How Much Does a Smile Cost?

How is everyone doing?
As for me, I continue to live my days with the mindset that earthly desires are enlightenment.

When I was young, I worked various part-time jobs.
One that left an impression was working at the reception desk of a dry cleaner.
I was fired on the very first day.
The reason given was, "Because you don't smile."
It's still burned into my memory.

When I'm working desperately hard, I end up with a straight face.
Smiling is just impossible for me.

Thinking back on it now, I might have been manning the reception desk with the look of a samurai in a life-or-death battle.
I wouldn't want a receptionist like that either.
...Getting fired was probably the right call.

After drifting from job to job, I finally settled into a part-time position at a bookstore.
It seems I was quite good at dealing with books.
I left the smiling to the cashier and focused on silently organizing the shelves.

They say smiles are free in this world, but I wonder what they actually cost.
Most people in the world don't have much resistance or trouble with putting on a smile. (Probably)
In contrast, look at my sorry state.
I feel both pathetic and awkward.

It's not like I didn't try to do anything about it.
I did make an effort to try and smile.
I tried smiling by myself in front of a mirror.
...It just didn't go well.
There is no stock of smiles in my heart.

But it's not like I was always poker-faced during my part-time job at the bookstore.

I am certain that I was smiling when I handed the books customers were looking for to them.
Someone like me, who shouldn't be able to smile...
So, I decided to verify how I could smile spontaneously.

As a result, I came up with two things.
One is when I am able to anticipate and meet a customer's needs.
The other is when I am able to solve a customer's problem.
In other words, a smile appears when I feel like I've "pulled it off."

My smile wasn't free.

I think there are probably two types of smiles: one is a "distributed smile," and the other is a "welling-up smile."
Most people have both, but it seems I don't have the capacity for the distributed kind.

But it wasn't that I couldn't do it.
I was doing it just fine.
The price for it wasn't money, but words of thanks from customers or a sense of accomplishment in my work.
A smile that wells up unconsciously.

I probably still can't be a receptionist who flashes smiles, but if it's a welling-up smile, leave it to me.