How Quantifying My HSP Traits Changed My Relationship with My Family
Before I knew I was an HSP, I didn't understand why I got exhausted so easily.
So I tried to push through it with sheer willpower and grit. Haha.
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As a child, I was a kid who laughed innocently and acted like a fool.
My father was the complete opposite of me.
He was an architect and a difficult man.
One day, that father of mine developed a mental illness.
As an elementary school student, I didn't understand what mental illness was.
He would yell and lash out at objects, and I was terrified of him.
When I was in the sixth grade, my parents divorced.
**I will absolutely never become a father like that.**
From that day on, building a normal family became my dream.
What is an ideal father?
While searching for that, I learned to cook, do laundry, and handle housework.
I acquired the things my own father lacked, one by one.
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My future self ended up yelling just like the father I hated...
This wasn't how it was supposed to be...
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HSPs have a unique way of getting tired.
I imagine things in my head while doing high-quality work.
I use energy in social interactions.
I react sensitively to even the smallest stimuli.
If I had to compare it to something, it would be Ultraman.
Within a limited amount of time, while sensing the feelings of those around me, I keep putting out more power than others.
But that ability has a time limit.
How much of that time is left,
and how much longer until
the color timer on my chest starts flashing
and I reach my limit
I didn't know back then.
Because when I didn't know I was an HSP, I was measuring things with a "normal scale."
I didn't know how much was accumulated in my heart's cup,
or how much more I could take before my emotions overflowed from the cup.
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I think of myself as a kind and fun father most of the time.
But the moment my heart's cup exceeded its limit,
my emotions would suddenly overflow from the cup,
and I would snap.
Even though I love my family...
Why do I do things like this?
Even though I'm desperately trying to do it right.
I fell into self-loathing, feeling sorry for my family.
But I have to make it up to them.
I have to do something for my beloved family.
I tried anger management.
I cut back on sugar.
I tried mindfulness.
I adjusted my autonomic nervous system with chiropractic care.
But before I knew I was an HSP, I was measuring myself with a "normal scale,"
so I didn't know how much was accumulated in my heart's cup,
or what would cause my emotions to overflow from the cup.
I was just trying too hard, when I should have just let myself rest.
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One day, I saw an article on note by someone who was an HSP.
What is an HSP?
It was just out of curiosity.
But as I read on, it was exactly me.
The problem wasn't the amount of effort.
**It was that I was measuring myself with the scale of the majority.**
That was it.
An HSP's heart cup fills up faster than the majority's.
That's why I have to let myself rest at a timing that suits an HSP.
Because I was measuring that with a normal scale, I couldn't notice my limits.
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At that time, someone told me,
"You can easily make an app if you use AI."
I heard that and tried it out.
The app I made was an "HSP Instruction Manual."
It was really easy to make.
I quantify and record my mental energy and physical energy every day.
I answer the AI's daily questions and get feedback on my actions and feelings.
I made it possible to grasp my own state objectively.
By quantifying it, I became able to be aware of it.
**"How much am I currently drained?"**
became something I could quantify.
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I wasn't the only one who changed.
"Right now, my body is at a 2 out of 5, and my heart is at a 1, so I'm sorry, but I need to rest for 30 minutes."
I became able to say that to my wife.
Until now, I would hold it in until I reached my limit, and my emotions would explode.
But because I have the numbers, I became able to put it into words before reaching my limit.
My wife has also become understanding.
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Now, I take it for granted that my state will have ups and downs, and I'm working on being able to keep it around a 4 out of 5.
Sometimes I cause trouble.
But including that, I've become able to communicate honestly.
**Instead of willpower and grit, by having my own instruction manual, my time with my family has changed.**
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To other HSPs who are suffering from uncontrollable irritation and exhaustion.
You aren't doing this because you want to.
You are not weak.
I also know that you are earnest.
You don't have to try so hard anymore.
Just measure yourself by your own standards,
and let your tired self rest.
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Sakusaku | Coach for HSPs evolving into High-Spec Persons