At the Gates of Heaven, What Is My Score? — The Day of Death, the Last Judgment, and a Life with Unknown Grading Criteria

In a certain story, I heard that the day of death is the "day of life."

Not the day one dies, but the day life begins once more.
Not the day life ends, but the day another world opens up.

Of course, this is a rather poetic interpretation rather than the formal etymology of the word.

However, I like this interpretation a little.
Because it allows us to think of death not as a mere conclusion,
but as a day to look back on the meaning of life.
So, what is this "new world"?

If we are treated favorably in the next world based on how well we lived in this one, then I certainly want to live as well as possible in this life.

I want to be as kind as possible, not hurt others, accumulate virtue, and if possible, be born in the next life into a world with a corner room, good sunlight, and a five-minute walk to the station.

However, a problem arises here.

Who decides the criteria for what it means to have "lived well"?

Is it extra points if you are kind to people?

Is it a deduction if you tell a lie?
But what happens if that lie was told to protect someone?

If you tell the truth and hurt someone,

do you get honesty points, or are you
penalized for a lack of compassion?
When it comes to this, life feels less like a moral exam and more like an entrance exam where the grading criteria are not made public.

Moreover, it is a one-shot deal.

There are no past exam papers.
The interviewer is invisible.
It is quite strict.
That brings to mind the Last Judgment.

In the Last Judgment depicted in Christian art and the like, the dead are resurrected and judged by God.

The good are saved, and the wicked are punished.

It is a very easy-to-understand composition.
However, as modern people, we pause a little here.

What, then, is good?

What is evil?
If God is the judge, how much does that God know about my circumstances?
Does He look only at a momentary act?

Or does He also look at the
loneliness, pain, and environment that led up to it?
If there is a Last Judgment, I would definitely want them to take a long time for the hearing of circumstances.

“It is true that I was angry at that time.”

“But I hadn't slept since the day before.”
“Also, the other person was partly to blame.”
“Of course, I am reflecting on it.”
I feel like I would want to make some very human excuses like that.

However, there is a philosophical problem here.

When we imagine being judged by someone, are we not actually fearing our own eyes before God's?

What is truly scary is not the angel's trumpet, but

when you suddenly look back on your life just before death,
being asked by yourself, “Was that okay?”
In other words, the Last Judgment is not just an event after death; it has already begun while we are living.
We stand before a small judgment every day.

Were you able to be kind to someone?

Did you not abandon those in a weak position?

Did you not wield only convenient justice?
Did you look at your own ugliness without deceiving yourself?
Did you cherish those who are important to you?
Of course, we cannot do it perfectly.
Humans make mistakes easily.

We get jealous.
We show off.
And sometimes, we are surprisingly small-minded.
However, that is precisely why I think "living well" is not about living like a saint.

Living well is,

not about never making mistakes,

but about how you repurpose your life after making a mistake.
Well, it would be better not to make mistakes at all, but...
If you hurt someone, can you apologize?
If you cannot change the past, can you choose a slightly different attitude from now on?

Can you create a world where at least the people within your reach can breathe a little easier, rather than a world where only you are saved?
Perhaps that accumulation is what is asked on the "day of life."

The day of death is not a day to count death,

but a day to remember how that person lived.

And at the same time, it is also a day for us who are left behind
to quietly re-examine how we use our own lives.

I do not know if a new world truly exists.
I do not know if the Last Judgment truly exists.

However, if it does, I think this:
What God looks at is not a life like a resume,
nor how impressive that person was,

but probably something much smaller.
What did you choose when no one was watching?
What kind of face did you turn toward those who were weak?

Did you not use up your life only for yourself?
And if, at the gates of heaven, I am asked, "Did you live well?"
honestly, I do not yet have the confidence to say "yes" with my head held high.

However, at the very least, I want to answer like this:
“I failed quite a bit.

I have excuses.

I have regrets.
But I did try to live as well as I could.”
I want to be a life that can submit at least that much of an answer sheet.