Don't think, feel
I am Edase, a high school teacher.
I mainly post about
education, psychology, communication, self-improvement,
and daily realizations.
Today, I got home after 10 PM
due to dealing with school troubles.
Ahhh, I'm so tired,
I think, and immediately
write a note article.
I have already decided on the content.
Especially this time,
for those who realize they haven't been feeling well or have no emotions lately
for those who want to take action but feel held back
I will try writing for you.
Please stay with me until the end.
There was a time
when I felt absolutely no emotions.
My heart wouldn't lift even when listening to music I loved,
and when I ate food I liked,
I just chewed and swallowed.
Conversations with others felt like 'chanting sutras',
and I thought I was 'deaf to the world'.
My five senses dulled,
and I truly could not understand
what emotions I was feeling.
Deep in my chest or inside my brain,
there was a premonition.
There was definitely a sense that my emotions were asleep.
But no matter how much I thought about
what they were, I had no idea.
In the end,
I couldn't even understand what others were saying well,
which was truly scary and made me anxious.
Above all, I was lonely.
When I learned the word 'repression',
I was able to understand,
'Ah, this was me.'
Repression is
hiding emotions you 'want to forget' or 'don't want to see'
deep in your heart.
Because you 'want to forget' and 'don't want to see' them,
your subconscious
quietly hides them away.
Because they are hidden,
you become unable to recognize 'them'
in your conscious mind.
Repression has its benefits.
It makes things easier.
Temporarily, at least...
It's like taking medicine when you have a cold.
If you could fully recover with that,
there would be no problem at all...
The troublesome part is that
you are only hiding your 'emotions',
and you haven't actually forgotten them
or made them truly disappear.
'They' definitely exist and are wriggling.
Rather,
'Don't look at that!
Absolutely don't try to look at it!'
The more you are forbidden,
the more you can't help but be curious about it,
which is the nature of peoplethroughout time and place.
As a result,
you become preoccupied with 'it',
and while you are hyper-focused,
the fact that you 'can't see'
and 'don't understand' continues,
which makes you anxious and scared,
so negative emotions start to well up.
And then,
gradually, your actions start to get held back.
Even if you want to move, your body freezes up and stiffens.
Your heart, too, becomes heavy and hard.
If you leave it like that
and time passes,
it's like you've "died,"
and your heart enters a state of unresponsiveness.
I have experienced this feeling.
"Why did it end up like this..."
I would think about it all night in bed,
emotionless and expressionless.
I had no emotions,
but my thoughts were just spinning and spinning...
So,
how did I recover from that?
There are many methods I want to introduce for this.
I plan to write articles about various approaches
on other occasions in the future, but
the essential point is,
to take the emotions you
"forgot about"
or "couldn't see"
and with your eyes wide open, look straight at them,
and through your five senses,
it is best to feel them completely.With someone.
You will probably cry.
I used up a whole box of tissues.
I felt so pathetic, so incredibly pathetic.
I was selfish, I was a brat.
I was full of confidence and putting on a brave face,
but my mental state was as fragile as a Pocky stick.
How uncool,
how lame, what a loser,
no wonder I'm not popular...
Those messy, dark emotions,
you know,
you just have to feel them to the fullest.
To the point where you get a slight fever of about 37 degrees.
It's not that you shouldn't feel them.
People have "emotions"!
Don't think, feel.
It's okay to feel.
If you are thinking
"I want to forget"
or "I don't want to see"
those emotions,
that is nothing more than
being trapped by your own self-imposed limitations!!
The tricky thing about repression is that
while you can easily tell when others are repressing emotions,
you often don't realize
the emotions you are repressing yourself.
If reading this article
struck a chord with you,
please try challenging yourself
to "feel."
And what I want you to remember is
to feel them together with "someone."
So,
my recommendation is
to write exactly what you feel on note!!
You can write anonymously,
and there are many people who will empathize with you,
so even if it's impossible in real life,
you should be able to fully open up on note.
You can start with
"I don't feel anything lately"
or "Ugh, I'm sooooo tired"
and that's totally fine.
Come on, let's write.
Thank you for reading
until the end!
I would be happy if this
could be of even a little help to you.