Reflecting on the relationship between Tomoko and Yumi in "Tora ni Tsubasa"

Mother and daughter in "Tora ni Tsubasa"

Watching the relationship between Tomoko and her daughter Yumi, which has been unfolding since last week,
there are so many things to reflect on,
so I'm writing a note about it.

1. The position of Yumi, who has started acting like a good girl
2. The position of Tomoko as a single-parent mother

Both perspectives make my heart ache a little.

1. Yumi, who has started acting like a good girl

She is a wonderful mother, isn't she?
To become the first female judge in an era when women's advancement in society was rare,
I cannot even fathom how much hardship Tomoko must have endured...

In front of a mother recognized by society as wonderful,
or perhaps due to the expectations of her mother and those around her,
Yumiacts as a "correct daughter".

I also used to act as a "correct daughter" in front of my mother and father.
Up until a certain point...

Born and raised in a small town in a family of teachers,
my mother was a teacher at the same school for all six years of my elementary school life.

What my mother wanted,
what those around me wanted,
perhaps I sensed those things on my own and anticipated them,
striving to get good grades, be responsible, and not break the rules.

When I reached junior high school and was liberated, I started to rebel extremely (laughs).
With a face and attitude that always seemed defiant,
I began to disappoint those around me.

Watching Yumi in "Tora ni Tsubasa," I felt a kind of aching sense of confinement.

When you cannot show your true self as you are,
you end up either acting as a "correct" version of yourself or rebelling extremely,
losing the option to live naturally.

I realized this mechanism once again as something that applies to me.

However, Yumi had Hanae and her cousins, and she was able to rely on them.
For me, the neighborhood babysitter who took care of me since I was two weeks old was a place where I could be my true self and rely on someone. I am grateful for that.

2. The position of Tomoko as a single-parent mother

Yumi, who has completely started showing a "good girl" face in front of Tomoko.
As for Tomoko,
she is the breadwinner and main earner of the family,
she loves her work,
and she is blessed with good bosses and opportunities like overseas inspections, becoming a person of the moment. I wonder if she is in her mid-30s.

When raising a child alone, first of all,
✔︎ Can I get home on time in the evening?
✔︎ Can I go pick them up? (If it were modern times)
✔︎ Can I prepare dinner?

These are the first hurdles, aren't they?
If you can't do these, you have to rely on someone.
Choosing to rely on someone means you can participate in late-night overtime, business entertainment, and dinners or drinking parties that also serve as work.

In the Showa era, when you are in a position of responsibility, you simply cannot make ends meet with work done only during regular hours... Of course, this applies to the Heisei era as well...

Earning as a breadwinner and being able to spend plenty of time with your child are inversely proportional.

Moving to Niigata together

Tomoko might have been spoiled by having many hands in the family to help. She might have gotten a little carried away.
But still, in a society where women were not recognized as full-fledged professionals, I cannot blame her for that either.

When you decided to go to Niigata
just the two of you, mother and daughter,
I found myself nodding along, saying 'yes, yes, yes.'

Taking responsibility for every day, even if it's chaotic

When I ended up raising my five-year-old son as a single parent,
I struggled with whether to live with my parents and rely on them.

But I know my own sloppy personality well, and I don't dislike my work.
I thought that if I started relying on my mother, I might end up leaving everything regarding my son to her. If that happened,a rift might form between my son and me.

It might be incredibly tough, but I decided that I would live a life where I could take responsibility for every day, even while running around frantically and causing my son some inconvenience...
That was the resolution I made at 35.

That said, I really was taken care of by so many people.
There were times I asked friends or babysitters to pick him up or feed him, and I had my mother help me when I went on business trips.
I feel like I had almost no free time for myself.
He also spent a lot of time alone, and I feel sorry that we weren't the kind of family where I could provide attentive care.


The one thing I promised was
to read two picture books of his choosing before bed.

'The goldfish has escaped—where did it escape to?'
There were many times I would fall asleep while reading to him like that.

He is now a working adult,
and while the chaos and the inner conflict of those days have become a distant memory,
I was able to feel it realistically once again through the morning drama.

My mother, who married into the main family, did her best with housework while also working as a teacher.
Thinking about it now, her hardships were immeasurable.
There are still many problems regarding the difficulty for women to balance child-rearing and work, but the systems have certainly changed since my mother's time.

'Tora ni Tsubasa' is a drama that depicts such subtle movements of the heart with great care.
Beyond just this theme, there are so many points I empathize with, and I'm hooked every day.

I have a feeling that Yumi will start to open up a little next week...
I'm also curious about Ryoko-sama and Tama-chan.
I'm looking forward to it.