"How long are you going to play games!" is counterproductive. How to use "advance notice" and proper "forced termination" for transitions

"You said you'd do your homework, but you've been watching your phone the whole time!"

"How long are you going to play games! Do you even have any motivation!?"

Every single day, the endless battle against games and YouTube continues.
My patience has reached its limit with my child, who won't take their eyes off the screen no matter how many times I tell them.

I'm at my wit's end.

Fortunately, my own child isn't the type to get too obsessed with games, but at the facility I currently manage,
this is one of the top concerns for parents.

"At this rate, they're going to become addicted to games..."
"I want them to be a child who can manage their own time..."

I understand that parental concern all too well.
However, for them (especially those with ADHD/ASD traits),
grilling them with "Do you have any motivation?" or pushing them away by saying "Stop it yourself!" is a counterproductive approach that does more harm than good

that should be avoided.

Today, as a former teacher who faces children every day in a welfare setting,
I will translate

the "smooth transition techniques from games and smartphones"that I put into practice.

I'll skip the platitudes found in parenting books and talk about mechanisms you can use starting today,
so please stay with me until the end.

1. Why "Do you have any motivation?" is completely meaningless

When you yell, "Do you have any motivation?" what do you think is happening
inside the head of a child with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) traits?

Objectively speaking, they have no "motivation" (to start homework right now).

It is a characteristic of ADHD to be extremely poor at starting their own engine or applying the brakes.
When they are in that state,

what happens if you blame them with moralizing arguments like "Do you have any motivation?"
They start blaming themselves for "not being able to do it even though I want to," which lowers their self-esteem, or they start telling stopgap lies like "I'll do it, I'll do it!" to avoid being scolded.

As a result, the words "Do you have any motivation?" end up making the child even less able to move, rather than getting them to move.

2. The technique of "predictability (advance notice)" to prevent panic

So, how should you get them to stop playing games?
First, the one thing you must absolutely never do is

suddenly take it awayby saying, "It's time, so stop!"

Especially for children with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) tendencies,
having their world (what they are focused on) forcibly terminated without prior notice
is a trigger for intense panic.

What they need is"predictability (foresight)".

The promise of saying "five more minutes"
is not very effective for those who have difficulty grasping the sense of time.
This is where
timers or hourglassescome in handy.

"When all the sand in this hourglass falls to the bottom
(when the timer goes off),
the game is over."

By making the "time to finish"
visible (visual) in this way,
they can mentally prepare by thinking, "Oh, it's going to end soon," and
the hurdle for switching tasks is significantly lowered.

Visualization is more important than you might imagine.
There are tools like time timers, but
I have found hourglasses to be particularly effective in practical application.

3. [Important] It is okay for parents to help with "forced termination"

Even if you give them notice with an hourglass,
they still might not be able to put the game console down on their own.
In such cases, many parents
push them away by saying, "You promised to stop on your own! Turn it off yourself!"

But think about it.
Even for adults, it is extremely difficult
to stop infinite scrolling on social media on their own.
For them, whose brain's braking functions are still developing,
cutting off the strongest dopamine-generating device
that is a game
is a much higher hurdle than we imagine.

Therefore,"having the parent help with the forced termination"is the perfect solution.

• 〇 Dan-Papa style approach:
  "I know you understand that you have to stop.
  But it's hard to stop, isn't it?
  So, I'll help you, can I turn off the game for you?
  ""If you can't control it yourself,
  
  ask someone else to help you stop."
  Actually, letting them practice this "relying on others (sending an SOS)"
  
  while they are young
  is overwhelmingly more useful for their future independence
  than "forcing them to stop on their own."
  

[Finally] It is natural not to be able to control it

I understand the parent's wish
that "I want them to be able to keep time on their own" painfully well.
But precisely because they cannot do that,
it is called a "disorder (trait),"
and the child themselves is suffering.

Let's stop trying to make them manage
through "spirit" or "motivation."

1. Do not blame them by asking, "Are you motivated?"

2. Visualize the "rules for ending"
   with an hourglass or timer.

3. When they cannot stop on their own,
   the parent should press the forced termination button by saying, "I'll help you."

Instead of blaming the child,
by solving it with this "system (mechanism),"
and by the parent relaxing and realizing "it's okay to help,"
the daily fruitless battles will decrease surprisingly.

From today, please try placing a timer or hourglass
next to their smartphone or game console.