Grumbling (Black) ||| Shin Novel No.038
It had been a long time since I last descended into the village.
Eating a meal with someone.
Greeting the morning in the same room as someone.
Talking about trivial things while watching the steam rise from a cup of coffee.
I was a little surprised at how much energy such things actually took.
At the same time, it certainly wasn't bad.
She was capable.
Whatever she did, she could generally do it properly.
She was thoughtful and quick-witted.
She was the type of person who could keep things running even if left to her own devices.
However, inside her, there was energy that had been misdirected.
Anger, or perhaps sadness.
Something unrewarded from the past remained, quietly but surely, with a sense of pressure.
It is usually invisible.
But if you touch a slightly deeper place, it comes out properly.
And in a proper form, at that.
That was why it was troublesome.
At one point, I stepped in just a little too far.
I just wanted someone to listen to me.
I was feeling a bit weak and wanted to be a little spoiled.
It was just that, but the conversation dove deeper than I had expected.
She put her anxiety into words.
There were no concrete examples.
But that feeling, at least, seemed to be real.
I tried to understand.
I tried to accept it properly.
I tried to know where they felt that way.
But that was probably too much.
Competent and powerful negativity takes your energy when you try to process it.
And it comes with logical arguments.
That's why it's even more draining.
By the time I realized it, I was a little tired.
I don't have enough output to keep this up.
Relationships have output.
There are relationships that continue with low output, and there are relationships that always require high output.
The one with her was the latter.
It works.
If I face it properly, it will probably become a proper relationship.
However, to maintain it, I need to keep putting out the same amount of energy.
Right now, I don't have that.
I do think it was interesting.
I feel like I've never had a relationship that shook my heart this much in my life.
That alone was worth enough.
But at the same time, there was a part of me that was relieved it was over.
Interest and comfort are two different things.
It seems she is starting a new job again.
I am sure it is the right time for her to put her energy into that.
I had no reason to force the relationship to continue either.
The parting was quiet.
No one is to blame.
No one is wrong.
It is just that our outputs did not match.
That is all there is to it.
Coming down to the village, then returning to the mountains a little.
I think it is fine to keep repeating that.
The blank space has opened up again.
Perhaps something else will come in again.
Besides.
I am quite a handful myself, after all.
They were very fulfilling days with high output from both of us.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(White) to 👇️
👉️Shin Novel Magazine
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