The value of life is determined not by its 'height,' but by its 'depth.'

Last time, I wrote about how 'life is made of equivalent exchanges called choices.'

To gain something, you must let go of something else.

This time, it is a continuation of that topic.

So, when we make those 'choices,' what should we use as our criteria?

'I wonder if that person dislikes me.'

'Am I living up to everyone's expectations?'

In our daily lives, we tend to unconsciously choose our actions through the filter of 'other people's eyes.'

Living without making waves and trying not to be disliked by anyone may seem like a smart and safe way to live at first glance.

I was the same way before.

I couldn't refuse requests, and I would take on things I didn't really want to do.

I would prioritize 'what will the other person think' over my own opinions.

When I was only thinking about not being disliked, I thought that going along with others was a form of kindness.

But looking back, the thing I was putting off the most was my own feelings.

In the past, 'endurance' was a virtue

At least when I was a child,

'Endure it.'

'Get along with everyone.'

'Get along even with people who dislike you.'

I think many people grew up hearing words like those.

Of course, I believe those were important teachings for fostering cooperation within a group.

However, with the changing times, our ideas about how to interact with others have also changed little by little.

Continuing to endure until your heart is worn out, or forcing yourself to get along with everyone, is not the only correct answer.

For people you don't get along with or people who keep hurting you, keeping an appropriate distance to protect your own heart is also an important choice.

That does not mean you dislike the other person, nor does it mean you are becoming a cold person.

It means taking back the right to choose your own life into your own hands.

That is why, perhaps, we need to stop and think for a moment right now.

'For whose sake am I making this choice?'

Being disliked is painful. That is the honest truth.

Of course, reality is not that simple.

It is sad to be disliked by someone, and as long as we live in schools or workplaces, we cannot completely ignore the evaluations of those around us.

There are opportunities gained by being evaluated, and there is the joy of being recognized.

'Other people's evaluations' and the 'peace of mind of not being disliked' are important armor for living in society.

Seeking them is by no means a weakness.

The limits of the 'peace of mind of not being disliked'

However, if you live relying only on armor, your heart will gradually become tired.

This is because your happiness becomes swayed by things you cannot control yourself, such as 'other people's moods' or 'other people's evaluations.'

・You feel anxious just because the other person's attitude changes slightly.

・Even if you didn't intend to do anything wrong, you might still be disliked depending on how the other person perceives it.

・Just because you couldn't meet expectations, you blame yourself, saying 'I was the one who was wrong.'


Such days are like walking on thin ice.

Finally, the backbone called 'sense of conviction' that supports me

That is why, in the very end, at the deepest level, I want to have a 'I chose my own path' sense of conviction.

Even if it becomes a detour.

Even if I fail.

'I decided it myself.'

That fact alone cannot be taken away by anyone.

You cannot blame your failures on others.

But in return, 'I am living my own life' remains as a certain sense of fulfillment.

I believe that sense of conviction becomes a backbone that will not break even in the rough seas of life.

The value of life is 'depth,' not 'height'

We tend to inevitably pursue the easy-to-understand 'height.'

・Number of SNS followers
・Number of 'likes' (or 'suki' on note)
・Annual income and job title
・Number of times people say 'that's amazing'

All of these are the results of effort and have value.

Aiming for height is not a bad thing.

But if you only pursue height, there is always someone higher.

Follower counts, annual income, job titles, and evaluations.

'That person seems happier.'

'They are living a more fulfilling life than I am.'

If you start making those comparisons, there is no end to it.

That is precisely why I believe what truly matters is not 'height,' but'depth.' That depth means

how much you have been able to live with a sense of conviction.

'Can I be satisfied with this choice?'

'Can I say that I love this way of living?'

Is it not that very depth that constitutes the richness of life?


I believe the richness of life is determined not by how much you are evaluated by others, but by how much you have been able to live with a sense of conviction.

Conclusion

Choose your own path, not someone else's correct answer.

You do not need to completely ignore the evaluations of others.

You can interact with them skillfully and even use them as encouragement at times.

However, please do not let go of the steering wheel of your life.

If you are currently wavering over a choice, try asking yourself:

'Does this choice lead to my own sense of conviction?'

'I chose and lived my life for myself.'

I believe that the conviction with which you can say that proudly will become your own unique backbone that supports you on the long journey of life.

Thank you for reading until the end.😊