The morning I couldn't move despite deciding to go, and the story of my wavering as a parent

A morning when they didn't wake up, even though they had decided to go

A morning when they didn't wake up, even though they had decided to go.

In that moment,
there was a part of me that thought, 'Maybe it really won't work out.'

I know they are trying to start moving forward little by little.

But things don't always go as planned.

The changes in a child who refuses to go to school

are not a straight line.

I feel hopeful, then disappointed,

I want to blame them,

but I don't want to blame them.

There are times

when I waver like that.

Today, I will write about what I thought about on such a morning.

They decided to go, but couldn't move

This spring,

my son, who attends a correspondence high school,

decided to start going to schooling once a week.

The location is the same campus that my daughter also attends.

Since it's a correspondence high school, it's not mandatory, but

he wants to interact with people.

He thinks he can't go on like this.

With those feelings,

I think he decided for himself that he would 'go'.

Since April started, there have been three such days.

One time he couldn't go because of his part-time job.

The other two times, he was scheduled to go.

But he didn't go.

He didn't wake up.

(This is a common occurrence for school refusal, isn't it?)

I do feel disappointed. But I don't want to blame him

Honestly, I feel disappointed.

After all, we had decided that you would go.

I responded to that feeling,

and I've already paid the money.

(My son is repeating a year, so this is his fourth year of high school.)

"Didn't you decide that you were going?"

That's what I think.

But even so,

"Why won't you get up?"

"Why won't you go?"

"Just go."

Even if I say things like that,

when he can't move, he can't move.

I know that, too.

It's not that I want to blame him.

But I also don't think I can just watch silently.

In the midst of this indescribable wavering,

I have been thinking about it for a long time.

"Troublesome" might not be laziness.

Perhaps inside him,

there is also anxiety.

But that's not all.

"I know I should go."

"But it's somehow troublesome."

Things like that

are surely there too.

But lately, I've come to think that this "troublesome" feeling

isn't just laziness.

Not being able to overcome the "troublesome" feeling isn't laziness.
I think it's a state where "you don't have enough strength to overcome it."

Peoplemotivationorenergyorcouragewon't be able to

overcome the "troublesome" feeling unless they are stored up.

This isn't just true for my son, but for me as well.

When you're feeling down,

you can't move even when you know what you should do.

Even the smallest things

feel heavy.

What a parent can do is not to 'make them move'.

That's why I

don't say 'it can't be helped if it's a hassle',

nor do I say 'you're just being lazy'.

I wonder how I should view this“inability to overcome”.

I think about how to look at it.

So, what can a parent do?

Is it to wake them up?

Is it to encourage them?

Is it to leave them alone?

Is it to give them a push?

Perhaps there isn't just one right answer.

It differs from time to time,

and it also changes depending on the other person's state.

That's why it's truly difficult.

But right now, I

am thinking about what kind of interaction will allow my child to build up enough motivation, energy, and courage to overcome that 'hassle'.

Blaming them probably won't build it up.

Even logical arguments won't build it up.

And

just leaving them alone won't necessarily build it up either.

I want to believe in their 'power to move' rather than making them move.

When a child can't move,

I end up thinking about 'how to make them move'.

But perhaps,

it might be more important to 'believe in their power to move' than to 'make them move'.

This child has strength within them.

It's just that right now,

they aren't in a state where they can use it yet.

I still don't really know either,

and there are days when I get lost, worry, and wonder if this is the right way.

Even while thinking,

"I probably shouldn't say this,"

there are times when I say it anyway.

Even so,

rather than just making my child move,

I want to nurture the foundation that will allow them to move under their own power.

That was the kind of morning I had.

A small change in perspective you can make now

If right now,

you are in the same situation,

wanting to say something.

But not wanting to blame them.

Wanting to give them a push.

But you know that just pushing them isn't necessarily the right answer either.

If you are someone who is caught in that kind of wavering,

it is okay if you don't find the perfect thing to say right away today.

Instead, just one thing.

What is it that this child is lacking right now

to overcome this feeling of it being a hassle?

Try looking at it that way.

Reality

doesn't change drastically all at once.

But I believe that when your perspective changes, the words you choose

and the consciousness behind them

also begin to change little by little.