The True Nature of the 'Not Getting Pregnant = Worthlessness' Feeling and Impatience During Fertility Treatment

I am Keiko, a self-actualization and second-career coach.

I myself got married to my current husband at the end of my 37th year.

Because of that, a mysterious sense of impatience emerged, thinking, 'If I don't give birth soon, I will lose my value,' so I started fertility treatment immediately after marriage.

And I worked hard at fertility treatment for three years.

Yes, it wasn't just 'experiencing it,' but the feeling of 'pushing myself to my body's limits.'

I heard that being obsessed was not good, so I pretended not to be obsessed.

I wanted to look closely at websites and books about fertility treatment, but I pretended that I wasn't interested anymore and tried hard not to look at them.

Even after four rounds of in vitro fertilization and one successful implantation, I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks.

At that time, I finally realized my own feelings: 'I like babies, but maybe I don't actually want to raise a child that much myself.'

'I think the problem is that in Japanese society, maternity leave is perceived as time without productivity.'

The belief that 'I have no value!' is directly linked to the fear that 'maybe I have no right to exist.'

Thinking about it now, I realized that the method of embedding a sense of worthlessness, destroying self-confidence, and making people believe 'If you just do this, you'll be fine!' is an effective way to control people.

After finishing fertility treatment and becoming a student at 44, I truly feel that 'it is okay for human values to be diverse.'

Humans can change no matter how old they get.

However, because the brain reacts to the process of accepting that, it often feels fear.

The violent words and assumptions that 'results are everything' also hinder the acceptance of change.

Because you stop noticing that there are other possibilities.

I realized that if you don't notice other possibilities, it is also difficult to 'live fully in the present.'

I, a 44-year-old student, am truly glad that I was able to realize that.

At first glance, the fact that I 'became a student at 44' seems unrelated, but through it, I have become able to notice various values.

(Still a late bloomer)

▪️YouTube 'Second Career Textbook'

▪️Ameblo blog updated daily since I started my business during my divorce proceedings with my ex-husband