[Buddhist Psychology] When You Lose Confidence: 5 Questions to Regain Self-Affirmation

"I'm just..."
Comparing yourself to others and feeling down.

Thinking that way is by no means a bad thing.

But don't you think what's truly important is "living the life I truly desire"?

This time, I asked Buddha about this theme.

Dialogue with Buddha Coach

Me: "Buddha, I sometimes look at social media and compare myself to others. There are times I wish I could be like that person."

Buddha: "That is a feeling many people have. But what is truly important is 'not becoming someone else,' but 'living the life I truly desire.'"

Me: "The life I truly desire... is it?"

Buddha: "Yes. Having aspirations is wonderful. But if that becomes 'tracing someone else's life,' it will not lead to true satisfaction."

Me: "Then, how can I clarify the life I desire?"

Buddha: "It would be good to ask yourself these questions.

1. What kind of life do I want to live?

2. What kind of things fulfill my heart?

3. What kind of way do I want to work?

4. What kind of people do I want to be with?

5. What would I truly feel happy about achieving?

For example,
• A life of continuing to explore what I love while working freely
• A life of healing people's hearts and spreading useful knowledge
• A life where those around me can also be happy as I grow

"If you can feel from the bottom of your heart that 'this is the ideal life for me!', you will no longer need to compare yourself to others. Because 'living my own path' will become the top priority.""

Insights from Buddhist-style coaching

I, too, used to feel down when comparing myself to others.

"That person is doing so well, yet I am..."

I think everyone feels that way sometimes.

But one day, it suddenly occurred to me.

"In the first place, what kind of life do I want to live?"

Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to the "you of yesterday."

Ever since I realized that, I have become conscious of making small steps forward.

✔ "I made ◯ slides today!"
✔ "I had a new discovery today!"
✔ "I was able to take action, even if just a little, today!"

No matter how small, if you have moved one step further than you were yesterday, that is enough.

If you feel like you are about to compare yourself to someone again, try thinking like this:

✔ "This person is living their own path. I will live my own path."
✔ "What can I learn from this person's success?"
✔ "Seeing this person, what can I do right now?"

Feelings of jealousy or envy might be your heart's way of saying, "I actually want to be like this too!"

If so, rather than using those thoughts as a reason to feel down, I would like to turn them into positive energy by asking, "So, how shall I act?"

Visualizing my future self

Let's take a moment to slowly visualize the "ideal self" that you are currently aiming for.

Three years from now, five years from now, what kind of expression will your ideal self have, and what kind of days will you be living?

✔ Where are you, and what kind of work are you doing?
✔ Who are you with, and what kind of conversations are you having?
✔ What kind of feelings are you spending your days with?

And, to get even one step closer to that "ideal self," why not do one thing you can do today?

Did I get even a little closer to my future self today?

If you can look back on your day like that, that alone is proof that you are moving forward.

There is no need to rush.

What matters is that you are moving forward, one step at a time, at your own pace.

Questions from Buddha

You are living your own life.

✔ Are you comparing yourself to 'the you of yesterday' rather than others?
✔ Do you keep asking yourself, 'What kind of life do I want to live?'
✔ What is one thing you can do today to get closer to your future self?

No matter how small the step, the path you have traveled is surely connected to the future.

Please, move forward while cherishing yourself.

May all living beings be happy.

Brought to you by Nakaeri ☺️

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Thank you for reading until the end!
🕊️ Buddha Psychology Coach Eri Naka

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