Love begins when you stop using a point-deduction system. | For girls who can never seem to get a boyfriend.

Honestly, isn't dating more of a hassle than job hunting?

Getting rejected after the document screening (= LINE exchanges) or failing the interview (= first date).

Reflecting on yourself on the way home, thinking, 'Wait, did I say something that weird?'

And before I knew it, dating had become a 'point-deduction system'.

LINE reply a bit slow? Minus 10 points.
Asked out to dinner but the restaurant was mediocre? Minus 5 points.
Told I'm 'too nice'? (Ah, he's a player) Minus 30 points.

Before you know it, you find you can't like anyone anymore.
To be precise, you're rejecting them before you can even start to like them.

This article is for:

・You have opportunities to meet people, but nothing ever clicks.
・Even when you meet someone on a matching app, it never leads to a second date.

This is a story for girls who have been repeating a grade in the school of love for way too long.

When you use a point-deduction system for dating, even the kindest people get a failing grade.
But that's not because your judgment is bad; it's because the rulebook of love itself is wrong.

After reading this note, these are the changes you will experience↓

Most people who struggle with love aren't unable to choose a good person;they just aren't choosing anyone because they're too busy deducting points.

In this note, I will talk about how I stopped my 'point-deduction habit' and what kind of encounters were waiting for me after that, sharing the reality of both ordinary meetings and matching apps.

While I was telling 100 people 'this person isn't quite right,' my interview skills improved more than my dating skills.

But one day, I realized.

If you're looking for people to reject, you'll never be able to choose anyone forever.
by the Point-Deduction Senior (Me)

To all the girls who have entered the zone where you want a boyfriend but can't get one. Let's get started on making a boyfriend↓

Chapter 1: Women who carry around a scorecard for love

Before I knew it, I was opening an Excel sheet in my head every time I started a romance.
His reply speed, his fashion sense, the tempo of his conversation, our sense of humor.

……No, wait, since when did love become an audit?

I used to be like that too.
The moment I thought, "He's using casual speech too soon" upon meeting him, I was already calculating his romantic deviation score.

Back then, I wasn't so much in love as I was an interviewer. And the type from a super exploitative company, at that.

For example, even if I started to like a coworker, I'd think, "He's good at his job, but his texts are cold," or "He's kind, but he's a bit short,"

and I'd find one thing to deduct points for.

Before I could even fall in love, I'd shove them into a "pending" folder, and before I knew it, I couldn't feel anything for anyone.

When it comes to matching apps, this evolves even further. Because the profiles have all the ingredients laid out from the start.

Education, occupation, annual income, height, hobbies.

It's like a screen for checking the answers to a romance.
My swiping finger was like a human resources checkmark.

……While looking at all that, I wasn't looking at the person, I was looking at the data.

I didn't want to be told I had "high standards," so I wanted to show off that I was someone who looked at reality.

But the truth was different.
I just didn't want to fail.

I was scared of getting hurt by thinking, "Maybe this person wasn't the one," so I just gave them negative points early on to keep a safe distance.

Love isn't a game of finding a passing grade, but before I knew it, I was looking for "someone I wouldn't have to deduct points from."

But if you think about it calmly, isn't that scary?

Because there is no such thing as a person you don't deduct points from.
Even if there were, that wouldn't be a human, but a composite of ideals.

The funny thing is, the people who say they have "high standards" aren't actually looking for a high score, they're looking for someone who won't lose points.
That's why if something is even slightly off, they end it with, "Ah, maybe not."

Before love even begins, you end it yourself.

And then you realize.
The "deduction method" in dating seems harsh on others, but it's actually kind to yourself.

Every time you reject someone, you get to think, "My judgment is correct."

But on the flip side, it's also a perfect defense system that lets you avoid seeing "a version of yourself that wasn't chosen by anyone."

The fatigue from swiping on dating apps is actually a state where "you've deducted so many points from people that your emotions have worn thin."

Your heart is working too hard, like a job. And it's unpaid, too.

Take a mental note here.

"Deduction-based love" is armor to protect yourself.
But love is something that, by nature, can only be done unarmed.

Chapter 2: The day love changed from deduction to addition

To be honest, I was incredibly tired that day.
On the way home after ending things with three people in a row on a dating app, thinking, "Hmm, maybe not."

"Why do I have to try so hard at love?" I thought, looking up at the ceiling while eating ice cream.

Before I knew it, the movement of my finger opening the app had become a chore.
Even when I swiped right, no excitement welled up.
Even when I swiped left, I didn't even feel guilty.

It was less like love and more like a silent part-time job.
Zero reward, zero sense of accomplishment.

That was when I suddenly thought, "Why am I so harsh on everyone?"
It wasn't that everyone was a bad person.
I was just drawing lines and deciding "this person isn't right" simply because they weren't perfect.

And here is the turning point.

One day, I went out for a meal with a male friend I hadn't seen in a while.
He wasn't a romantic interest, but while talking, I realized, "Oh, I'm actually laughing a bit while being with this person."

The old me would have immediately deducted points and ended it, thinking things like, "His fashion sense is questionable" or "He's a bit sloppy with how he pays for dinner."

But for some reason that day, I noticed the positives, like,
"This person actually laughs at my silly stories."

It felt surprisingly comfortable, even to me.

Even though it wasn't the 'ideal criteria' written in love textbooks, for some reason, my heart felt lighter just by adding a small point for the fact that today was a little bit fun.

On the other hand, there are matching apps.

Honestly, when I meet someone on an app, I unconsciously think, 'How many points is this person worth?'

But one day, a person I matched with wrote 'late-night ramen tours' in their 'hobbies' section.
Thinking, '(Wait, where did your health consciousness go?)', I was somehow intrigued and decided to meet them.

As a result, my first impression was, 'Huh, they look different from their photo.'
If I were using a point-deduction system, they would have been disqualified immediately.

But while we were talking, seeing them talk so happily about the 'differences in soup at delicious ramen shops,' I realized I was laughing along with them.

In that moment, I thought, 'Looks and conditions don't matter at all.'

It was the first time I closed my mental notebook of deductions and thought, 'This person might be interesting.'

I think love is less about 'finding the perfect person' and more about 'the ability not to overlook the little good things.'

From the day I realized that, the bar for love in my life dropped significantly.

For example, even if a LINE reply is a bit slow, I've come to think, 'Well, the emoji is cute, so it's fine,' and
even if the restaurant for a date is mediocre, I've been able to think, 'The time we spent laughing together was fun.'

This isn't about being lenient.

It's just realistic kindness.
Not toward the other person, but toward myself.

A point-deduction style of love is actually the kind of love that is hardest on yourself, isn't it?

You're cornering yourself by thinking, 'I have to have a good romance' or 'I can't fail.'

But when you switch to a point-addition system, love becomes like an experiment.

If you can laugh a little, it's a success; if you think you want to see them again, it's a huge success.

That's enough.

I think people who are good at love aren't necessarily those who meet many people or are lucky, but rather 'people who have a perspective of adding points.'

Even if things are awkward on a first date, they are people who can think, 'But their nervousness was cute,' or 'That silence felt kind.'

When I was using a point-deduction system, I wondered, 'Why does it work out for everyone else?' but now I understand.

People who succeed are good at picking up on the good points.

 Love isn't about scoring; it's about 'how many moments of shared laughter you can collect'.

Chapter 3: The Story of How Love Started Growing on Its Own Once I Switched to an Addition-Based Approach

Since I stopped using a deduction-based approach, I've been like a former perfectionist student in the middle of romantic rehabilitation.

From the day I tore up my 'ideal conditions notebook' and started sticking on 'this is pretty fun' sticky notes, the difficulty level of love dropped instantly.

■ Love is more about 'feeling relaxed' than 'being on the same wavelength'

One day, I went out for a meal with someone I met through a colleague's introduction.
That day, my hair was a frizzy mess from the humidity, my eyeliner had vanished, and I thought, 'There's no way I'm in romantic mode today.'

But he looked at me and said, 'Your hair is all fluffy today, you look like a puppy, it's cute.'

Wait, like a puppy? No, is he complimenting me? Is he making fun of me?

I didn't get it for a second, but for some reason, that one comment made me let my guard down.

If I were still using a deduction-based approach, I would have thought, 'His way of complimenting my appearance is questionable. Minus 5 points.'

But at that moment, I just laughed and thought, 'This feels easygoing and nice.'

Maybe in love, a 'chuckle' is more important than a 'heart-throb'.
Of course, you need the heart-throb to make it love, but it's also important to start with the chuckle.

More than being on the same wavelength, it's about being able to relax.
In that moment, a small sprout of love appears.

■ Even on dating apps, 'atmosphere' is more important than 'conditions'

And then there are matching apps.

Before, I would look at profiles and go:
'Height under 170cm' -> Skip immediately.
'Annual income not disclosed' -> Hmm, pass.
'First date cost: split the bill' -> Yeah, done.

……Thinking about it now, who did I think I was, a HR manager?

But after I switched to a point-addition system, I started agreeing to meet people just because I thought, 'Hey, this person's self-introduction is actually kind of interesting.'

When we actually met, he came running at full speed to our meeting spot, saying, 'I'm so sorry, I took the wrong turn!' That look was so cute that I retracted the (-5 points for being late) and changed it to (+30 points for giving it his all).

On the way home, I naturally felt like, 'I wouldn't mind seeing him again.'

Somehow, just by changing the criteria for judging love, the world looks a little bit kinder.

■ Common traits of 'deduction-style' women with zero romantic immunity

By the way, it's a common thing for people who have been using the deduction system for a long time: once you switch to addition mode, you fall into symptoms that feel like love just by being treated a little kindly.

For example,

He held the door open for me → 'Wow, he was raised well...'

I got a text after the date saying 'I had a great time!' → 'Wait, is this destiny...?'

......The bill for skipping out on 'love muscle training' comes due. Zero romantic immunity.

But that's okay. That's how it is at first.

Don't make fun of yourself for falling in love easily; just think, 'Yeah, this is proof that I'm alive.'

■ Instead of thinking 'I love him,' 'I want to see him again' is enough

What I realized after switching to the point-addition system is that love is a accumulation of 'small, continuous additions' rather than a '100-point moment.'

That's how the 'I wouldn't mind seeing him again, I want to see him again' moments increase.

And before I knew it, I 'had a boyfriend.'

It's closer to saying it just continued before I realized it, rather than saying I 'got' one. That's how love is made.

■ It's okay to burn your love scorecard

Honestly, back when I kept using the deduction method, I ended up hating myself every time I fell in love.

Thinking, "Why do things never work out for me?"

But now, I can think, "Well, I lived another day, so that's good enough."

Love isn't a place to prove your perfection.
It's a place to show your humanity.

If you can forgive the fact that the other person isn't perfect—even if their texts are curt or they don't laugh at your jokes—you can start to believe that you don't have to be perfect either.

Love based on the deduction method seems like you're grading the other person, but you're actually blaming yourself.

Love based on the addition method relaxes the other person and saves you.

Chapter 4: Once I stopped the deduction method, my love life actually lasted.

Before I knew it, I had a boyfriend.
Honestly, it felt like, "Oh, God has finally bestowed love upon me..."

But what surprised me even more was that things were going well without me even trying.

■ Love that doesn't require effort is the most cost-effective

When I was using the deduction method, I would sprint at full speed every time I fell in love. I'd spend 30 minutes thinking about a text message, analyze how fast they read it down to the second, and bet my whole life on what I wore to a date.

Thinking back, that wasn't love; it was research.

But since switching to the addition method, I go on dates with the mindset of, "Well, I took a proper bath today, so I pass."

Then, strangely enough, the other person relaxes too, and the conversation actually sounds like human speech.
(Before, it was like a job interview. Questions like: "How many people have you dated?" So scary.)

■ A lasting love is one where you can laugh off the other person's deductions

Of course, my boyfriend has his own deduction points, too.
He hangs laundry inside out, falls asleep during movies, and is the type to drink all the soup in his ramen.

But I don't get frustrated like I used to.
I just laugh while teasing him, saying, 'Seriously, what is going on with your sodium levels?'

Back when I used a deduction system, I would have made a 'list of things I want him to fix'.
Now, I just update my 'oh well, whatever' memo.

I think the secret to keeping love alive is how many times you can say 'oh well, whatever'.
This 'oh well' power is quietly the strongest thing there is.

■ I want to tell this to the dating app crowd, too: 'Forget the perfect profile, go for a quirky remark instead.'

On dating apps, the people who polish their profiles to perfection are actually the ones who leave the least impression.

Instead, I've started to be drawn to the trivial details, like 'Favorite food: my mom's old curry (a bit on the sweet side)' or 'Hobbies: wandering around YouTube before bed'.

Rather than a perfect self-introduction, a remark that shows a glimpse of real life feels more human and trustworthy.

After all, the person you fall in love with isn't a collection of specs, but someone you share your life with.
I think the strongest people are those who can find love in things like morning bedhead or being left on read at night.

■ To you, who has graduated from deduction-based love

If you're sighing right now with your phone in your hand, thinking 'there are no good guys out there,' it's not that you haven't met anyone—it's just that your perspective on romance is stuck on a deduction filter.

Romance isn't a judged competition.
It's more like a variety show.
Even if you stumble a bit or don't read the room, you can fix it in the edit.

The right answer in love is just, 'That was fun.'

Deduction-based love is love aimed at avoiding failure.
Addition-based love is love where you can actually laugh.

Which one you choose makes a world of difference in how bright your romantic life will be.

【3 simple exercises to stop deducting points, starting today】

1. Use 'oh well, whatever' three times a day

Even if the person you're interested in is slow to reply to your texts, or their hairstyle is a bit lame, try ending it with an 'oh well, whatever.' (Though guys with no sense of hygiene are a total no-go. Haha.)

The first practice to stop the deduction mode is 'observation' rather than 'evaluation'.
A temperature of 'Oh, so this person is this type' is just fine.
This lightness opens the door to love.

② Delete the 'conditions' section of your profile (this is for the dating app crowd)

If you're listing things like 'must be over 170cm tall' or 'must earn over X amount' on an app, you're essentially strangling your own romantic possibilities.

Starting today, delete just one condition.
Surprisingly, you might find someone who is actually fun to meet just based on your feelings.

③ Interact with people with the same energy you use to praise your favorite idol

To get into the habit of being interested in people, try finding something good about them, like 'This person is so cute when they get really excited talking about their work'.
When people feel affection, they naturally want to return that favor.
That's why love starts with people who are good at giving compliments.

In other words, it's about 'cultivating yourself to look for the good in others before you start looking for a partner'.
Stopping the deduction method isn't about spoiling someone; it's about building the muscles to believe in love.

Just by doing these three things starting today, you should be able to think, 'Maybe romance is easier than before'.

Because, in reality, a version of you that doesn't deduct points is much more likely to attract encounters than an ideal partner.

Conclusion: Love begins not with scoring, but with emotional bugs

When I was dating using the deduction method, I looked at people like a job interviewer.

'Their conversation is shallow,' 'They reply too slowly,' 'Our sense of humor doesn't match'—deduct, deduct, goodbye.
But if I think about it calmly, I'm not the one doing the hiring.
Romance is not a recruitment system.

Actually, because I was acting like an interviewer, I was rejecting the very people I might have been slightly interested in.

Love isn't a game of searching for a perfect person; it's more often about the moment you fall into a 'bug' where you think, 'I think I actually like this person's quirks'.

Yet, with a deduction-based brain, you try to fix those bugs.
What a waste. Bugs are the very entrance to love.

Come to think of it, every time I fell in love, it was all because of bugs.
Someone whose first impression was 'they seem plain' turned out to be incredibly charming when they laughed.
Someone I thought, 'What is up with that fashion sense?' turned out to be a great cook, and in the end, I realized, 'Their taste in food was excellent'.

If you think about it calmly, love is nothing but a series of bugs.
But that is incredibly fun.

So, if you're thinking 'there's no one good out there' right now, please start by shredding your scorecard.
Then, find something a little strange about the next person you meet and try laughing about it.

'Wow, are those shoes mint green!?' is fine too. A love you can laugh about is a love that lasts.

When you stop demanding perfection, your feelings of "like" become much freer.

Stopping the point-deduction system doesn't just mean forgiving the other person; it means trusting your own sense of love.

Even if you're bad at romance or people say you have poor judgment, the human desire to fall in love anyway is what makes us endearing.

Once you stop keeping score, love will truly begin.
Even if you're a bit clumsy, the time for you to be rewarded will come.
Once you stop the point-deduction system, your average score in love will go up on its own, so you'll be fine!! by a former point-deduction pro

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