The 5 meanings of "Sumimasen". The Japanese word that confuses foreigners the most

When I first started learning Japanese, there was one word that confused me the most.

"Sumimasen".

When I first learned it, I thought it meant "I'm sorry." A word for apologizing. That was all. But when I actually started living in Japan, it was nothing like that.

There are at least five ways to use "sumimasen" that I've discovered over 16 years.

• First, apology. This is just like the textbook says. "Sumimasen for being late."

• Second, gratitude. I didn't understand this at first. When someone does something for you, you say "sumimasen." Not thank you, but sumimasen. You apologize even though you haven't done anything wrong. Why? I wondered.

• Third, calling out. When calling a clerk in a store. "Sumimaseeen." This isn't an apology. It's just to get their attention.

• Fourth, a preface to a request. "Sumimasen, do you have a moment?" A cushion before asking for a favor.

• Fifth, when passing by someone. When you're about to bump shoulders in a crowd. "Sumimasen." This is also close to an apology, but lighter. It's like a lubricant.

The same word changes its meaning this much depending on the situation. And native speakers don't think about which one to use in which situation every time. They switch automatically.

And there's one more thing that I was confused about for a long time: the difference between "sumimasen" and "gomennasai."

When I first came to Japan, I was in a club activity. Once, when a senior member scolded me for something, I kept repeating "gomennasai."
I thought that if you were going to apologize, "gomennasai" was the most proper way to do it. I thought this was the correct answer in terms of the degree of apology.

But the senior's reaction was somehow subtle. And then I was told,
"In that situation, it's not 'gomennasai,' it's 'sumimasen.'"

At first, it didn't click.
They are both words for apologizing, so what's the difference, I wondered.

But as I lived here, I gradually began to understand. "Gomennasai" is surprisingly casual, and it's a word used for quite private, close people. Like family, lovers, or close friends. "Sumimasen" is more appropriate for superiors or in formal situations.

It wasn't a question of the "strength" of the apology, but a question of the "distance" from the other person. I was quite surprised when I realized this. I had always assumed that "gomennasai" was more polite.

Even though it's the same "apology," you change the word depending on your distance from the other person. This was also something that wasn't in the textbooks.

It probably took me years to be able to naturally use these five meanings and distinguish between them and "gomennasai." Textbooks only say "sumimasen = gomennasai." But the actual "sumimasen" was a word that contained the very atmosphere of Japanese society.

Now, I use it without thinking too. "Sumimasen" even comes out when I'm expressing gratitude. Even though it felt so strange at first.

It might be the most confusing Japanese word for foreigners, but once you master it, it might be the most "Japanese-like" word.