#31 The moment you think 'I must do this,' who is the subject of your actions?
Yesterday, I wrote about the question of
what kind of words we listen to ourselves say
in our daily lives.
Today, I would like to think about
one expression among those words
that brought a very significant realization to me personally.
'I must do this.'
We use this phrase
with surprising naturalness.
At work, at home,
and even toward ourselves.
'I must reply quickly.'
'I must produce results.'
'I must meet expectations.'
In other words,
we might be spending our days
almost unconsciously showering ourselves
with these words.
However,
at one point, I realized that
the moment I used this phrase,
a certain change was occurring.
'I must do this.'
The moment I thought that,
the subject of the action
was no longer me.
Someone else's expectations.
Someone else's standards.
Someone else's evaluation.
Even if the reason isn't clear,
at the very least, the feeling that
'I am the source'
was fading.
That was the sense of discomfort I felt.
Of course,
it doesn't mean the things that need to be done disappear.
There are schedules,
there are roles,
and there are responsibilities.
However,
the action of 'doing' and the phrase 'I must do this'
are not the same.
I have come to feel that way.
The term 'be proactive'
discussed in The 7 Habits
is often read
as a matter of strength of action or decisiveness.
However,
in my experience, it was, before that,
a matter of how one chooses their words.
With what kind of words
are you moving yourself?
Does that phrase originate from within you?
Or are you entrusting it to something outside of yourself?
The moment I use the phrase "I must do this,"
I try to pause for a moment.
And then,
I re-ask myself.
"Is this truly an action I am choosing?"
"If I were the source, how would I rephrase this?"
Then,
strangely enough, even for the same action,
the feeling behind it can change.
Being proactive does not mean
doing less,
nor does it mean abandoning responsibility.
It means taking your actions
once again
back into your own hands.
I believe the first gateway to that
is "what kind of words you choose."
If,
during your day today,
you notice yourself saying
"I must do this" to yourself.
Please,
try pausing for just a moment.
In that moment,
who has become
the subject of your actions?
You don't have to come up with an answer.
You don't have to try to change anything.
Just,
notice it.
With just that,
the way you see the world
might change ever so slightly.
Tomorrow,
I will intentionally make it a day
where I don't seek an answer.
I will write about a small margin
for returning to daily life
while still holding onto the question.
Today, one small murmur.
May your day have just a little bit of margin.
May today's words
make your steps
just a little more certain.