Listening Before Scolding: A Parent's Power of Questioning

It is common for parents to get emotional and scold their children when they cause trouble or do not behave as expected. However, scolding them without listening can make children defensive, leading not only to rebellion but also to the erosion of the parent-child bond.

This is where the "power of questioning" becomes important. In coaching, it is considered essential to ask questions that draw out the other person's thoughts and help them reach their own realizations. By asking appropriate questions, parents can help their children organize their feelings and develop the ability to find solutions on their own.

For example, suppose a child comes home from school looking down. Instead of pressing them with, "Why do you look so gloomy?" asking gently, "Is there something worrying you?" makes it easier for the child to talk about their feelings. Also, by asking a broader question like, "What happened today?" instead of "Did something happen at school?" you can allow the child to speak at their own pace without feeling pressured.

Furthermore, when a child is just playing instead of doing their homework, instead of getting angry and saying, "Why aren't you doing your homework!" asking, "How do you think you can balance your homework time and playtime well?" gives the child an opportunity to think for themselves. By repeating such questions, the habit of "thinking and acting for oneself" is cultivated, rather than just "doing it because a parent said so."

Moreover, when a child makes a mistake, instead of scolding them immediately, asking, "Is there anything you realized from this?" can encourage reflection while fostering a positive attitude toward learning. Following up with, "How do you think you can make it go well next time?" allows the child to think of their own improvements and gain the confidence to try again.

A parent's "power of questioning" is an important skill that not only makes conversations with children smoother but also nurtures the child's own ability to think and solve problems. By simply being conscious of "asking questions" in daily conversations, the parent-child relationship will deepen, and you will be able to support your child's growth.