Us, Who Are Bad at Relying on Others ⑩ (Conclusion) | Bringing Mom Home, and the True "Bond" We Found
Hello everyone. It's Yururun😊
This series, which we have delivered over 10 parts, is
finally the true finale🎊
Healing the "spoiled child" inside me chibiyuru,
drawing boundaries, and the peaceful days I finally obtained.
However,
What awaited us was
the greatest trial as a family.
Today is a story about
my sister and I becoming one for the first time
and the rebirth of our family at the brink of our mother's life.
(It's 3800 characters, a bit long...😅
I would be happy if you could stick with me)
📞 My sister's heartbreaking voice and the invisible fear
It was during the COVID-19 pandemic,
during Golden Week in May.
A sudden... heartbreaking phone call
from my sister: "Mom's leg is swollen abnormally! It's not normal!"
Come to think of it, for about two weeks,
I had also heard from Mom that her leg hurt.
Living far away, it was my daily routine to talk to Mom
on the phone around 5 AM every morning.
▼ Here is an article I wrote in the past👇
At the time, it had been 12 years since Mom started dialysis three times a week.
"Please make sure they check it properly at that clinic too"
I had told both her and the family that.
I should have noticed the change,
but I felt the frustration of not being able to be by her side.
And then, my sister's heartbreaking phone call.
Unfortunately, it was right in the middle of GW.
Mom, who was requiring nursing care level 2 at the time,
since she first collapsed. 18 years.
During that time, she
repeatedly went in and out of the hospital due to cerebral infarction, fractures, etc., and furthermore,
days of going to dialysis
In the end, she was transported to the hospital where she had her first surgery.
"We found out the blood clot had reached her lungs,
and Mom was admitted to the hospital in an emergency," I was informed.
The family who accompanied her
were sent home on the spot,
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, no visits were allowed at all.
The only way to know how Mom was doing was only through phone calls from the hospital.
Since my younger brother was in charge of being the point of contact with the hospital,
I could only know the situation through hearsay.
With no way for me to go and see how she was doing,
from that day on, shocking news arrived one after another.
“Bleeding was observed, so an IV drip to dissolve the blood clot is no longer possible”
→ What if it gets blocked again? ...
“The shunt became blocked during dialysis.”
We handled it with emergency surgery from the left collarbone”
→ During dialysis?
→ Surgery?
→ The shunt is blocked. So, what happens from now on?
“At a later date, we will perform surgery to insert an indwelling catheter on the right side”
→ An in...dwelling catheter?
“We accidentally injured her lung during the indwelling catheter surgery. Once she stabilizes, we will perform surgery for the pneumothorax
”→ Her lung too?
Unfamiliar medical terms,
even when I heard them over the phone,
(Huh? ... What? ... That is?)
Things I didn't understand
fueled my anxiety even more...
And the silence that made me sense the 'worst-case scenario'
Right now, I wonder how much pain Mom is in...
With nothing I could do,
the time spent just waiting for the phone to ring,
was a lonely battle,
where my heart was shaken violently.
🤝 Fighting together with my sister, 'Let's bring her home'
Even as her condition changed daily,
about a month later,
when her condition had stabilized a little,
the hospital brought up the topic of 'transferring hospitals'.
Before being hospitalized, Mom was Care Level 2.
Now, she was almost Care Level 5 and bedridden.
Moreover, her dialysis was via an indwelling catheter.
Unlike a standard shunt, it seems hygiene management is also difficult.
Since she requires 24-hour nursing care,
the hospital's judgment was that home care is impossible.
I could only hear about the situation over the phone,
and even when I looked it up online, I didn't really understand,
and my anxiety grew even larger...
My father and younger brother's reaction was, 'If the hospital says so...' but,
my sister and I were different.
Mom is someone who can get better by
being with her family 😊
Having watched her numerous hospitalizations up close,
we had a conviction gained from experience 🌸
Being tied to a hospital bed just to 'stay alive'
is not what Mom truly wants.
I'm sure she'll weaken quickly.
Even until now,by being near her family,
Mom has made numerous miraculous recoveries🌸
But this timeof all times...
perhaps there will be no recovery.
If so, then all the more
rather than a hospital,
“I want to let her spend her final moments in her own bed at home”
When I wished for that so strongly,
the hearts of
my sister and me,who had been clashing for decades,
aligned perfectlyfor the first time.
“I’ve persuaded Dad and the others.
The rest is up to you, please🙏 Stop them from talking to the hospital!
I can't talk to the hospital well myself”
I called the regional medical coordinator at the hospital and desperately conveyed the history so far,
our family’s feelings,
and our resolve.
And then,
the speciallypermitted visitsand
video callsto speak to Mom
became a reality!
However, the attending physician strongly recommended a transfer,
and the talk of transfer wouldn't easily be overturned.
But
after seeing Mom become more alert after our visitsand confirming her condition,
with the help of the regional medical coordinator,
the discussion finally moved toward discharge.
At this moment, my sister shed tears for the first time and said,
“Thank you so much”🌸🌸
“Things I couldn't do myself✨
🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
“Thank you so much for sharing the same feelings, being persistent, and speaking properly to the hospital for me
”
She said that to me.
It was an unforgettable moment
when she acknowledged me as“the only family member I can trust
”.
It was an unforgettable moment.
🎥 The moment our hearts became one in front of the Buddhist altar
Once the rehabilitation for her discharge was planned,
my mother began to recover steadily.
However, the discharge itself carried risks.
The day of the discharge.
She was certified as requiring long-term care level 5, with a dialysis catheter in her collarbone.
She wore a corset for a compression fracture from her waist to her chest.
Although she could barely sit in a wheelchair,
“anything could happen during transport”
was what we were told, making it a tightrope walk of a journey home.
Please, God.
Please let us make it home safely.
Every time the car shook from the vibrations,
I was on edge...
When I saw our house coming into view,
my eyes welled up with tears.
Oh, thank you.
Just a little further, please.
Until we get inside the house.
As soon as the car arrived in front of the entrance,
I went into my parents' house a step ahead
and got the camera ready.
I wanted to
capture the moment my mother in her wheelchair
entered the house✨✨
My younger brother pushed the wheelchair,
and my father and younger sister looked down at
my mother from both sides with smiles.
“We’re here. We’re home.”✨✨🍀🍀
The four of them entered.
“Welcome home.”♥️♥️🍀🍀
As I called out to them,
with my lens fogging up from my tears,
I desperately kept filming📹
And then,
when the whole family
went to the Buddhist altar to put their hands together in prayer,
watching that scene through the lens, I was convinced.
🌸🌸🌸"Ah, finally, our family has become one" and 🌸🌸🌸
That was the beginning of
two yearsofhome care.
It was by no means just a beautiful story.
24-hoursupport for Mom involved many family conflicts and struggles we wanted to look away from.
But, after those messy yet precious
two turbulent yearswe are who we are today.
🍀 To "you" who are trying too hard
Thekey personin home care was myyounger sister. She gave her all until she reached her limit.
I believe that through this final care, she was able to fulfill the "relying on others" she couldn't do when she was young.
However, during that time,
there were many moments of conflict involving not only our family but also the caregivers who helped us.
There were many moments of conflict. I have something I want to tell everyone who is working hard right now with caregiving or family issues.
"First of all, please take care of yourself"
If you collapse, you won't be able to protect what you want to protect.
"Because we are family, we must do this"
—true kindness cannot be born from suchunreasonable sense of responsibility.
True kindness cannot be born from such.
"I want to do it for her, but there are many things I can't do"
"If only I could do this for her..."
You may be crushed by the reality that cannot be fulfilled.
But
✨Do what you can, when you can✨
That is enough.
When people are cornered,
they may become unable to make sound judgments.
If we don't carry everything alone, and those around us can acknowledge each other by saying,
You're going through so much pain right now, aren't you? then a path forward will surely open up
for us.
🕊️ At the End of the Journey
🎶 With Music
For the conclusion of this series, this song is truly fitting.
The first song I ever created on SUNO.
This story, which began with my own inability to rely on others,
comes to a close here for now.
My sister and I, who were once so clumsy.
While writing this "We Who Are Bad at Relying on Others" series,
I became convinced of something✨✨
By forgiving the "little dependent child" within myself and being able to think, "
I'm OK," I was finally able to acknowledge others as well, thinking, "
You're OK
."
Now, my sister is
using her experience of seeing our mother through to the end as fuel,
and in a way only she can,
she has begun to set a
major project in motion for those who are suffering.
She possesses sensibilities and abilities completely different from my own.
She wants to
use what she learned in the world of art to
be a source of salvation for someone—
Watching her like that, I have come to
truly be proud of my sister
(though she can be a little scary sometimes...🤣)
and
feel that way about her.
Seeing her like that,
it seems my father has also changed his perspective
on her.
"I always thought of you as a child, but when I think about it, you're doing something truly impressive."
✨✨
And so, our family is
in the process of rebuilding
our relationship anew.
I am sure that Mom, who is in heaven now, is also
smiling
as she watches over us.
Through this story
I have come to cherish the fact that I was
bad at relying on others.
Whoever you are, you are enough just as you are.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Your own story
The one and only story
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Please, hold it close to your heart.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you so much
for walking this long journey with me.
Truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
(End)
The next journey is still a little further ahead.
It will chronicle those two turbulent years:
'Home Care Edition (Tentative)'
My feelings are overflowing,
and I need time to organize them.
But I do hope to share it with you.
In the face of life and death,
how did our family clash,
and how did we forgive each other?
As a case study of one family...
I would be happy if you would join me
on a new journey again.
Until then, someday...🍀🍀🍀
Thank you so very much!