What you realize when raising children: spouses are ultimately strangers. Differences that arise precisely because you care about your child

I am shiro, a full-time housewife who quit her job last year to focus on raising my child.

When my son turned four, I gave him a Strider as a birthday present to transition him from the bicycle with training wheels 🚲 he had been using.

He had occasionally ridden bikes with training wheels at the traffic park, and he really loved his Strider and rode it often, so I thought the transition would be a breeze 😝

However, when I actually put him on the new bike, although his feet didn't quite reach the ground firmly (it was a bit too big), he was scared and wouldn't really ride it 😢

Because my husband and I had different ways of handling it when my son hit a wall with something, I realized something about parenting, so I'm writing this note 🖋

■ The gap in parenting with my husband

The bicycle with training wheels that my son was too scared to ride. My son has always been the cautious type when it comes to new challenges. My view was that rather than forcing him when he was too scared, it would be better to let him


develop a longing for the bike and practice when he felt the desire to try it himself! I want to do it!—that there was no need to rush.

My husband, on the other hand, seemed to want him to practice properly even if he didn't want to, so he could improve quickly and experience the sense of achievement and fun, so he kept putting our scared son on the bike. (My son would reluctantly straddle it, though 😂)

Since my son would come to me crying, saying "Mommy," I felt like I might blurt out, "
If you don't want to do it anymore, isn't it okay to stop here for today?," but I felt that
he would just rely on me if I were there, so I went back inside the house and decided to watch from a place where he couldn't see me.

Then, a month later, after lessons with his father (which only amounted to about two or three times), my son was able to ride the (training-wheeled) bike smoothly 😂. And he even had a smug look on his face as he rode along 🚲🤣

The practice fostered between father and son—is there something special about it? Like a bond between men? I don't know what kind of practice they did, but seeing

my son riding the bike with such confidence, I vaguely wondered if my thought at the time that "it's okay not to do it" was, after all, too soft.

I feel like if I had said, "Isn't that enough?," he wouldn't have been able to ride it this quickly.

My husband has practiced Kendo since he was in elementary school and has kept it up ever since. I understood from the time we met that he was a
stoic person, and he works hard with that same attitude, which is something I love about him and why I married him, but when it comes to our son, my maternal instincts kick in too 😂 (my husband often tells me I'm overprotective, haha). This time, I felt that

my husband's intuition and trusting in my son's potential and letting him try are also important. Well, there was a possibility it wouldn't have worked out and he would have ended up hating the bike, though 😏

■ It's difficult to know how to talk to children.

By the time they are four, they understand many things, and since they are no longer babies, it seems it's not good to just say "Wow, that's great, you're so good, you did it!" for everything 😳

In modern times, 'praise-based parenting' is recommended, but many recent parenting books state that '
just praising isn't enough🙅‍♀️.

Like praising the process, or praising more specifically.

I don't know if it's because of the way I talk to him, but my son doesn't really
try things that might lead to failure. He doesn't get involved.

He takes on challenges for things he thinks he can do.

In short, he seems to have a pride at four years old where he wants those around him to think he is '

cool' and doesn't want to be seen looking uncool.

Could this be because I praised him too casually, leading to a decline in his spirit of challenge😫? I find myself looking back and wondering if my parenting has been okay🥹. I've been reading various parenting books, and while overthinking isn't good, it still bothers me.

This book also contains various things about how to talk to children.
I read it once, but I have been
rereading it again recently.

Adjusting how you talk to your child based on their age is difficult!!
But I'd rather know than not know, and I want a variety of ways to talk to him, so I am rereading it.

■ How to learn reading and writing

My son is a four-year-old in his first year of kindergarten.

As for his progress in learning hiragana, it's slow, but he can
read one character at a time. He can
write his full name, and there are some hiragana characters he can write to an extent.

✒︎ Our family's learning method

There are many different ideas about how to teach young children, aren't there?

In early childhood, you should let them get absorbed in playing!
In early childhood, you should establish study habits!
80% of the brain is completed by age 3!
No, it's by age 6, so there's still time!

And so on, there is enough information to make your head spin...

In early childhood, the one who makes the choices is, after all, the parent, isn't it😉

Our family has been attending Shichida Method classes since he was a 9-month-old baby, and we started Shichida Method Print A from age 3.

Our family's learning method doesn't have any particular rules, but we are proceeding according to the Shichida Method approach. (Since I don't really know the guidelines for what he should be able to do at this age, I rely on the professionals.)

While many of his friends in the same class, who are also in their first year of kindergarten, have already moved on to Print B, my son is at the point where he has only a few sheets left to finish A... This is because it took time to establish a habit of doing the prints (or rather, I, as a parent, didn't have enough resolve🙏), and we had just reached the point where

doing 3 sheets a day became a habit and we were moving along smoothly.

✒︎ Something wrong with my son?!

Just as we were getting close to the end of A, I started to get a little concerned about my son's motivation for the prints.

He suddenly started fussing🥺

I'm sure there are many factors.
Even though he used to do his worksheets on his own initiative, he has suddenly started struggling.

Perhaps, as he nears the end of worksheet A, it is becoming difficult for my son right now. That's what it is.

I had heard from his teacher that there are always times when worksheets go smoothly and times when you struggle. I try to

get myself in the right frame of mind to work on them with him so that he doesn't feel stressed, but since we do the worksheets in the morning, I end up getting frustrated when it takes a long time, and if I'm by his side like that, there's a high possibility he'll end up hating the worksheets😱

In this state, he can't move on to the more difficult level B...

✒︎What is the best learning method for my son right now?

So, I decided to have him repeat worksheet A✊ (after consulting with his teacher). While everyone else is moving on to B, making my son do A again is a decision that makes me feel a bit hesitant as a parent💦, but there's no point in forcing him, and I don't want him to think of learning as painful. Worksheets are



tools to make learning a fun habit, so I decided to do another round of worksheet A so that we can enjoy learning together as parent and child!

Worksheets cost a fair amount of money, so when I explained it to my husband to get his understanding, he gave me the OK right away🥹

✒︎I was shocked by my husband's suggestion for an additional learning method💦

He works on the worksheets for about 15 to 20 minutes in the morning before going to kindergarten.

In the morning, I'm busy with preparations and such, so my husband, who basically works from home, often works on the worksheets with our son during that morning time.

At those times, I hear his voice saying,
Okay, let's try reading the problem. When I work on them with him,

I used to read them for him. Because I think solving the problem is more important. I had heard that he could start reading the problems himself from worksheet B, so when I told my husband, Isn't it too early to make him read the problems? Won't it just take him longer to read and cause him stress?

, he replied, He can read hiragana pretty well, and I think it's fine if we read the problems together
.

My son was also groaning while working on the worksheets, so I was a little worried.

But...

After reading the problems together a few times,
he's becoming able to read them on his own😅 Although he's not reading fluently yet, my son seems to

realize that he has become able to read (it's giving him confidence). We still read together sometimes, but it would be great if he could get used to reading the problems as well.

If he goes back to worksheet A, it should be quite easy, so he should gain some confidence. And if he develops the
habit of reading the problems, maybe things will go more smoothly than they are now by the time he moves on to worksheet B? I've been thinking🤔

I wouldn't have even thought about it if my husband hadn't said it.

■ Is the balance maintained because my husband and I have different ways of thinking?

My husband's slightly stoic approach to parenting and my slightly overprotective approach to parenting.

There is no single right way to raise a child, but I want my son to have both a strong heart and a heart that values himself. While making the most of

my son's individuality and interests, I think that by combining my husband's and my parenting styles, we can create a parenting style that is uniquely ours ☺️

Lastly...

Parenting is diverse. While accepting my husband's ideas, as he puts our son first, I also want to clearly communicate my own thoughts.

And, I would like to continue supporting my son so that when he grows up, he can have his own firm opinions and make his own choices ✨

Thank you for reading until the end ♪