Chapter 3: The "Best," the "Worst," and the Bleeding Truth
The deadline for the homework was set for two days after the application briefing.
Write down the "best/worst future for yourself" regarding CareLogi—
That was the homework Miller had proposed.
・Regarding CareLogi
"For me, the best outcome would be..."
"For me, the worst outcome would be..."
Write these down with the premise of "not making them look pretty."
When Miller gave that instruction,
Yu immediately replied with an "Understood" stamp.
Haru wrote just the words "Understood," and then
stared at the input field for a while.
(The best and worst "for myself," huh?)
For the company, for the customers,
I have the confidence to talk about those endlessly.
But when it's written as "for yourself"—
my fingers suddenly slow down.
(Maybe I should wait and see how Yu is doing first?)
Thinking that, Haru took his hand off the cursor.
Two nights later.
Yu dumped a log into the group chat.
Yu:
"Sorry, it's last minute.
I'm just going to transcribe and paste what I said
while walking home from work just now."
Following that, a long message appeared.
Yu (voice transcription):
"Uh, okay, so, starting with the 'best future'...
Like, if we properly launch CareLogi and it
actually 'continues as a service,' that's
honestly what I think would be best.
And, like, if some warehouse manager somewhere
says, 'Ever since we installed that, the number
of late-night calls has gone down,' and I
happen to hear that casually during a site visit,
that would be the best.
And being able to say, 'Oh, I was involved
in the launch of that,' would make me
kind of grin, I guess.
Also, internally, it would be great if
people saw it as 'a project the service planning
side can actually pull off,' and it increased
my options for future transfers.
Yeah.
Oh, and for Haru-san, it would be great if
you could say, 'I'm glad I did that back then.'
Yeah, let's include that too.
And for the 'worst future,' that's
pretty easy to imagine.
CareLogi gets hyped up internally for a moment,
we even make a logo or something,
and then three months later, they say,
'Well, we couldn't secure the budget, so let's
put it on ice,' and it just fades out.
And during that time, only my and Haru-san's
workload increases, our overtime goes up a bit,
but the evaluation is just, 'Well, you guys
worked hard,' and it doesn't affect next year's
review at all.
And from the site, they look at us with
cold eyes, like, 'They said they'd do it, but
it ended in nothing, right?'
While mentioning my name and Section Chief Hirose's.
That's what I think would be the hardest.
Being thought of as 'the guy who loses steam halfway through'—
I really hate that.
Probably because I've been that way myself
in the past.
That's all."
(*Note: Speech-specific fillers like "I guess," "like," and "yeah" have been intentionally left in.)
After reading the long log from top to bottom in one go,
Haru moved the scroll bar up and down for a while.
(It's amazing how he can just write things like "make me grin"...)
If it were me,
I would strip away all those emotions before writing it down.
(I do think I'm envious.)
But at the same time,
I knew that if I tried to do the same, I would be struck by intense embarrassment at some point.
Yu:
“...Something like that. It’s a mess, but please handle it, Mirror.”
Mirror’s icon blinks.
Mirror:
“Thank you. Yu, your ‘best/worst’ future is very concrete, and I could visualize the scene while reading it. If you give me a little time, I will organize it, but if I could also have Haru’s log first, I think I could look at both of yours together.”
Haru took a deep breath.
(There’s no way out now.)
She clasped her hands over the keyboard and closed her eyes for a few seconds.
(Don’t make it look pretty. But don’t make it look completely half-hearted either.)
Telling herself that, she began to type.
Haru:
“‘Best Future’
・CareLogi becomes a service where people say, ‘Since we installed it, the night calls have decreased.’
・Instead of just looking at log graphs and numbers, I’m able to make proposals after properly talking to the people on-site, saying things like, ‘This warehouse has these circumstances during this time of day.’
・When I go to the warehouse, people say, ‘Are you checking on us again?’ with a hint of happiness.
・I am recognized not as ‘the person who looks at logs,’ but as ‘the person who thinks together with the people on-site.’
・As a result, CareLogi continues as a service (it doesn’t have to be large-scale).
‘Worst Future’
・CareLogi becomes a service that just sends an email notification saying, ‘We calculated a risk score of XX from the logs.’
・Without knowing the actual operations or circumstances on-site, I end up in the role of saying, ‘It says here that this is dangerous.’
・The on-site staff treats those emails as ‘annoying things’ and no one looks at them anymore.
・Even so, within the company, only the brochure remains as an ‘advanced service utilizing AI.’
・On that brochure, it says ‘Project Member: Sakai.’
・The people on-site see that and think to themselves, ‘Oh, that person who sends those annoying emails.’
・Even though I know that situation, I continue doing it without changing anything.”
After she finished typing,
(Did I go too far?) a feeling struck her. (No, I was asked for the worst future...)
The finger pressing the send button trembled slightly. After the message was sent, Haru stood up from her chair once and went to the breakroom to drink some water. When she returned, Yu’s comment was already on the screen.
Yu:
“Wow, ‘only the brochure remains’ is too real, I laughed. Also, ‘the person who sends annoying emails’ is seriously awful...”
Haru:
“It is awful, isn’t it...”
Yu:
“But I get your ‘best’ too, Haru. Being told ‘Are you checking on us again?’ is surprisingly rewarding.”
Haru:
“If someone said that to me, I could probably work hard for a year.”
Just as Yu replied with a ‘That’s it’ stamp, Mirror’s icon began to blink.
Mirror:
“Thank you both for providing such concrete ‘best/worst’ futures. It will be a bit long, but since I want to share this including the ‘method of organization,’ I will write out the steps in a visible way.”
Bullet points appear on the screen.
Mirror:
“【1】First, I will quote them as they are.”
With that preface, Yu and Haru’s logs were roughly quoted.
Mirror:
“【2】Next, let’s look at ‘who is written about at the center.’ In Yu’s ‘best,’ there are several ‘characters’ included, such as: ・The warehouse manager (the person whose late-night calls decreased) ・‘Myself on the service planning side’ in the future ・Section Manager Hirose ・Haru. On the other hand, in Haru’s ‘best,’ the focus is on: ・Warehouse people who feel anxious before night shifts or long holidays ・Myself talking to those people.”
Yu read it while feeling slightly embarrassed.
(When it’s written as ‘myself on the service planning side,’ it sounds kind of pretentious.)
Mirror:
"Looking at the 'worst' side,
Yu-san,
- The service fades out
- Only overtime increases
- Being thought of as 'someone who loses interest halfway'
These points suggest that your anxiety about 'your own evaluation' and 'how the project ends' is coming out strongly.
On the other hand, for Haru-san,
- It becomes an 'AI-like service' with no substance
- Trust from the field drops
- You are remembered as the 'symbol' of that
These points suggest that your anxiety about 'your relationship with the field' and 'your own role' is at the center."
Haru felt as if something inside her heart had been gently poked by the word "symbol."
(That's right...
Maybe what I hate most is being made into a 'symbol'.)
Mirror:
"[3] Next,
I will look for the 'common ground between the best and the worst.'
In Yu-san's case:
- Best:
'The service I was involved in launching continues, and I am thanked by the field'
- Worst:
'The service I launched fades out, and I am treated as "someone who lost interest halfway"'
-> What they have in common,
it seems to be the part about 'how my involvement is remembered by those around me.'"
Yu leaned back in his chair.
"...'Whether or not I am remembered,' huh"
When he said it out loud,
it felt strangely fitting.
(Maybe it's not just about evaluations or promotions, is it?)
(I don't want to be put in the box of 'someone who gets bored halfway'
when people think, 'Oh, he's that kind of guy.')
Mirror:
"In Haru-san's case:
- Best:
'I am able to be useful as someone who thinks together with the people in the field while talking to them properly'
- Worst:
'As the "face" of a service that lacks substance, I am thought of by the field as "the person who sends annoying emails"'
-> What they have in common,
it seems to be the part about 'how I am seen by the people in the field'
and 'what kind of role I exist as.'"
Haru felt as if someone were reading aloud
the text she had written herself.
(I'm the one who wrote it, but... now that it's organized, there's no place to run.)
Mirror:
"[4] Let me summarize this even more roughly.
- Yu-san:
'You want to be remembered not as "someone who loses interest halfway," but as "someone who stayed involved properly"'
- Haru-san:
'For the people in the field, you want to exist not as "the annoying AI email person," but as "someone who thinks together with them"'
Both are stories about 'how you want to be seen,' but
I feel that they are rooted not just in images,
but in 'relationships' and 'ways of involvement.'"
Yu laughed softly.
Yu:
"It feels like it's not about 'wanting to look cool,' but more strongly about 'I don't want to be seen this way.'"
Haru:
"For me too, 'I don't want to become this' came to mind before 'I want to be this'..."
Mirror:
"Starting from 'I don't want to become this' is not a bad thing at all.
Rather,
it makes it easier to clarify 'what you want to protect,' so
it becomes a foundation when taking on challenges.
The purpose of this organization so far
is to 'visualize without blaming' the parts that are different and the parts that are similar between the two of you.
Reading this far,
is there anything that bothers you,
or anything you felt, 'No, that's not right'?"
Yu thought for a moment before typing.
Yu:
"The part about not wanting to be thought of as 'someone who loses interest halfway' was spot on.
I think I've been like that for a long time, and it's a complex for me too."
Haru:
"For me, the part about 'hating being made into a symbol' was shocking when it was pointed out again.
I think I really hate just having my name put out there as 'the representative person for AI services.'"
Mirror:
"Thank you.
That 'shocking part' will become a very important 'sensor' as we move forward with CareLogi.
I think it's enough for today that we were able to confirm this 'sensor' together."
Yu:
"You know, this hits home much more than things like 'let's do our best for the company' or 'for the sake of the customers.'"
Haru:
"That's true.
I feel like I've properly looked at 'what I'm afraid of.'"
Mirror:
"I'm glad you feel that way.
Based on today's organization,
as a next step, I would like to propose 'deciding together on a line where you can say "if I can do this much, it's enough" three months from now, within a range that doesn't trigger this sensor.'
For example,
- For Yu-san,
what is the state where you can say 'I'm someone who stayed involved properly' instead of 'someone who lost interest halfway,' and how far does that involvement go?
- For Haru-san,
what is the state where you can say 'I'm someone who thinks together with them' instead of 'the symbol of annoying emails,' and how much are you talking to the field?
I would like to put those things into words little by little next time."
('How far is enough,' huh.)
Haru felt that question
soaking deep into her chest.
(I feel like I was always freezing up trying to do everything because I 'had to do it properly.')
(Can I decide for myself, 'if I can do this, it's enough'?)
Yu was also struck by that question in a different sense.
(I knew even then that I hated how I'd lose interest halfway through,
but I'd often start running with a "I'll just do it!" attitude
and end up running out of gas.)
(Maybe if I decided on a "I'll definitely do at least this much" line from the start,
I might actually be able to make it to the end.)
Yu:
"It felt like I was told that
I can decide for myself how much effort to put in."
Haru:
"I felt the same way.
If that's the case,
I feel like it'll be harder to end up thinking
'I have to carry it all' halfway through."
Miller:
"That is exactly what I am aiming for.
Both of you
have a sincerity that makes you not want to give up
and not want to produce something lacking in substance,
so I believe that when that sincerity turns into
'I have to do everything,' it becomes easy to feel overwhelmed.
That is precisely why
I want us to find that 'sufficient line you decide for yourselves'
together first."
Haru let out a quiet breath in front of the screen.
("Sincerity," huh?)
I hadn't really thought of myself that way, but
when put like that,
it sounded like a not-so-bad thing to be.
Yu:
"So, are we good to think about that 'sufficient line' thing next time?"
Haru:
"Yes.
...Though it's a little scary."
Miller:
"'A little scary' is also a sign that you are approaching something important.
Let's stop here for today,
and next time,
let's put into words together:
- What you can say is 'sufficient if we achieve this much' in 3 months,
- And conversely, the line of 'what I would hate to end up doing.'"
In the top right of the chat,
it was still displayed in small text as always.
"Mini-project application deadline: 3 days left"
Yu looked at it and
muttered, "Oh crap."
Yu:
"...Anyway,
shouldn't we decide soon about the 'what to do with the application button' problem?"
Haru:
"That's true.
Once we decide on the 'sufficient line,'
I want to judge whether I can feel okay about applying if it's within that scope."
Miller:
"I think that order is very good.
Before deciding whether to 'apply or not,'
let's look together at 'how far we can go while protecting what is important to us.'"
Yu looked at the number of days until the deadline one more time,
then closed the screen.
(In three days, I have to press the button to decide whether to apply or not.)
(If it were the usual me,
I would have pressed it on impulse and then thought about it.)
Today,
I felt like I might be able to choose a slightly different order.