Determination means not abandoning yourself, even when you are not chosen

"I want to be more like myself and move on to the next stage."

Whenever we wish for that, a great wall almost always stands in our way.

One of those things is standing on the side of being chosen or being evaluated.

The other day, I received a heartfelt consultation from someone about this.

Today, I'd like to share the true nature of these feelings of being afraid of being chosen or evaluated, and a completely new definition of determination to help you take that first step forward.

1. That sense of discomfort is proof of your sincerity

First, I want to tell you that the anxiety and discomfort you feel about not being able to find that determination is by no means a sign of weakness or lack of preparation.

It's actually the opposite.

It is a precious emotion that arises precisely because you have been so sincere in how you have faced your life and work until now.

There are people in this world who can lightly say, "I want to be chosen!" or "I want to be evaluated!"

But perhaps they can say it so easily only because they don't yet know the weight of being evaluated.

You unconsciously understand deeply the responsibility of being evaluated and the influence of being chosen.

That is why you hesitate.
I believe that caution is your kindness and your sincerity itself.

2. Why can't you find that determination? The real reason

Many people think of determination as courage or strength.

"I have to be stronger," "I have to find the courage..."
Don't you find that the more you think that way, the more unable you become to move?

Actually, the real reason you can't find determination is not because you lack strength.

"What if I'm rejected?"
"If I'm thought of as not good enough, I feel like everything I've built up until now will fall apart."

Feeling that way is proof that you have cherished your self-esteem like a treasure.

The reaction to try and protect yourself is very normal as a living being and as a human.

First, embrace the part of you that wants to protect yourself and say, "I know, it's scary, isn't it?"

3. Redefining "Determination": The promise not to abandon yourself

Let's shift our perspective a little here.
This is the way of thinking I shared with that person.

"Determination to be chosen" is not the determination to accept being chosen.

I believe true determination is"the determination not to abandon yourself, even if you are not chosen." that is what it is.

The biggest reason why standing on the "side that gets evaluated" is scary is because it feels like your "value" is determined by the results.

You end up thinking that if you aren't chosen, you are worthless.
I think that "feeling of having nowhere to run" is the true identity of that fear.

Until now, you were able to keep yourself in a safe place by staying in modest positions or focusing on being behind the scenes, right?

Taking a step out from there might feel like throwing away the shield that protects you.

That is exactly why you need to create an "absolutely safe harbor" within yourself, rather than seeking a "shield" in the outside world.

4. Determination is not about becoming strong

When we hear the word "determination," we tend to think it means "adding" something new to ourselves or having a heart of steel.

Or perhaps many people think it means cutting off your retreat and cornering yourself, don't they?

But the determination I think of is different.

"Even if no one in the world evaluates me, I will be on my own side."
"No matter the result, I will be proud of myself for having taken on this challenge."

People who have a "place to return to" within themselves like that can stand in places where the wind blows as hard as it wants.

Determination is not a whip to drive yourself, but a blanket to wrap yourself in.

5. Try standing there with "30% of your strength" for now

That said, it is difficult to suddenly have 100% confidence that you "will never abandon yourself!" So, I will share the most effective "ultra-realistic entry point."

That is,"to try appearing in a place where you are evaluated with 30% of your strength." that is it.

It's okay to have the feeling of "just trying to stand there for a moment."

We tend to compete with our "100% self" and end up being judged as either a 0 or a 100. But that is far too risky.

First, try stepping onto the stage as your "30% self."
"Oh, this might actually be okay," or "Oh, it's a bit windy here."
It's fine to just feel like you're observing things like that.

Entering a place where you are evaluated is not a "one-shot deal."
I believe it is a "back-and-forth movement" where you go out, come back, and gradually get used to the atmosphere.

6. Evaluation is about "compatibility," not "value"

I myself was once terrified of being on the "side that gets chosen." In fact, I still am sometimes.

"If I fail, I feel like my entire self up to this point will be completely denied."

For a long time, I was paralyzed by that fear and couldn't move when an opportunity was right in front of me.

But now, I understand clearly.

Just as some people like curry and others like ramen.
It's the same thing; you are simply being checked to see if your current expression or skills "match" that place or that person.

The reason you weren't chosen isn't because you are inferior, but simply because "it wasn't the right time or place for you."

Once you can accept that, standing in a place of evaluation becomes a little easier.

7. One final question to gift yourself

Finally, I would like to present one question to you, the reader of this article!

If you can honestly say "YES" to this question, then a magnificent determination is already sleeping within you.

That is proof that you are valuing the "process (how you want to be)" more than the "result."

If you think "NO (I don't want to do it if I'm not chosen)," then perhaps now is still a time to cherish and protect yourself.

That is also a perfectly valid choice.
There is no right or wrong answer, after all.

Conclusion: Determination grows quietly

Determination is not something that suddenly descends upon you like lightning one day.

Gathering a little courage to step outside, and retreating back into yourself when you get scared.
I believe that in repeating that back-and-forth, something grows quietly, little by little.

Being on the side that 'gets chosen' is not about winning against someone, nor is it about being recognized by someone.

Isn't that the true form of 'determination' for you, who wishes to live authentically?

You are fine just as you are.

Why not try gently placing your foot on the stage of tomorrow, using just 30% of your strength to start?
That single step should be the beginning of a story for a new you.

Thank you for reading until the end today, too!

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