self-exposure.
——When reading your writing, it feels like punchlines (catchphrases, memorable sentences) pop out. How do those punchlines come to your mind?
Ito I don't think it happens while I'm writing. They come to me in moments like when I'm just walking or crying on the train home. Sometimes I do write with a punchline as the center. If a punchline comes to mind, I might place it in the middle and build the parts before and after it.
Su For me, they often appear while I'm writing. However, if you want to work on your writing, I don't think there's much point in mastering how to write clever punchlines. Because you will inevitably end up just following in someone else's footsteps. Everyone definitely has something they excel at more than others, so I feel it's more efficient to find and cultivate that.
——When I write about my family, my emotions get stirred up and I can't make progress. I'd like to know how you handle such times—do you keep writing as is, or do you set it aside until you've reached a conclusion?
Ito: I don't reach a conclusion. I write while I'm emotionally stirred and crying. I feel that the more painful it is, the better the work I can produce.
Su When my emotions are stirred or I'm so angry I could scream, I write it down just like that. But when I read it later, it's boring. It reads like, 'Wow, how selfish!' But I always write to the end. I feel like I read it the next day and refine the text then.
──Thank you. Finally, could you both share a message for our viewers?
Su I want to say 'thank you' to everyone who has been reading and supporting Ito-san's note. You really never know what will happen, so if you want to work as a writer, I think continuing is the most important thing of all.
Ito I started note on a whim when it was popular, and I was only posting maybe once every four months. I'm not someone who has worked hard with the firm intention of becoming a writer, so I am grateful that there is a platform that gives someone like me such an opportunity. So many people came today, and some even held my book while listening, which feels truly unbelievable. Thank you so much.
(Titles omitted)
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Guest Profiles
Jane Su
Born in Tokyo, Japan, in 1973. She is the main personality for the TBS Radio program 'Jane Su: Seikatsu wa Odoru' and won both the 'Best Personality Award' and 'Listeners' Choice' for 'Jane Su and Mika Horii's OVER THE SUN.' She received the 31st Kodansha Essay Award for 'Kisama Itsumade Joshi de Iru Tsumori da Mondai' (Gentosha). In 2021, her work 'Ikiru toka Shinu toka Chichioya toka' was also adapted into a television drama. As of May 2024, she has numerous serials and books in publications such as the Mainichi Shimbun, AERA, and Fujin Koron.
Awa Ito
Writer. Born in Yokohama in 1996. Graduated from Gakushuin University, Faculty of Letters, Department of French Studies. Her piece 'Papa to Watashi' (Dad and Me) posted on note caught the attention of Jane Su and Shigesato Itoi on X (formerly Twitter), gaining significant notice. She writes for various media outlets.
note: https://note.com/awaito
X: https://x.com/LapaixdAsie
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text by Toshie Watanabe