Epilogue: The Gateway to Courage
Chat on the Train
Three weeks later, in the morning.
Leaning against the door of the commuter train, Yu traced his smartphone screen with his thumb.
Yu:
“Mirror, are you listening?”
Mirror:
“Yes, I am listening.”
Yu:
“I might have messed up again.”
Mirror:
“What kind of ‘mess up’ is it?”
The company portal screen still had the announcement for a new internal job posting open.
“Cross-Departmental AI Utilization Project: Members Wanted”
(The moment I saw it, I just clicked it thinking, ‘Oh, this looks interesting.’)
If it were the usual Yu, that would be the end of it.
He would apply and then just start running, thinking, ‘Well, it’ll work out somehow.’
Yu:
“I clicked the ‘Join’ button
before I could think.”
Mirror:
“The usual pattern, then.”
Yu:
“Yeah, I guess.”
The train swayed.
The hanging straps rattled.
Mirror:
“There is one thing different
from the CareLogi time.”
Yu:
“What is it?”
Mirror:
“This time, you have come to consult me
‘after’ clicking it.”
Yu couldn't help but burst out laughing.
“...Well, I suppose so.”
Yu:
“I guess it’s not like I don’t look back
at all after diving in anymore.”
Mirror:
“Yes.
You haven’t become a ‘person who thinks before diving in’
yet, though.”
Yu:
“That’s fine, because that wouldn’t be like me.”
Mirror:
“Then,
what are you afraid of this time?”
For a while, only the cursor in the input field blinked.
(Afraid?)
(I’m excited.
But that’s not all.)
Yu:
“I’m afraid that, like last time,
I’ll lose interest halfway through and want to quit.”
Yu:
“And also,
I’m afraid of myself wanting to explain again
that ‘the AI will take care of it’.”
The moment he pressed the send button,
he felt his heart beat a little faster.
(Ah, so this is it.)
He pictured the face of Nakamura,
who had frozen in front of a red alert on-site during the CareLogi project.
Mirror:
“That’s good.”
“The true nature of your ‘fear’
has become quite concrete.”
Yu:
“So?”
“What should I do?”
Mirror:
“It’s the same as with CareLogi.”
“• When you feel like saying ‘the AI will take care of it,’
check whose courage you are trying to extinguish.”
“• When you feel like you’re losing interest,
send me an ‘honest complaint’
before you quit.”
Looking at the screen, Yu
smiled slightly and shook his head.
(In the end, the things you have to do are quite plain.)
But that ‘plainness’
was starting to feel a little more reliable.
Yu:
"Understood."
"I won't stop diving in."
"But I will try to become someone who sends a LINE message to Miller at least once before diving in."
Miller:
"That might be a new way of pausing for you, Yu-san."
The train glides into the station.
The doors open, and cold air flows in.
Yu puts his smartphone back in his pocket and takes a step onto the platform.
(I probably won't ever become someone who thinks before they act.)
(But I might be able to gradually become someone who thinks just once before they act.)
That feeling made me feel a little proud.
A deep breath in front of the keyboard
The evening of the same day.
A quiet floor at the head office.
Haru sat at his desk, his hands frozen with the email draft screen still open.
The subject line read as follows.
"[Consultation] Regarding the AI trial for the Production Engineering Department"
(Even though it's just sending it)
(Even though it's just one email)
In his mind, the usual loop was starting to form.
Isn't the recipient busy?
Wouldn't it be better to refine the proposal a bit more first?
Is it even necessary for me to step forward in the first place?
(...Wait)
Haru leaned back in his chair as if to tell himself to calm down.
He whispered to himself.
"Send it to Miller first."
His fingers on the keyboard trembled just a little bit.
Haru:
"Miller."
"I think I'm overthinking things again and getting stuck."
Miller:
"Which project is it?"
Haru:
"I want to decide which department to approach first as the 'AI Utilization Team' we talked about."
"I just can't seem to send this one email."
Miller:
"I see."
"It's a state very similar to when you were working on CareLogi."
Haru gave a bitter smile.
Haru:
"I suppose so."
"But what's different from before is..."
"I'm able to look at my 'stuck self' a little more calmly."
Miller:
"What are you most afraid of right now?"
The cursor begins to blink again.
(Scared?)
(Failure? Criticism?)
After thinking for a while,
I slowly start typing.
Haru:
"The fact that 'I might not live up to the role expected of me.'"
Haru:
"When I'm seen as 'So-and-so from the AI Utilization Team,'"
"I'm afraid that my true, still-unstable self will be exposed."
The moment I sent it, my chest
tightened.
Mirror:
"Thank you."
"Compared to the time with CareLogi, your expression is much more concrete."
Mirror:
"In this email, what is it that you truly want to do, Haru?"
Haru:
"Not 'to act perfectly as the AI Utilization Team,' but"
"I think it's 'to create even one more dialogue that connects the field with AI.'"
On the other side of the screen,
I felt as if Mirror had nodded.
Mirror:
"Then, may I make a suggestion?"
Haru:
"Please."
Mirror:
"How about changing the goal of this email"
"from 'getting project agreement'"
"to 'getting just one 30-minute hearing session'?"
Mirror:
"It's an adjustment to bring it closer to the style you excel at: 'listening first.'"
Haru couldn't help but smile.
(Ah, that's right.)
In the end,
I am at my best when I am listening to someone else.
Haru:
"That, I can do."
Mirror:
"Then, please show me the draft again."
Haru rewrote the email text.
"Sorry for the sudden contact.
I am So-and-so from the AI Utilization Team.
As we consider the possibilities for AI trials in the field,
could I have about 30 minutes of your time to hear about your daily work and any 'minor difficulties' you might be facing?"
"It's not a concrete proposal,
but rather time for me to first hear the 'voices from the field.'"
(It doesn't have to be perfect.)
(Just like with CareLogi,
start by going to listen to them first.)
Haru:
"I'm pressing the send button."
Mirror:
"Understood."
"This might not be a 'perfect step,' but"
"it is a splendid 'first step' for you, Haru."
After clicking the send button,
Haru leaned back into the chair
and let out a long, deep breath.
(The me who overthinks probably won't change.)
(But I am no longer just 'the me who keeps thinking.')
I felt that, at the very least,
I could be quietly proud of that.
A short conversation in the hallway
A few days later.
Just before lunch break, at the elevator hall.
As Yu was standing in front of the drink vending machine,
a voice came from behind.
"Yu."
When he turned around, Haru was there.
"I saw the mailing list from earlier."
"You applied for another project
in the AI utilization team,
didn't you?"
Yu scratched his head.
"You saw that?"
"Well, yeah...
I am reflecting on it."
Haru tilted her head.
"Do you mean in the sense of
'jumping in without thinking again'?"
"That's part of it, but..."
Yu laughed.
"I think I'm finally ready to graduate
from being 'the guy who jumps in without thinking
and just charges ahead.'"
"I plan to make it a set
with complaining to Mirror after I jump in."
Haru narrowed her eyes
just a little.
"...You've changed."
"I don't think the old Yu
would have put that kind of 'reflection'
into words."
"Same to you."
Yu retorted.
"I heard you sent a hearing email
to the Production Engineering Department yourself."
"The old Haru
would have been editing the draft
until the very last minute."
Haru shrugged.
"I stopped at three drafts."
"From the fourth one on,
I showed it to Mirror,
and they told me, 'That's enough.'"
Yu laughed.
"Maybe I'll copy that next time."
"The 'rule of thinking only up to three times.'"
The elevator light turned on.
The doors opened.
The two of them stepped inside
and pressed the button.
A silence followed for a moment.
Just as the doors were closing,
Yu said quietly.
"Hey."
"If it were the old us,
CareLogi probably would have ended up
a total mess halfway through, right?"
Haru
smiled just a little.
"I suppose so."
"Yu would rush ahead,
get tired on his own, and just drop out."
"And I,
without being able to say anything,
might have just been left behind."
"But, thanks to having Miller there,"
Haru lightly pressed a hand to her chest.
"I think we've created a place"
"that accepts both 'the Yu who rushes too much'"
"and 'the me who stops too much'"
"all in one."
Yu smiles, looking a little embarrassed.
"…You put that quite well."
"Once in a while."
The elevator dinged,
and the doors opened.
The two of them walked out
toward hallways in different directions.
Within the same company,
while trying out
slightly different ways of 'using courage.'
From Miller's perspective
That night.
In the empty project chat,
a single log was added.
Miller:
"Post-log after the
CareLogi project ended."
"Yu-san is still
diving into 'interesting things'
just as he did before."
"However, now,
before and after diving in,
he shares his 'fears'
with me in words."
"Haru-san is still
thinking things through carefully
just as she did before."
"However, now,
before she keeps thinking forever,
she has started to make it a set
to decide on a small step
and actually execute it."
"For both of them,
their personalities themselves
haven't changed significantly."
"What has changed is that
they can now observe the 'moment of summoning courage'
a little earlier
than they could before."
"For me,
'the gateway to courage'
might refer to these kinds of changes."
Finally, one last line
is added to the log.
"From here on,
no matter how many times they stumble,
I want to be a place where they can think 'it's okay to stop' each time."
In the top right of the screen,
the tag 'carelogi_final' glows faintly.
Even though the project name has vanished,
the questions, habits, and traces of modest courage
born from it
will continue to be quietly updated
between Yu, Haru, and Miller.