Managing Anger Well with Self-Compassion

We all experience anger, but how we deal with that emotion varies from person to person. Some people cannot express anger appropriately, leading to aggression, while others suppress it, which can lead to depression. If you can manage anger well, you can also build healthy interpersonal relationships.

To manage anger well, it is important to first understand its essence. Anger is an emotion acquired through the evolutionary process as a natural response to threats. When you feel danger, your sympathetic nervous system is activated, triggering an instinctive fight-or-flight response. In modern society, anger is often caused more by obstacles to achieving goals or interpersonal stress than by physical threats.

Anger itself is not the problem, but if you do not recognize it and cannot express it appropriately, it can lead to problematic behavior. For example, behavior involving aggression, such as road rage, is dangerous. On the other hand, suppressing anger can lead to other problems such as depression or a lack of assertiveness.

So, how can you manage anger well? Here, I will introduce some points that can be learned from a compassion-based approach.

Paul Gilbert, the founder of CFT (Compassion-Focused Therapy), explains the importance of accepting anger compassionately. It is important to look at your emotions with a compassionate heart without being trapped by or ashamed of your anger. If you face your anger with empathy rather than blaming yourself, you should be able to see the reasons and background behind it.

Anger is also a source of energy, and if you release it appropriately, it can become a driving force for action. However, you need to consciously control it so that you can be assertive rather than leading to aggression.

To do this, practicing distancing yourself from your emotions is effective. By not being trapped by anger and being able to calmly re-examine the situation from a third-party perspective, you can see appropriate ways to deal with it.

Everyone has unreasonable thoughts and desires, and anger is born from them. If you forgive your emotions and embrace them with empathy, you can distance yourself from your anger.

Furthermore, CFT includes exercises where you imagine the various "selves" within you and think about the feelings of each. Through these exercises, you can become aware of the pain, fear, and desires at the root of your anger.

In this way, learning how to have a healthy relationship with anger can lead to reduced stress and improved interpersonal relationships. If you can accept and appropriately control your anger rather than eliminating it, you will be able to re-examine situations from a fresh perspective, which should lead to constructive solutions.

However, the problem of anger is not just an individual issue. There is a cultural aspect, especially for men, where they are often expected to "be strong," which makes it difficult to express anger in a healthy way. It is important to be freed from the constraints of traditional "masculinity" and become a person who can express emotions honestly.

Just as with compassion for others, have compassion for yourself; do not be ashamed of your anger, but accept it and make it your ally. From such a perspective, compassion teaches each of us how to manage anger well.

Life is full of stress and conflict, but if you can face anger positively, new possibilities should open up. By maintaining a compassionate heart, you will be able to find a healthy way to deal with anger.

Thank you for reading today as well.