<Memoir 2> My sister with zero life expectancy, unable to see her child due to slow mediation, dies in regret [Part 2]

*Some names and numbers have been fictionalized, but this is almost entirely a true story.

Continued from the first part. Click here for the first part↓↓↓

[11] Sumire's reaction in front of the school

<Arrived safely in M City. Moved into a weekly apartment,> my sister sent me a LINE message that same day.
She said that for the time being, her health was fine for simple housework and trips to the courthouse.
The next mediation took place right at the beginning of February, but even after hearing about my sister's life expectancy, my brother-in-law flatly refused, saying, "I still don't intend to let her see the child," so my sister withdrew the mediation that day and returned to the apartment.

<What! You withdrew the mediation? What does that mean?>
<Yeah. It's something I've been thinking about since I was told my life expectancy. It's not good to go see the child directly while mediation is ongoing, so I thought I'd withdraw it and just go see Sumire as her mother.>

My sister's words certainly had a point or two. After all, my sister is Sumire's normal mother. She wasn't separated due to abuse or anything like that, she wasn't under a restraining order, and she still had parental rights.
Under normal circumstances, the act of "meeting normally" should be no problem at all...
However, to be honest, I was also afraid of how Sumire herself would react to seeing her mother.

The next day, holding a mix of anxiety and hope, my sister stood in front of the elementary school at dismissal time, and Sumire appeared. Sumire turned pale when she saw her mother's face, but when my sister said, "I won't do anything, just read this..." and handed her a letter she had prepared, she took it for the time being and walked away as if fleeing.

Then, that same day, I got a LINE message from my brother-in-law: "I read the letter. What do you think you're doing?"
My brother-in-law's anger was expected, but my sister had held a faint hope that Sumire might show a slightly better reaction, like "Mom...!", or that she would read the letter in secret. It was certainly a gamble, but she also had a desire that if she could meet Sumire one-on-one, something might change...

Standing in the child's shoes, I think it was unavoidable.
My sister and her husband fought with the child in the middle and couldn't provide her with peaceful days. In that sense, they are equally guilty.

The letter my sister wrote was nothing special.
"To Sumire. Mom might be going to a far-off place soon. So, please let me see your face for just a little bit. And if possible, I would be happy if we could eat a meal together."

[12] Filing for provisional disposition

After that, my sister stood in front of the school for about two days, but my brother-in-law appeared as if to guard Sumire and told her, "If you come any closer, I'll report you." My sister said, "Feel free," but Sumire seemed to be looking at her with a frightened face.
I heard later that this incident became a topic of conversation at school for a while as "a suspicious person appeared."

Realizing that she couldn't get close to Sumire even after being told her life expectancy, my sister consulted with lawyer Kanzaki and considered filing for mediation again, but she gave up after the court told her, "Even if we start now, the judgment will likely take at least a year."

Then, as a result of consulting with lawyer Kanzaki, it was decided to file a "provisional disposition before judgment."
A provisional disposition is something you file when you cannot leave the current situation as it is for some reason; it is a measure to "preserve the effect after judgment" before deliberating over time, in other words, "we will rush to reach a conclusion first." In my sister's case, the life expectancy diagnosis fell under this circumstance.

However, by the time this was filed, the calendar was already in mid-April.
No matter how much lawyer Kanzaki rushed, the documents could only be submitted to the family court in late April. And when there was no contact from the court even after entering May, and I gave up thinking that this case would definitely be "after the holidays" for the court, my sister, as expected, was discouraged, and the words in her LINE messages lost their strength.

<If we take it easy, I'll be dead by then, right? It's been exactly three months since then, and my life expectancy has hit zero. I can still move, though. For the court, the order in which documents arrive is probably more important than a person with "zero life expectancy." It can't be helped. That's the system...>

The seven days of Golden Week that year were as long as hell.

[13] "Nothing but unfortunate"

In the end, this "hearing regarding the provisional disposition before judgment" was held in late May.
My brother-in-law himself did not appear in court, and it was limited to the judge questioning the lawyer on my brother-in-law's side.

<What, it was finally held, but Hideki didn't come? Is that allowed?>
--I was the one who was angry.
<Yeah, for the court, the purpose is to hear the circumstances first, so it seems a lawyer is fine. Well, if you don't have to go, it's natural not to go... The next hearing is in June.>
June... I sighed.
Even if it's a schedule adjustment that a healthy person might think is just how things are, for someone who has been given a life expectancy, "one month later" is an endless journey.
Moreover, at this time, so to speak, my sister already had "zero life expectancy."

Even so, the second interview with the investigator regarding Sumire was held in mid-July, and the report reached lawyer Kanzaki in late July.

My sister contacted me immediately after seeing the contents, but I was also surprised when I read it.

Sumire had hardly interacted with her mother since their separation two years ago, so there was no way for her impression of her mother to be either good or bad.
--Nevertheless, Sumire had said this:
"I was told that Mom is casting a curse and attacking Dad, so I shouldn't get close to her. I heard she's going to die soon, but I don't need to see her."

It was the summer when Sumire was in the fourth grade of elementary school, 10 years old.

Following this result, in August, the court issued a judgment:
"Considering the welfare of the minor, allow visitation between the petitioner and the minor. It is nothing but unfortunate that she holds such feelings toward her own mother without receiving appropriate advice from the adults around her. She should regain her feelings toward her mother based on the minor's own senses."
Lawyer Kanzaki said that the fact that the provisional application was granted was "extremely unusual."

--My sister cried when she read this document.

However, the wording of this document was the "obvious" content that we had been appealing for, and it had taken a full two years since the mother-child separation and about a year and a half since the first mediation for this obvious thing to be written in an official court document.

My sister and lawyer Kanzaki repeatedly requested, "We want to discuss the date, time, and place for the visit immediately," but there was no response, and when we checked with the brother-in-law's law firm again, the blunt reply was, "We have filed an immediate appeal."

<They filed an immediate appeal... Mr. Kanzaki was furious, but he said there's nothing the court can do until the High Court's judgment comes out...>
<Why? The provisional disposition was granted, and the court even issued such a clear document saying "you must let them meet," so why can't you meet!?>
<They say there's no enforcement power... It's not a fight over parental rights, so if the child herself says she doesn't want to meet, you can't force it. In the end, it depends on the feelings of the custodial parent, but since it's being flatly refused, I guess this is the end...>
<No way!>

[14] You can't vent your anger on someone with zero life expectancy

Around this time, I was also going crazy.
I had been holding it in, but from the point of "filed an immediate appeal," I thought if I could faint, I would.
Every day, disturbing LINE messages came from my sister, and every time I read them, I became unable to do the housework and childcare in front of me, and I found myself treating my own children harshly more often.

I wanted my sister to be well, I wanted to do what I could for her, I wanted to support her in mediation... I wrote statements and researched past precedents and children's rights every day, but there was no premonition that it would lead to results.
Of course. Because there was nothing I could do from the beginning.
And I even wanted to vent my anger at my sister herself, saying, "Why do you make your own life so complicated!?" --but of course, I held it in.
You cannot vent your anger on someone with zero life expectancy.
My sister was a kind person to those she didn't need to fight. She was a good sister to me. I wanted to love her until the end.

And once again, I was devastated by the fact that the court had no enforcement power in this matter.
If I know it's "up to the other person's feelings"... Sister, let's apologize even now... let's bow our heads... If they actually saw your weakened figure, they might...
--Many times, it came to my throat, but I couldn't say it.
My sister was hopelessly unable to lie.

[15] Welcome home

After that, my sister's health deteriorated like rolling down a slope, and although she managed to keep going by having water drained from her lungs at a hospital in M City, by mid-September, there was nothing more that could be done.
She was forced to live while dragging a portable oxygen tank, and she seemed to feel that she had reached her limit.

<I'm thinking of coming back there. But I can't get on a plane anymore...>
<I understand. I'll come pick you up.>
...Although I said that, the means were difficult for me, and in the end, a cousin who was like a brother to us went to M City to pick up my sister and brought her back by Shinkansen and car. I was grateful.

<Sister, is there anything I can do for you?>
I couldn't say "for the last time."
<There is. Something only Sayoko can do... I want you to write a document for a disciplinary request against their lawyer. I really want to write it myself, but I can't anymore. I think their lawyer is also too terrible. Even when asked by the judge during the hearing, "Why don't you recommend visitation to Ms. Minagawa?", they couldn't answer properly. To me, it looked like they weren't thinking about the child's future at all. Sayoko, you have all the records of what happened, right?>
I was surprised that she still had the will to fight, but I answered, <Understood. Leave it to me.>

My sister, who returned to her parents' home, was hospitalized immediately and passed away a few days later.
It was a clear autumn day, a departure in her mid-40s.


Even though her life expectancy was zero, she had been going to court on her own feet until just recently, so I somehow thought she would still be okay...
That's why I was surprised by the suddenness of her passing.
But come to think of it, she had worked hard for five months after her life expectancy hit zero.

I had intended to do what I could at my parents' home for a while when my sister returned, and I had even researched end-of-life care for cancer patients and visiting nurses, but there was no need for that, and since she passed away immediately after returning, it meant her body had already decayed.

I asked my sister in M City many times, <Should I go there? Is there anything I can help with?>, but she said realistic things like, <No need. Sayoko, take care of your own children. If you're going to come, it would be more helpful if you gave me that travel money. Mediation costs money.> In fact, her funds were also at their limit. I was also at my limit.

<Sayoko, more than that, I want you to leave a record. Write about me someday. That there are parents like me who can't even reach the point of fighting for parental rights, who can't even see their children...>

On the day my sister passed away, my father made a business-like phone call to my brother-in-law.
To my father, who said, "She passed away today. We'll take care of everything else here," my brother-in-law apparently said, "I understand. What will you do about the mediation?"

I found out later that the High Court had dismissed the immediate appeal by my brother-in-law's side, and the judgment that "the mother and the minor must have visitation immediately" was handed down on the very day my sister passed away.

When I heard that from lawyer Kanzaki, I was a little surprised, but immediately, I felt that it was already a matter of no importance...

She was helpless.

[16] A complex and beautiful person

My sister has passed away. Leaving me with a lot of homework.
And so, she left behind many documents, letters, and memos for Sumire, including those submitted to mediation.

"No matter what I lose, I won't lose you."

"I'm sorry for being a mom who was no good at many things. There were times I got pretty angry, weren't there? If I could eat a meal Mom made together one last time and sleep together, I wouldn't mind dying whenever."

"Don't worry at all about being surprised to see Mom at school, Sumire. Parents are totally fine even if they are treated a little coldly by their children. Sumire, live a long life, and please come to heaven after you become a white-haired old lady."

"Sumire, what are you doing now?"

My sister, who had so much love, yet couldn't bow her head to her husband to see Sumire.
There was a mysterious heart there that wasn't about logic, and the figure of my sister who thirsted to live her own life without compromise.

--In the past, my sister often looked up at the sky and said.

"The sky in Japan has power lines, so it's not great in terms of scenery."
"Is that so? I thought it was natural for them to be there. It's beautiful enough for me, though," I said, and looking at me, she laughed,
"Well, most people don't care, though."

The summer of the year she passed away, my sister was temporarily hospitalized in M City, and she sent a photo of the sky visible from the hospital room window with the comment:
<The room is on the window side. That alone is a salvation.>
And she also wrote,
<I might not be able to see this sky anymore.>

Sister, most people are satisfied with the scenery of the sky even if there are power lines.

[17] What I realized after three years

For the first year after my sister's death, I spent it in a daze.
And after the first anniversary memorial service was over, I was somehow able to display my sister's photo. I felt relieved when I saw her smiling photo. Come to think of it, I realized I hadn't been able to see her genuine smile since she was separated from Sumire...

Little by little, I also started organizing her belongings.
After two years, I finally decided to organize the LINE exchanges with my sister, and when I turned them into text, I was surprised that there was about 500 pages of A4 text just for the two years from when my sister separated from Sumire until she passed away. The contents of the mediation, what she felt that day, regrets, thoughts about Sumire, etc., it was a record of "what one person felt and how they acted" just as it was.

After more than three years, I have also come to understand.
That when you lose someone important, the sadness never fades forever.
The guilt for my own advice of saying "Let's believe" lightly, and the feeling of helplessness that I couldn't do anything, haven't faded at all.

Even so, I can organize the events that happened.

--Sayoko, write it down.
I had come to understand a little bit of the meaning of my sister's words.

My sister failed. It might have been a spectacular failure that was too painful to watch.
I can no longer save my sister, but can't I connect something to the future, even a little?
Can I learn from past failures?

There are countless unavoidable misfortunes in the world.
But what about the misfortune of children coming from marital discord?
Isn't it an avoidable misfortune?
It can't be helped that love between a man and a woman fades, or that they divorce.

--But what about the child?

I cannot assert that separation or bereavement from a parent during childhood is the greatest misfortune for a child.
There are also parents without love.
There are also cases where it is better not to meet.
But what about when love that should have existed is treated as if it didn't exist?
What about living under the misunderstanding that you weren't loved?

--Isn't that an unmistakable misfortune?

Isn't it too unreasonable?
There must be a better way.
We still have things we must think about.

[18] I move sideways

There are people who say, "Time heals wounds of the heart."
There are also people who say, "There is also the saying that time is the best medicine."

However, I know for myself that the loneliness of not being able to grieve honestly because too many unusual events got in the way of the days my sister was dying will never heal.
I wanted to grieve more.

Even so, if you are alive, you can walk slowly and move to the next stage. It might not even be progress... just a sideways move.
By moving sideways and viewing the events that occurred from a different angle, I can grasp a foothold for living. I think now... that is the true nature of what the world calls "time is the best medicine."

I held a funeral, but I always felt that I hadn't been able to mourn.
I had been apologizing in my heart the whole time.

I will move sideways.
The record of my sister's life is not just this. What I wrote here is a "touch" that doesn't even reach one-hundredth.
From now on, I will organize the events that happened little by little. I don't know how many years it will take.

--Sister, I will write about you.


[End of Part 2]
I would like to leave behind the proof of my sister's life little by little from now on.

・It is a painful story, but I am writing about the day she passed away. To ensure it is not forgotten...↓↓↓

・I am writing specifically about the difficulties faced by the parties involved when a child is suddenly taken away by a spouse one day↓↓↓

・This is my self-introduction. About what I want to write on noto↓↓↓

・I believe joint custody is necessary, but before that, I want to think about the child's own "feelings of love"↓↓↓

・I believe joint custody is necessary, but before that, I think we must seriously consider "adults becoming adults"...↓↓↓

・Please do not let children hear "bad things about their parents"...↓↓↓

・Please take a look at this as well if you would like↓↓↓