How Serious People Can Win Back in a Workplace Where Sycophants Prevail

Hello, this is 3-chan.
Today, I'm talking about how life's outcomes are determined not by 'ability,' but by 'relationships.'

It's always that person who gets promoted.
For some reason, they are favored by those above them.
The kind of person who looks like a so-called 'sycophant'.

This is infuriating.
But if you look at it calmly, it's not just a coincidence.
I think it's just that the quality of human relationships is manifesting as a result.

Of course, there are prerequisites.
Knowledge, skills, and effort are necessary.
That is the foundation.
However, you cannot break through the ceiling with just the foundation.

I spend my days with various business owners.
They come from different scales and industries.
Those who have achieved great success, without exception, invested time and cost into 'relationships'.
Who to connect with.
How to build trust.
Where not to ruffle feathers.
Where to create an atmosphere where people can speak their true feelings.
They do not take this lightly.

And.
This is the main point.

This isn't just about work.
In fact, it's about all areas of life.

Projects don't move forward.
Usually, it's because relationships are stuck.
The 'we have a logical argument, but nothing gets decided' situation.

The home environment becomes strained.
Usually, it's because relationships are worn thin.
The 'you should know without me saying it' attitude becomes a landmine before you know it.

Friendships don't last.
Usually, it's because the way relationships are handled has become sloppy.
Using busyness as an excuse to stop maintaining them.
Then, they quietly wither away.

And after your 40s, this accelerates.
Responsibilities increase.
Time decreases.
Physical strength declines.
Mental margin is reduced.
In other words, all the conditions for relationships to become strained are present.

And what's scary is this.
When relationships collapse, everything else collapses in a chain reaction.

Work becomes chaotic.
You bring it home.
Home becomes chaotic.
You can't rest.
You don't recover.
Your work judgment becomes poor.
Relationships worsen again.

…Does this cycle look familiar to you?

That is why today, while focusing on the success cycle model,
'Why does the quality of relationships change even the results of life?'
I will organize this through my own personal experience.

I'm not saying to suck up to people.
I'm not saying to be a people-pleaser either.
It's actually the opposite.
When you treat relationships as a 'skill,' life becomes easier.

What results do you want right now?
Sales? Promotion? Project success?
Or perhaps for the atmosphere at home to be a little calmer?
To be able to laugh with friends again?

Perhaps the entrance to all of that is the same.
The quality of relationships.
I feel like it starts there.

Chapter 1: Impatience and 'Read' Receipts

Work doesn't stop because of tasks.
It usually stops because of 'people'.

Even when the documents are perfect.
Even when the preparations are complete.
There are days when things just don't move forward for some reason.

It's the kind of thing you can sense the moment you walk in.
Voices are quiet.
People don't make eye contact.
Responses are short.
There is no laughter.

And on days like this,
the more you say the right thing, the more you lose.
Because after you say it, everyone suddenly goes quiet.

So you swallow it.
You change how you phrase things.
You soften your tone.
As a result, what you really want to say stays trapped inside you.

What happens when it stays inside?
You get tired in a subtle way.

You go home feeling unsettled.
When you get home, there is an atmosphere there, too.

Dinner.
The TV.
The kids talking.
Your spouse's tired face.
You aren't fighting.
But somehow, things just don't click.

"Yeah."
"I see."
There are days when the conversation ends with just that.

It's not that things are terrible.
It's just that you don't have the energy to talk.
That's all.

And this is the tricky part.
If you can't recover at home, work becomes even harder.
If work is hard, you lose your patience at home, too.
It spins quietly.
Round and round.

It's the same with friends.
It becomes a hassle to invite them out.
Replies become slow.
Coordinating schedules becomes a burden.

Before you know it, the relationship becomes something where you only contact each other when there's business.
Once that happens, it gradually fades away.

Adult relationships aren't maintained on their own.
If you leave them alone, they just disappear.
Without any malice.

And when a relationship weakens, the first thing to decrease is "words."

At work,
"Actually, I'm stuck on this" can't be said.
"Can you help me out?" can't be said.
So you hold onto it until the very end.
And then, you explode.

At home,
"Today was tough" can't be said.
"I don't have the capacity right now" can't be said.
So the silence grows.

With friends,
"How have you been lately?" can't be said.
Because you can't say it, you don't know about their life either.
As a result, the distance between you becomes fixed.

When a relationship is strained, conversation decreases.
When conversation decreases, misunderstandings increase.
When misunderstandings increase, conversation decreases even further.

This isn't dramatic.
But it wears you down a little bit every day.

Conversely,
when relationships are good, everything feels lighter.

They consult early.
They make requests early.
They share mistakes early.
They make corrections early.
That is why their results come early.

It is the same at home.
Just being able to say, "Can I talk to you for a second?" changes your evenings.
It is the same with friends.
Relationships where you can say, "Can we meet for just 10 minutes?" are the ones that last.

The tricky part here is this.
The people who get results often look like they are also "good at relationships."

But in reality, it is often the opposite.
They got results because they did not treat their relationships carelessly.
There are people like that.

That is why, from your 40s onwards, this is a crossroads.
Honing your skills.
That is a prerequisite.

But if you leave your relationships neglected,
at work, at home, and with friends,
you will get stuck in the same place everywhere.

Do you have any idea what this kind of stagnation feels like?

From here on, I am not talking about willpower, but about "how to handle things."
Do not just leave relationships to "happenstance."
I believe that is the entrance to a successful cycle model.

Chapter 2: Conviction and the CEO's Office

When I talk to business owners, I sometimes get a strange feeling.
Even though this person is talking about numbers, they are looking at people.

They are talking about sales.
They are also talking about hiring.
But in the end, they always come back to, "How does everyone feel?"

Because of my line of work, I spend a lot of time with CEOs.
They come from various industries and scales.
There are economic waves.
There are times when things go well, and times when they are difficult.

Among them, there is something common to those who are growing.
It is not the flashiness of their talent.
It is not the volume of their voice.
And it is certainly not about being "good at sucking up to people."

It is something much more understated.
They do not treat relationships carelessly.
That is it.

For example, before entering the CEO's office,
they make sure to look at the receptionist.
They remember their name.
On their way out, they offer a brief word of thanks.

Just doing this changes the atmosphere.
Information circulates faster.
Consultations come up.
The seeds of mistakes are spotted while they are still small.

Conversely, the environment around someone who treats relationships roughly becomes like this.
Everyone stays silent.
Reports are delayed.
They are processed into a "form that won't get me scolded" before being submitted.
That is why it becomes too late.

In the end, what the CEO wants is not a "pretty report," but the "facts."
Yet the facts do not come out.
This is not a lack of ability.
It is caused by how relationships are handled.

I spent a long time in the field as an occupational therapist.
There are days when patients cannot move based on logic alone.
They understand, but they cannot do it.
That is what it means to be human.

But it changes when there is a relationship.
"If it's this person, it'll be okay."
The moment they feel that, their body can move.

Business is very similar.
People are not moved by correctness alone.
They cannot move without a sense of security and conviction.

That is why the most successful managers invest time in relationships.
It may look like they are just chatting.
But it is not just idle chatter.

They create an environment where the other person feels comfortable talking.
They express small tokens of gratitude first.
They ask about the other person's availability before making a request.
They do not overturn decisions the next day.
If they do change something, they explain the reason clearly.

Through such small, cumulative efforts, it becomes easier for those around them to take action.
As a result, things move faster.
Even if there is a failure, it is possible to recover.
Adjustments can be made.

And this is important.
These people do not treat relationships based on their 'mood'.
They do not act based on their temperament.
They are not kind only when they feel like it.

Anyone can maintain relationships when things are going well.
The problem is when things are difficult.
When you are busy.
When you have no breathing room.
When you are feeling impatient.

That is where the gap widens between those who become careless and those who do not.
And after your 40s, you are generally busy all the time.
That is why the difference becomes apparent.

It is true that there are situations where sycophants win.
But truly strong people do not win by fawning over others.
They build 'relationships where people can act' first.
On top of that, they drive their work forward.

If you misjudge this, it is hell.
Your skills accumulate, but for some reason, those around you do not move.
You become lonely.
And gradually, you become suspicious.

That is why I trust people who do not treat relationships lightly.
I feel that I look at that before looking at results.

Chapter 3: Conviction and the Success Cycle Model

When you first hear about the Success Cycle Model, you think this:
'So, it's just about getting along with each other, right?'

I understand.
It is the kind of thing that usually sounds suspicious when put on a poster.

But that is not the meaning of this model.
It is not a 'feel-good story,' but rather a story about a cold, structural reality.

The Success Cycle Model is arranged like this:
Quality of relationships
Quality of thinking
Quality of action
Quality of results
And the results return to the quality of relationships.

The point is the 'cycle' part.
It is not a straight line.
Cause and effect do not end in one go.
It keeps spinning.

What this means is:
Once it starts spinning, it accelerates on its own.
For the better.
Or for the worse.

For example, the worse.

The quality of relationships drops.
Then, the first thing that happens is the 'deterioration of thinking'.
This is often misunderstood.

Deterioration of thinking is not about becoming less intelligent.
It is about how you use your mind changing.

Protect yourself.
Be suspicious.
Shape things so you cannot be blamed.
Don't say anything unnecessary.
Choose the path that avoids getting scolded as quickly as possible.

Once you enter this mode, your behavior changes too.
You take fewer risks.
You consult others less.
You share information less frequently.
As a result, rework increases.
Performance drops.

When performance drops, management gets anxious.
When they get anxious, they tighten control.
When control is tight, the team stays silent even more.

Yes, it's complete.
A vicious cycle.

What is the measure that management tends to take at this point?
It is to tweak only the 'quality of action'.

Do it faster.
Report more.
Have more meetings.
More KPIs.
Press harder.

I want to do that.
I understand.
But that is like trying to add gasoline while keeping your foot on the brake.

This is what the model is saying.
If you want to change the results, there is a limit to just hammering away at actions.
If your thinking remains defensive, your actions will be optimized in the wrong direction.
And thinking is pulled by relationships.

Conversely, a virtuous cycle looks like this.

The quality of relationships improves.
Then, thinking turns 'outward'.
How can we make this better?
What is the real problem?
Who should I ask to get a quick answer?
What is the easiest thing to do right now?

These kinds of questions arise.
When questions arise, actions change.
Try things on a small scale.
Consult early.
Report mistakes while they are still small.
Don't create unnecessary documents.
Once decided, do it.

Results follow.
When results follow, relationships improve even further.
The conviction that 'it's okay to talk to that person' builds up.

Once you reach this point, the success cycle model is no longer just a philosophy.
It is like a 'blueprint for friction costs'.

In organizations with poor relationships, time is dissolved by friction.
In organizations with good relationships, there is less friction, so they move forward.
It's just that simple.

Now, here is the part you can use in practice.

This model is suitable for 'diagnosis'.
Where is the bottleneck right now?
Results? Actions? Thinking? Relationships?

For example, the results are bad.
But the volume of action is high.
There are many meetings.
There is a lot of overtime.
Yet, nothing comes of it.

At this time, increasing actions is usually a mistake.
Either the thinking is distorted, or the relationships are damaged.

The signs of distorted thinking are simple.
An increase in 'searching for the right answer'.
An increase in 'avoiding responsibility'.
An increase in 'hindsight safety measures'.

The signs of damaged relationships are also simple.
Consultations are delayed.
Bad news is not reported.
True feelings only come out in casual conversation.
Decisions are made outside of meetings.

Once you can see this far, your approach changes.
It's no longer about "trying harder."
It's not about "putting on the pressure" either.
First, create a state where bad news can be shared.
First, establish boundaries for when it's okay to consult.
First, create rules for when you need to overturn a decision.

In other words, treat the quality of relationships as the "initial variable."
This is the core of the model.

It's the same at home.
When the atmosphere at home is bad, your thinking becomes defensive.
You end up thinking, "It's a hassle to say anything, so I'll just stay quiet."
When you stay quiet, your actions decrease.
You help out less.
You communicate less.
As a result, things become even more strained.

It's the same with friends.
When distance grows, you start overthinking things.
Like, "Would it be weird if I reached out after all this time?"
When your thinking becomes defensive, your actions stop.
When they stop, the relationship becomes stagnant.

This is why this model is meaningful.
Relationships aren't just a "mood"; they are the starting point of a chain reaction.
If you fix the starting point, the downstream effects can sometimes correct themselves.

The topic of sycophancy also comes back to this.
That is just optimizing the "quality of relationships" toward those above you.
It wins in the short term.
But it doesn't necessarily improve the circulation of the entire organization.
That's why, in the long run, it almost always leads to distortions.

So, what is a realistic approach?
I will write about the "methods" to improve the quality of relationships.
Not through sheer willpower.
But in a way that is sustainable.

Chapter 4: Reciprocity and Implementation

The quality of relationships might seem like a vague concept about likability.
But in reality, it is a very practical "design of influence."

At the center of this is the law of reciprocity.
People want to give back when they receive something.
Whether it's goodwill, time, help, or words.
Moreover, in many cases, the person who "received first" holds the power.
Therefore, if you want to improve your relationships, "giving first" is the shortest path.

If you miss this, the success cycle model won't work.
Relationships improve.
Thinking opens up.
Consultations increase.
Actions become faster.
Results are achieved.
Relationships improve again.

This first step is the "activation of reciprocity."

However.
This is different from fawning.
Fawning is about catering to someone's mood.
Reciprocity is an operation to "lighten the burden."

What you do is simple.
But it is properly down-to-earth.

First, decide what to give first.
It doesn't have to be money or things.
In fact, for work, this is enough.

・Information that helps the other person (briefly)
・Reducing one task for the other person (proactive)
・Removing one anxiety for the other person (providing clarity)
・Putting the other person's achievements into words (acknowledgment)

Reciprocity is triggered by the feeling of "that helped."
Therefore, increasing small "that helped" moments is more powerful than one big favor.
Because they accumulate.

Next, increase the speed of giving back.
People with strong relationships are fast at giving back.
They are fast to respond.
They are fast to confirm.
They are fast to thank.

What's important here isn't the quantity.
It's the speed.
The longer it takes, the more it becomes an "outstanding debt" in the other person's mind.
When outstanding debts increase, the atmosphere of the relationship becomes heavy.

And the most effective thing is the "repayment of words."
Gratitude is more of a currency than a matter of etiquette.
If you don't pay it, things get clogged up.

"That was a big help."
"This part was really great."
"This decision helped us move forward."
Say these three things out loud.

Conversely, reciprocity can also destroy relationships.
Reciprocity has not only a positive side but a negative one as well.
If you treat others carelessly, you will be treated carelessly in return.
If you look down on others, you will be looked down on in return.

Therefore, the behaviors you should stop are also clear.

・Taking credit for others' work
・Not saying thank you
・Taking others' goodwill for granted
・Changing conditions after the fact
・Only reaching out when you are in trouble

These all make you someone people don't want to give back to.
As a result, people stop coming to you for advice.
Information stops coming your way.
In the end, you get left behind.

It is the same at home or with friends.
Whether it's sharing housework or hanging out with friends.
Ultimately, it all relies on the "give and take of contributions."
When reciprocity breaks down, communication decreases.
When communication decreases, misunderstandings increase.
When misunderstandings increase, relationships grow cold.

So, if you want to improve a relationship,
adjust the way you operate before you "try harder with your feelings."

Give first.
Return quickly.
Return with words.
Do not change conditions after the fact.
Do not monopolize credit.

Just by doing this, the quality of your relationships will improve.
When the quality of relationships improves, your thinking shifts from defensive to outward-looking.
When it shifts outward, your actions become lighter.
When they become lighter, you get results.
When you get results, reciprocity starts to cycle again.

The success cycle model is, in short,
the idea that "teams (families, friendships) that keep the cycle of reciprocity going are strong."
That is what I believe.

And one last thing.
Reciprocity is powerful.
That is precisely why using it carelessly will break relationships.
Trying to intentionally create a debt of gratitude does not work in the long run.
Give first in order to "reduce the burden on the other person."
Do not lose sight of this.

What is something you can give first right now?
Is it information?
Is it peace of mind?
Or is it a proper "thank you"?

Conclusion

Ultimately,
results are not determined solely by the total amount of effort.

Skills are a prerequisite.
Polishing them is a given.
But if you stop there, there is a ceiling.

The true nature of that ceiling is relationships.
When relationships become clogged, your thinking leans toward defense.
When you lean toward defense, your movements slow down.
When you slow down, your results drop.
When results drop, relationships deteriorate even further.

This is a negative cycle.
What is scary is that it makes no sound.
It progresses quietly.
You get tired quietly.

The opposite works just as well.
Relationships are set in order.
Then, consultations increase.
Information flows.
Decisions are made.
You can take action.
Results are produced.
Because results are produced, relationships are set in order again.

This is where reciprocity comes into play.
People want to give back when they receive something.
That is why the person who gives first is strong.
It is not sycophancy.
It is in the sense of lightening the other person's burden.

At work.
At home.
With friends.
Where relationships last, "small returns" are generally circulating.
Thank you.
That helped.
I'm glad I left it to you.
Those words make the next step easier.

After your 40s, both your time and physical energy are limited.
That is precisely why treating relationships based on 'mood' will lead to a dead end.
You need a strategy.
Systems last longer than sheer willpower.

If there is a result you want right now,
it might be faster to address the entry point of your relationships before you try working hard again.

What can you give first?
Information?
Peace of mind?
Or perhaps, a proper 'thank you'?

Just one thing is enough.
Once one thing starts circulating, the cycle changes.

If you'd like,
please leave behind just one thing that you feel you could 'give first' right now.
A short comment is fine.
Even a single word is okay.
(Long texts will just tire you out, after all.)