The 'Little Joys' That Saved Me During a Summer of Trying to Conceive

Summer, back when I was trying to conceive,
was a season I struggled with just a little bit.

The heat would drain my energy.
And during summer vacation and the Obon holidays, I would often see families out and about.

And above all,
'I wonder if this summer will end without me conceiving again.'

That feeling
was always lying somewhere in the back of my mind.

But back then, there were 'little joys'
that saved me.

Today, please let me share those stories with you.

Big happiness doesn't come just by waiting for it

While trying to conceive, my happiness
was tied to just one single result.

Positive or negative.

That alone determined everything for that month.

But I couldn't control that result.

And so, happiness was always
'something that hadn't arrived yet.'

In the midst of those days, I realized something.

While waiting for big happiness,
if I don't create little happiness for myself,
my heart won't hold up.

The three little joys that saved me

1. A cold treat, just for summer

A cold sweet to eat on a hot day.

I always kept my favorite chocolate ice cream
stocked in the freezer.

The day I went to the clinic.
The day I didn't get the result I wanted.
The day I felt a bit down for no reason.

'I'll eat this today.'

Just deciding that,
became a reason to get through the day.

It's a small thing.

But a habit of being kind to yourself,
has the power to protect your heart.

2. Make your evening bath a special time

In summer, it's easy to just take a shower, but,
I made a point of soaking in the tub.

Choosing a bath salt with a scent I liked, based on my mood that day.

Just for 10 minutes, closing my eyes.

For that time only,
I decided not to think about trying to conceive.

I think having time where you don't think about it,
was also important for continuing the journey.

3. Time to 'just feel summer'

Listening to the sound of fireworks from the balcony.
Trying hanging a wind chime.
Feeling the slightly cooler evening breeze.

It doesn't require money or preparation,
just time to savor the season.

It was a time that brought me back to the 'now',
when I had been thinking only about the future.

Don't feel guilty about enjoying yourself

While trying to conceive, you might feel this way sometimes.

'Is it okay to be enjoying myself at a time like this?'
'Shouldn't I be taking this more seriously?'

The me from back then thought so, too.

But, I can say this now.

Enjoying yourself is not the same as giving up.

Rather, it is a necessary form of mental maintenance,
to continue the long journey of trying to conceive.

Especially during difficult times,
I want you to have ways to bring yourself joy.

That is by no means running away.

Because of that summer, I am where I am today.

Now that I have finished fertility treatment,
I am spending the summer with my children.

It is lively and hectic,
completely different from the quiet summers of back then.

But, I remember it suddenly.

The coldness of the ice cream I ate alone.
The scent of the bath.
The distant fireworks I heard from the balcony.

Those little joys
gently supported me
during that painful season.

To you, who are spending this summer trying to conceive.

The big result may not be visible yet.

But, within this day,
please try to create just one little joy.

A cold drink.
A favorite scent.
The evening breeze.

The accumulation of those things
will protect your heart.

May this summer be
at least a little bit kinder to you.

Thank you for reading this far today.