What to do when you're exhausted from being caught between your boss and your subordinates. How to talk to make workplace relationships easier

“My boss's instructions and my subordinate's opinions are conflicting.”
“I don't know whose side I should be on.”

When such a situation continues, you are the only one who gradually becomes exhausted.
The first thing I want to tell you is that this is not your fault.

Most cases of being caught in the middle are not caused by relationship problems, but by gaps in information or expectations.
In this article, I will share specific ways of thinking and speaking to help you act as a workplace coordinator while reducing your exhaustion.

💡 This article is a cluster article for “Relationships in your 30s. A guide to organizing your life to maintain comfortable distances with important people”.

If you are interested in the complete guide to organizing relationships in your 30s, please also take a look at this article.

Stop looking at it as “whose side are you on”

The biggest reason why being caught in the middle is tiring is that you are trying to judge “which one is correct.”

As long as you stand from that perspective, you will be exhausted no matter which one you choose.

What I want you to switch to is the question, “What is most necessary for this project right now?”
Don't be the one who decides the winner, but be the one who helps set the stage to achieve the goal.
Just having that awareness will significantly change the burden on your heart.

“Organizing information” to avoid being swayed by emotions

In a situation of conflict, various words fly around and emotions are stirred.
What is needed at that time is to separate facts from opinions.

“The deadline has been changed to next week” is a fact.
“That's impossible” is an opinion.

Make it a habit to take notes of what you hear during meetings and dialogues.
Just by writing it down, you can distance yourself a little from the pressure of emotions.

For those who want to learn communication organization techniques systematically, books that deal with how to convey things in the workplace, such as “People Who Lose Out by How They Speak, People Who Gain” (by Tatsunari Iota), are also helpful.

How to speak to set the stage

In situations where coordination is actually needed, it is important to first set the “framework” for the discussion.

“Today's goal is not to criticize each other, but to find a feasible plan together.”
Just by placing this one sentence at the beginning, the atmosphere of the place will change.

Instead of asking “which is correct, Plan A or Plan B,” ask “what is the most important thing to secure right now to move this project forward?”
It is the image of directing the gaze of the two people in conflict toward the issue you have presented.

“Records” protect you

After coordination, there are times when it becomes a back-and-forth argument of “he said, she said.”
The most effective way to prevent this is to leave the decided matters in writing.

Please keep the following three points in mind when recording.

• Who said what and when

• What issue the decision is intended to resolve

• Who will do what by when next

Just by having this habit, your position will change from someone who is swayed by emotions to someone who organizes the situation.

Conclusion

The role of a coordinator is also one that takes on someone else's stress entirely.
To avoid becoming too exhausted, try to take time to reflect on what moved your heart today.

Taking care of yourself is the foundation for continuing to perform well in the workplace for a long time.

👉 Click here for "Relationships in your 30s. A guide to organizing how to maintain a comfortable distance with important people"