[Parenting Essay] When I told my children the words I felt in my heart, rather than following any parenting book

As of March 2024.

My eldest daughter is 12 and will be a middle schooler this year. My second daughter is 8. They can no longer be called mere children. Their minds and bodies are growing rapidly, and naturally, I realize day by day that they are becoming people separate from me.

—Thinking back,

For about 10 years since my eldest daughter was born, there were many things going on besides parenting, and I had almost no time for myself.

I couldn't read books. I tried picking up an old novel, thinking, 'At least 10 minutes a day...', but it wouldn't sink in at all. Still, I wanted to look at printed text. So, what about parenting books? I kept a few nearby, and strangely enough, I managed to read them. I suppose my brain was only capable of functioning in that mode.

And looking back, that was a meaningful time for reading.

I didn't incorporate everything written into my own parenting, but I thought things like, 'It's interesting how the perspective differs depending on the author,' 'This person writes based on scientific data, while this one writes based on their own experience—both are interesting,' and 'But when you get down to it, I feel like they are all saying the same thing.'

It was an interesting experience to compare them with the children right in front of me. Among them, there was one book that brought me a deep understanding that made me want to re-examine my own way of life, starting from the realization and discovery of 'Is that what children are like?'—I want to introduce it in detail someday.

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How to praise children, how to scold effectively, child psychology, how to foster self-esteem.

I thought there were many such things, but,

—But for me, there is always a phrase at the root of my heart that I want to tell my children every day, which has a slightly different direction from the advice in parenting books about how to handle specific actions between parent and child.

That is,

—Mom is happiest when I am with you.

is what it is.

...I don't think it's a phrase that parenting books would recommend as 'You must say this.' Because that is a phrase that wells up from what the parent feels in their heart.

—But, if you are thinking it, you should say it.

Perhaps there are quite a lot of people who find it difficult to express their feelings to others...
but "my feelings"—or "I-messages"—are very important.

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I lost my older sister.

She fell ill, and after going through so much,
she passed away, leaving behind her elementary school-aged child.

She was separated from her child, crying, saying she wanted to see them, wanted to see them,
wanted to hold them... but it was not to be.

And she had so many regrets.

She wondered if she had truly conveyed that she loved them,
and that meeting them was the happiest thing in her life as a mother.

—That is why,


I understand that for a parent facing death, there is nothing they want to do
more than to hold their child.

So, I tell my own children.


No matter how embarrassing it may be, tell them while you still can.

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—I am happiest when I am with you.

—So, let me give you a tight hug, let me smell you, and let me touch your hair.

Sometimes, when I tell you this out of the blue,
you make an indescribably happy face.

You look a little surprised for a moment, a little embarrassed, but
it's as if a sparkle is overflowing from the depths of your body,
that is the kind of face you make.

You make a better face than when I praise you by saying "Amazing" or "Well done,"
and better than when I tell you "You're cute" or "I love you."

That is why I tell you from time to time.


—I am so happy when I am with you.

Of course, to both of you.

If there were three of you, I am sure I would have said it to all three.

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—For that reason, I think I will read through those parenting books again
whenever I feel nostalgic.

However, now that my children are no longer "children" day by day,
perhaps the thing closest to my heart is...
this book.

　ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー
“I watered my rose, I put her under a glass globe, I sheltered her behind a screen. I listened to her complaining, or her boasting, or even sometimes her silence. Because she is my rose.”
　　　ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

――Yes, "The Little Prince."


“My own rose,”
perhaps that is what it all comes down to in the end.

Now, rather than reading it "so that I can raise my children,"
I read it with them from time to time "so that we can grow together."
　

――In any case, books are wonderful.
They are always trying to help me find my heart.

As my children continue to grow out of childhood,
I hope that I can enjoy the process
and be allowed to grow alongside them with many books.

――To my eldest daughter, congratulations on graduating elementary school.

■ Excerpts from my favorite passages in "The Little Prince"

※The version I own is the one mentioned above. "The Little Prince" is published by many publishers in various formats.