In my 50s, I started wanting to 'reset all my social connections'
Recently,
I want to cut off all my human relationships
I've been thinking that more and more.
Even replying to LINE messages feels exhausting.
I feel heavy-hearted even when I'm invited out.
Gatherings that used to be fun in the past
have now become 'tiring places'.
There are days when just looking at social media drains me.
And,
I'm a little surprised at myself for that.
'Was I always this cold-hearted of a person?…'
But actually,
when you reach your 50s,
there are quite a few people who think
that they want to 'reset their social connections'.
Today,
I wrote about the reasons for that.
When I was young, I lived by the 'ability to adapt to others'
In my 20s, 30s, and 40s.
We have always lived by'adapting'to others.
Reading the room
Being considerate of others
Not making waves
Trying not to be disliked
Not disrupting the atmosphere
Women, in particular,
are often expected to maintain 'harmony'.
So,
we smile even when we are actually exhausted.
Even if we actually dislike it,
we keep on being a 'nice person'.
But when you reach your 50s,
both your mind and body
can no longer endure that 'strain'.
It's not that I've 'started to hate people'
This part
is very important.
People who want to reduce their social interactions in their 50s
haven't suddenly become 'cold-hearted'.
It's actually the opposite.
'I just don't want to force myself to fit in anymore'
That's all it is.
When we were young,
even if it was somewhat tough,
we could keep up relationships through sheer momentum.
But in your 50s,
you realize that your energy is finite.
So,
your heart naturally begins to filter things out.
People who make you tired when you meet them
People who try to one-up you
People who only complain
People who constantly negate you
People who impose their 'old version of you' on you
My heart can no longer endure
those kinds of relationships.
"Do I feel energized after meeting this person?"
When you reach your 50s,
your criteria for social relationships change.
When I was young,
profit and loss
social standing
belonging
reading the room
were what kept us connected.
But it's different now.
What my heart seeks
"relationships where I can feel at ease"
is what it's becoming.
Someone I can be with
without having to force myself.
Someone with whom silence isn't painful.
Someone I don't have to put on an act for.
I naturally want to keep only those kinds of relationships.
Actually, it's not that I want to reset my "social life".
Actually, it's
"the version of myself that is forcing things"
Maybe I want to end it.
For so long,
a good mother
a good wife
a good person
someone who can read the room
I have tried my best to be.
But when you reach your 50s, you suddenly hit a limit.
'I'm tired of living a life where I have to accommodate others'
I thought.
In the age of social media, 'other people's lives' flood in too much
It's especially easy to get tired now.
When you open your smartphone,
glittering peers
happy-looking couples
successful people
friends having fun
come flooding in.
Even if you don't want to see them,
other people's lives enter your space.
Then,
your heart wears out without you even realizing it.
In your 50s,
while your sensitivity settles down compared to when you were younger,
“I only want what is truly necessary”
this feeling becomes stronger.
That is why,
you get tired of the noise.
It is not that you want to be lonely, but that you want to be quiet.
This is also easily misunderstood.
People who want to reduce their social interactions
are not seeking loneliness.
Rather,
“I just want to quiet my mind.”
That is all.
You have always been accommodating others,
chasing after information,
and being considerate.
That is why now,
you want to keep a little distance.
That is not running away.
It might be a sign that your heart is telling you,
“If you push yourself any further, you will break.”
sign.
Your 50s are the age when “decluttering human relationships” begins.
I,
think this is natural.
Your 50s are the time when you enter the second half of your life.
That is why your heart,
“what is truly important”
starts to choose.
Unlike when you were young,
you don't need to get along with everyone.
Rather than having wide and shallow connections,
people you can feel secure with
people you can be honest with
people you don't feel exhausted being around
having just a few of these
will make your heart more peaceful.
Finally
If right now,
you are thinking,
'I want to reset all my social connections'.
That is not because
you have become cold-hearted.
On the contrary,
it is proof that
for a long time, you have been too considerate of others.
So now,
'Who makes me feel like my natural self?'
it is okay to prioritize that.
Your 50s
may be the age to graduate from 'a life of conforming to others'
and re-choose 'relationships that make you feel comfortable'.
Perhaps.
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