[Reading Parenting] How introducing reading before games and videos made parenting easier by letting it sink in naturally

<What 'books first' taught me>

The order in which you encounter things has a huge impact on your life...is something I have always believed.
It is a given that the first emotions a person encounters after being born into this world should be empathy, trust, and love. Creating a secure base in the heart during infancy and then venturing out into the 'outside world' as one grows is a well-known theory of development, and for any knowledge or skill, 'learning from the basics and moving to application'... is the most efficient way. You cannot do math without knowing arithmetic, and without basic physical strength, you will get tired before you can master any sport.

...I really think that is true for everything. For a child raised on miso soup and rice, that is their 'daily meal,' which is why the perception is born that chocolate is a 'treat' and fast food is 'something you eat on holidays or special occasions.'
What you learn first and what things form your foundation become indicators for that person that 'cannot be easily replaced.'
Childhood is especially significant. Or rather, the problem is almost entirely childhood.

...And that brings us to 'reading.'
I want my children to love books. I only recently started thinking that I want children all over Japan to be like that, but while I was giving birth to and raising my own children, I was already full up just with the feeling of wanting to make my own children love books.

Wanting to improve reading comprehension or language skills, or perhaps hoping they might become smart children... those are afterthoughts. I just wanted to convey to my children that 'Books are incredibly fun! They are the best entertainment'.

Books are for reading to become happy. Becoming smart is just a result
...is my personal opinion, but it is also my unwavering belief.

I believe books are one of the best forms of entertainment humanity has ever created.
I especially love novels. I get excited and thrilled by empathizing with the characters, cry from empathy, am astonished by a shocking ending, get ideas like 'I never thought of it that way...', and receive healing or energy to 'try again.' Plus, they are a great way to kill time, and if you love books, you never have to know boredom in your life... that is what is good about them.

Every time I go to a library or bookstore, I feel a slight despair that 'there are still so many books I haven't read,' and I also grin thinking that I could live forever...
There is no entertainment as amazing as this.

<Don't use smartphones for entertainment in front of children>

That was the situation, but since my eldest daughter was born 11 years ago, I spent several years feeling like I was dying from intense night crying and the 'terrible twos,' and after my second daughter was born four years later, I spent my days walking a tightrope while worrying about the differences in the sisters' personalities, and I even forgot that I myself loved books.

However, my 'book-lover's intuition' worked somehow, and even when I wanted them to be quiet while we were out, I did not let my children watch videos or play games on my smartphone.

I felt that this was something I should definitely not do.
Because it becomes an addiction. The younger they are, the more it does. Humans are inherently creatures that are easily addicted. All history and events prove this. You need to be careful with things that are highly stimulating and quick to provide gratification.

I thought it would be sad if games, video viewing, or smartphones became the 'most interesting thing in the world' for my children. With a sleepy head from raising infants, that was the only thing I was always thinking about in some way.

That is why when I, as a parent, took out my smartphone to use it, I limited it to calls or the bare minimum of communication or looking things up, and although I wasn't sure if they understood the meaning, I always told my children, 'Mom is going to look up something about the store now,' just in case. I do not use smartphones for entertainment...that was, to put it a bit stiffly, like my conviction.

<The 'order of entertainment' children learn in life>

It is not a matter of digital devices being bad. Even if I left them alone, children would eventually learn about them someday. But the order is important.

First, build a 'book-lover's drawer' firmly in their hearts and minds. Even if they encounter games or videos after that, it will likely be 'saved under a different name' rather than 'overwritten'. This is because the fun of reading and the fun of games and videos are completely different things. Even if a 'book lover' occasionally gets hooked on a game, the book-lover's drawer does not disappear. That was the case for me personally.

However, what about children? Modern children, in particular, are busy. If they taste 'strongly flavored' or 'highly stimulating' things like games and video viewing from an early age, they might turn away if you say 'reading is fun too' later on.If they taste 'strongly flavored' or 'highly stimulating' things like games and video viewing from an early age, they might turn away if you say 'reading is fun too' later on.

That is why I thought. Reading first. I imagined it in my head.
If there is a pyramid of emotions that humans should aim for, I repeat, the base is 'empathy, trust, and love.' On top of that, various difficulties await in life, but it is better if the base is 'unwavering.'

And when I imagine a pyramid of 'the order of entertainment children learn in life', in infancy, it might be the primitive fun of moving their bodies, followed by toys like blocks or balls, but as they grow a little, it might become picture books, or TV anime or movies (...by the way, I let them watch plenty of TV programs, anime, and movies for children. These have predetermined lengths, making it easy to say 'Okay, that's it for today,' and children themselves easily perceive them as 'things you can only watch at home' and 'things you cannot operate yourself,' so I consider them completely different from games and videos).

—And the 'next' step in entertainment is the problem.
When my eldest daughter was in middle and senior kindergarten (ages 4-5), I had the leeway to see how elementary school students around me were doing and to look at parenting information in various media, so I thought about various things at that time.
'I see, when they become elementary school students, they play games and watch videos as a matter of course...'. I heard that some children are allowed to play games without limits after school or on holidays when they are in the first grade of elementary school.
Also, when I saw the worries of elementary school parents in the media, there were many stories like 'My child doesn't read books at all' or 'They are only interested in watching videos, and even if I scold them, they keep watching...'

I see, if I leave it to nature, children today will go to 'games and videos' instead of 'children's books' after graduating from picture books. Ages 5-6 are also an age where they can easily learn how to handle smartphones and tablets if you teach them a little. Be careful.
This is the time to carry out a full-scale 'book-lover strategy' before they start school...is what I thought. This was when my eldest daughter was 5 and my second daughter was 1.

<Environment and guidance are necessary to go from loving picture books to loving children's books>

I think many parents enthusiastically read picture books to their children during infancy. Every source I look at says reading aloud is important for raising a "book-loving child," and looking back, I've visited many mom friends' homes, and every single one had a considerable number of picture books.
—But, come to think of it, I feel like not many families are as enthusiastic about children's books (novels) as they are about picture books.

Is it, after all, difficult to choose the right books?

In this day and age, some people might think it's impossible to raise a child as if games and videos "don't exist." But, for a "child themselves" in early childhood, it's not inconvenient at all if they don't exist. If they don't know about them, they won't want them, and the influence from friends is still limited. When they come home from kindergarten or nursery school, they are almost exclusively influenced by home life, and they can spend their time at home perfectly well by watching anime or reading books.

I think this period, when they like picture books and can read hiragana themselves, is the perfect timing to transition them into being book lovers (lovers of children's books and novels).

—With that in mind, I took my five-year-old eldest daughter to the library many times.

It's fine to introduce books that adults think are good by saying, "How about this?" but I hoped that the child herself would find "books she finds interesting."
The most important condition for becoming a book lover is to repeat the experience of "I chose it myself and read it, and it was interesting!" It's the realization that sinks into your body: "Wow! This is interesting!" And eventually, it's about "being able to choose books for yourself that you will enjoy" from libraries and bookstores. Even if it's impossible at first, guiding them toward that... was my strategy.

<Treasure time asking, "Which book was interesting?">

At the small library in the neighborhood community center, I would choose 10 books (the maximum number we could borrow) together with my eldest daughter while talking slowly, saying things like, "How about that one?" or "Do you like this kind of thing?" After reading them slowly at home for two weeks, before returning them, I would happily interview her, asking, "Which book was interesting?" and, if possible, have her rank them. That way, the child's preferences would naturally become clear.
This was a treasure-like time where I could see my child's shining heart.

At first, it's fine to stick to books that are an extension of what they've read so far, such as quizzes, mazes, and picture books. But little by little, I would secretly mix in "books that seem like stories my child would like, but... with a bit more text" and watch her reaction. If it seemed like she could read them, I would say, "You seem to like this adventure book," or "Do you like stories with animals in them?" and borrow them for her again.

When I heard her feedback, such as, "The girl in this story is cute, but the ending was a little scary..." I would learn that "scary developments are still not okay for her," and by talking a lot through books, I could see "the genres and trends of books my child likes."

I tried as much as possible not to say, "This is interesting, so try reading it." That is just my opinion, after all.
I often said, "Let me know later if you find this book interesting."

<The peace of mind that both parent and child "know their preferences">

Once you understand the genres and trends your child likes and borrow plenty of those books for them, the child will feel that "if I go to the library or bookstore, I can borrow (buy) the books I like," and they will become a book lover. You don't have to overthink it. You can even consult with a librarian about genres and trends like "a girl (boy) is the main character," "magic or ghosts appear," or "interesting animals appear."

I bought as many books as I could. If the budget was tight, I would look for them at used bookstores or borrow them from the library, but if you know the "genres and trends of books they like" from going to the library, the (parent's) disappointment of "I bought (borrowed) it but they didn't read it" decreases. By the way, my eldest daughter liked "mystery solving" and "detective group" series at this time, so I focused on giving her those genres, and

at this stage, the goal was to instill the act of reading itself into her body rather than reading "wonderful books." Wonderful books can be read later.

I made sure to "make sure there were always books to read," "provide the books she wanted to read as much as possible," and "keep books lined up in places where they were always visible and within the child's reach."

I spent a fair amount of money. Even if I saved on other things. If it's for books, I'll buy them... I still believe that this is a cheap investment when looking at the child's life as a whole.

During this "period of instilling the joy of reading into the child's life," there is no room for games, the internet, or videos to intervene. If these were already daily entertainment for the child, I think they would have been defeated by the speed and stimulation, and there wouldn't have been enough time to build up the muscles for reading. At least in our home, we worked on "not doing that."

<Instilling reading into the body like riding a bicycle>

Eventually, my eldest daughter built up the reading muscles to finish "one book" at her own pace.
When I said, "Shall we go to the bookstore?" she would be happy and say, "Yay!" and she read many books in her favorite series.
The important thing is not to give books aimlessly, but to acquire the "habit of reading text."Just like learning to ride a bicycle, I thought that once this is acquired in childhood, they won't find "reading" troublesome for anything in the future. I thought that if reading is troublesome, writing will also be troublesome, and they will become a child who finds reading textbooks and studying troublesome... even though I'm not a parent whose motto is academics first, I somehow thought that.

Living like this, before I knew it, my eldest daughter was in her second year of elementary school.
As always, life at home has no games or videos, but there is no inconvenience at all. There were times when she would play games when visiting friends' houses, but for my eldest daughter, it seemed to be recognized as "it was fun, but that's that."
As a parent, I told her, "If you ever feel sad because a friend says something like 'Don't you have games?', tell me right away," but fortunately, that didn't happen in the lower grades.

Meanwhile, my second daughter was in her first year of kindergarten at this time, but she often looked at the "big sister's books" piled up in the house. There were probably many books she didn't understand, but because there were books in various places in the house (it was close to them being scattered around...), the habit of reading them as a matter of course when she had free time was ingrained.

<"Waiting time" is easy wherever you go!>

It was something I had worked on with the sole desire to convey the fun of books, but when children start reading books (especially those that are text-based), there are more situations where it is practically helpful as a parent.

This was a small achievement.

Specifically, the first thing is "waiting time." Waiting time is an inevitable part of parenting, such as at restaurants or hospitals, and you're constantly being asked, "Hey, how much longer?". However, if you anticipate this and have them carry about two "novel-type books," they will just keep reading while they wait.
Manga isn't bad, and I like it too, but when you compare them, the time spent reading one volume of manga is short. It's hard to carry around many volumes, and even if you buy them, if you want to help them complete "one grand story," a parent's financial resources aren't enough. I end up thinking that longer novels are much better value for money.

I see children watching videos or playing games on their parents' smartphones during waiting times, and I don't think that's a bad thing. However, the reason we didn't do this in our home is my own personal approach as a "book nerd" that if children think they can be shown a smartphone during waiting times, their interest will drift away from reading…I would like to add that I have no intention of criticizing other people's parenting.

For reading during waiting times, I think there is also the method of reading digital books on a smartphone. I understand that has its own merits, but as long as you are using a device, it is hard to get the feeling of it being "your own book," and there is also the drawback that you cannot read if the device is being used for other things.
And also, if you end up handing over a smartphone while out and about during early childhood, they will likely develop an interest in the smartphone itself at an early age. I wanted to avoid that. It's partly for the sake of books, and I also feel that smartphones are still dangerous for young children to handle.

<Purchased a home game console for the first time in the third grade of elementary school... but>

Another thing I think about regarding digital books is that at the stage where you are letting the fun of reading soak into their bodies, paper books are overwhelmingly better suited to a child's senses.

Touching soft paper with small hands, following printed letters, and tossing it aside when finished. When one play session ends, they might read while lying down as if they just remembered it. It's also nice to choose one book from the bookshelf to match their "current mood." It might look like a whim to an adult, but children use their five senses and become friends with books with their whole bodies…I think that becomes the foundation for "experience."

―Anyway, that is why my current realization is that when children become book lovers, it makes things much easier for parents.

Even on weekends with no plans, as long as they have an "interesting book they are in the middle of reading," children will spend time at home in their own way (though the effort to provide books they find interesting is still necessary).
On a daily basis, there are no parent-child arguments like "Stop watching games and videos now!".

Regarding games, my eldest daughter finally bought a home game console in the winter of her third year of elementary school. It was during the COVID-19 pandemic, and she had started saying, "This looks fun!" after seeing TV commercials, so I thought, "It's probably okay now," and bought her one piece of software she liked.
I thought she might get hooked, but I had the conviction that "reading" was at the bottom of the pyramid as "entertainment in life that children encounter," so since she hadn't done it until she was 10, I thought that was enough.

However, the result was... my eldest daughter enjoyed playing games for about 30 minutes every day, but when the time came, she would put them away herself, saying, "I'll stop for today," and go back to reading her book.

When I said, "Are you holding back? It's okay to play a little more," her answer was, "No, I'm curious about the rest of the book, and I'll play again tomorrow, so it's fine." As she entered fourth grade, then fifth grade, I bought her software she said she "wanted" at a pace of about one every six months, but she almost always kept to the 30-minute-a-day pace.

Also, from around this time, we started watching internet videos together a little bit. It was only channels I gave the OK to, saying "This is fine," but after watching for about 30 minutes, she would say, "I'm done," and didn't really get hooked.
And then, she would go back to reading her book.

Once, I asked my eldest daughter, "How is the fun of games and videos different from the fun of books?" She replied, "Games and videos are exciting at the time, like 'Wow, this is fun!', but I don't know about long periods. With books, if the content is something I like, the fun ingredients slowly spread inside my body, and even after I finish reading, it leaves a feeling of, 'Wow, that was amazing...'".

Of course, just because they become book lovers first doesn't guarantee they won't get hooked on the games or videos they encounter next. This might just be our home.

However, I also asked my eldest daughter, "If you found games to be incredibly fun and were scolded, 'Stop it already,' how would you feel?" Her answer was, "If games were the most fun thing for me, I would be sad to be told to stop, and although I have to because it's a promise, I would think, 'If I stop this, there's nothing else fun to do'…"

I don't know how my eldest daughter's love of books affected her grades. Because I can't compare it to a "case where she didn't read." However, it seems she doesn't dislike reading text or solving problems that require thinking.
And also, it goes without saying that textbooks are books too, so I think that when you like books, you stop hating textbooks. Regarding science and math, there are likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, but at least she can read stories in Japanese class as an extension of reading, and history, which appeared after she became a sixth grader, seems to feel dramatic when compared with educational manga.

―But, the dramatic part was the growth of my second daughter.

<Second daughter who found books interesting to her>

My second daughter, who grew up in an environment where "there have been many books in the house since she was old enough to understand", especially liked Kadokawa Tsubasa Bunko and Kodansha Aoi Tori Bunko from the first grade of elementary school.
Unlike my eldest daughter, my second daughter, who doesn't particularly like mystery or adventure stories, seems to like school stories where elementary school girls like herself play an active role.

Ever since she started reading those on a daily basis, she has become able to properly convey long explanations, saying things like, "Something happened at school today. And then XX-chan said this, but I thought this, and I said this." And suddenly, she started teaching me difficult words, such as, "That's called 'divine providence'." And she hardly ever gets stuck on math word problems that require reading comprehension.

By the way, regarding Kadokawa Tsubasa Bunko and Aoi Tori Bunko, when I asked, "Why do you like these books?" she answered, "You know... unlike other books, these have furigana (reading aids) for all the kanji", which took me by surprise.

They have furigana for every kanji, no matter how simple. This is a blind spot for adults; for example, children's books aimed at "third grade and up" sometimes don't have furigana for kanji learned in second grade or below. With this, lower-grade students can't read them even if they are interested in the content, and even for a second grader, it seems it is still appreciated to have furigana for first-grade kanji that they have already finished learning.

I realized that there are certain points to be careful about when recommending books to children.
It goes without saying that the content should be interesting, but it is just as important that the text is something the child can 'read smoothly' at that time.
Before they can read smoothly because it's interesting... I suspect it's more that they can understand why it's interesting because they can read it smoothly.

<Even after learning about digital, their love for books was not overwritten>

I believe that children who read books tend to have more stable emotions.
The stories my children have read include exciting adventures, as well as many stories about 'overcoming sadness and difficulties.' That is only natural, as they are stories.
Even if it is fiction, a well-crafted story exists in a child's heart as 'a world that is truly there, and people who are truly there.' The world is vast, and there are many joys and sorrows... I feel that children build up many such drawers in their minds before we even realize it.

We often read books together for about 10 minutes before bed. Then we say 'good night,' give them a hug, and they sleep well. Since turning five, my children have almost never suffered from a lack of sleep.

What brought me the most relief was that my children's own internal drawers had increased.
My eldest daughter, now in her sixth year of elementary school, was provided with a computer for each student in her third year, and she learned how to use it in no time; she is now more knowledgeable than I am. By the way, she likes games, videos, TV, anime, and manga, and she also enjoys reading.

No matter how much digital technology they learned, their love for books was not overwritten.

There were no games or videos in our home until my eldest daughter turned 10, but I didn't feel any disadvantages, and I don't feel at all that my child's abilities are inferior or delayed in the present day because her debut into the digital world was two or three years later than those around her.

In the future, they will have smartphones, and there is no guarantee that trouble won't occur when they are out of a parent's sight. Just because a child grows up loving books doesn't mean there is any social advantage, nor does it guarantee anything about future parenting.

However, we don't have the worry of 'how to make children love books' in our home. That alone is a huge help. It really is just that, but I feel that as a parent, I have already conveyed half of 'what I really want to tell my children'.I have already conveyed half of 'what I really want to tell my children' I think.

<Organizing the 'order of encounters' in a child's life>

Sometimes friends ask me, 'How did your children come to read books?'
For us, it was paper books first... that was almost all there was to it.

But paper books taught me. They taught me how effective paper books are for a child's growth. I watched over two or three years as reading slowly soaked into my children's hearts and bodies.

And I also think this. There is a lot of know-how and support in the world on 'how to make children love books'. All of them are effective methods once you know them, but I think delaying their digital debut is just as important.

It's not about preventing them from encountering it. It's about 'organizing the order of encounters' in a child's life. I think this might even lead to solving one or two problems.

Come to think of it, digital technology has only just appeared in human history. Books have been a form of entertainment and a fountain of basic knowledge that has been familiar to the human body for over a thousand years (or maybe even longer?). It is natural that paper books and children are a good match, and I think it is a perfectly natural sight to see children with books in their hands, laughing, feeling excited, or showing sparkling expressions.

Paper books... at the bottom of the pyramid of entertainment that children encounter. I believe in that power..

Thank you, paper books.

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